


This Silly Ol' Dance Is Perfect for Two

by SlantedKnitting



Series: Archivist [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Eating Disorders, F/M, Football | Soccer, Homophobic Language, M/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-12
Updated: 2012-08-12
Packaged: 2017-11-12 00:07:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 80,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/484419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>Arthur is young, gorgeous, talented, and captain of one of the best football teams in England; his life should be perfect. But he can't keep a girlfriend for more than a few months, and it's not just because he isn't ready to settle down. When his most recent girlfriend dumps him, he has a rough night at the pub and has to be dragged home by his neighbour, Merlin. Merlin is an archivist, a Ph.D student, and he hates football almost as much as he hates Arthur. They both have their own reasons for not wanting to spend time with each other, but after that disastrous night, remaining silent neighbors doesn't seem like much of an option anymore.<br/>Modern AU.</p>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [paperlegends](http://paperlegends.livejournal.com/)'s 2012 big bang. Fic masterpost is [here](http://slantknitfics.livejournal.com/23329.html).
> 
> Art by [achelseabee](http://achelseabee.livejournal.com/). Art masterpost is [here](http://achelseabee.livejournal.com/2096.html).
> 
> Based off [this kinkme-merlin prompt](http://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/29719.html?thread=28257815#t28257815).

  
[](http://achelseabee.livejournal.com/2096.html)

Merlin Emrys did not usually brood in public, but after watching his date leave the pub without so much as a backwards glance, he found himself frowning at his half-empty beer. He felt more pathetic than he had in four months, when his most recent boyfriend had dumped him. His date tonight had been boring and not very attractive, but that just made the rejection keener. Merlin clearly hadn't been interesting or good-looking enough to hold his date's attentions either.

He sipped his beer and stared moodily down at the table, trying to convince himself that it was no great loss. The bloke really hadn't been his type at all. He'd been short -- shorter than Merlin, anyway -- and dull. He'd shown up late for dinner without apology or explanation and had spent most of the meal talking about his copy editing job. He also had mousey brown hair, a distinct lack of muscles, and a burgeoning beer belly. Merlin preferred blonds -- big, built blonds with enormous brains to match their other body parts. He liked to pick apart beautiful men's minds over dinner and then get fucked apart back at his flat afterwards.

Rubbing his eyes tiredly, Merlin considered phoning Gwen and making her come console him. He felt that she owed him an apology too, as she had been the one to set him up on the failed date. He really thought she should have known better; they had been friends long enough for her to know quite well what kinds of men he liked.

Although, Will had been a recent exception, so maybe she'd thought Merlin would be open to more exceptions. Will hadn't been blond or overly muscular. He had just been smart and kind and interesting. Somehow, that had led to over a year of commitment before Will had finally decided that they both deserved something better. No matter how much Merlin hated to admit it, the truth was that their relationship had been boring and nothing worth fighting for. They'd had too much in common and neither of them had been satisfied being with someone so similar -- the conversations were always dull. Merlin had agreed to end things, even though he had been crushed to see Will walk away without so much as a backwards glance, as if Merlin and their relationship could be so easily forgotten.

Merlin coughed and sat up a bit straighter, trying to clear his head.

He had promised himself that he wouldn't think about Will tonight. This had been his first date since their breakup. Gwen had been begging him for weeks to let her set him up, but he had resisted until tonight. He preferred wallowing in self-pitying misery instead of meeting new men. She meant well enough, but Merlin knew she was really only trying to get him laid. That had obviously been her intent when she had set him up with the short, mousey man -- sex and nothing more. Merlin appreciated the sentiment, but bitterly thought that his evening would have been much more satisfying if he'd stayed at home to watch crap reality telly and drown himself in fruit-flavored tea. He missed Will; even though they hadn't been a great couple, they had been great friends. But Will had said when he ended it that he wanted to make a clean break. Merlin had been too hurt to bring himself to say that that wasn't the right way to treat friends, so he hadn't seen Will since then.

Merlin finished off his beer and set his empty glass down with a sigh. He knew he must look pathetic -- sadly drinking by himself -- but he didn't care. He felt pathetic and didn't want to bother pretending otherwise. The date had been a disaster and it hadn't made him feel any better about his most recent failed relationship, either. He knew that he was partially to blame for letting his and Will's stagnant relationship go on for so long. It had been sixteen months of nothing more than a nice friendship with nice sex, and the only thing Merlin had gotten out of it was a feeling that he wasn't really someone worth bothering with.

He'd been in worse relationships, of course, but he'd also been in better ones. Things with Will had been strictly fine -- never bad, but also never great. Merlin couldn't speak for Will, but he had spent most of their relationship waiting -- waiting for things to get more exciting or more passionate or at least more out of control in bed. Of course, waiting would never solve any of those problems, so things hadn't improved, or even changed. Merlin knew he shouldn't have let it get so serious between them, but he had liked Will and Will had liked him, and their relationship had made him content.

"Oi!"

Merlin snapped his head up at the shout, grateful that something had finally broken him out of his thoughts.

An unfortunately sweaty man that Merlin recognised as a frequent patron of the pub was staggering out of the loo and shouting to the bartenders.

"SOME DRUNK IS PASSED OUT NEXT TO THE TOILET!"

The sweaty man resumed his seat and mumbled loudly to himself, and Merlin rolled his eyes, thinking that the man had no right to refer to other people as drunks, at least not in that state.

Kilian, the old Irishman who had owned the Dragon since it first opened over twenty years ago, left the bar and went to check out the situation in the loo. Merlin pulled out his wallet, thinking that it was about time to get home and curl up in front of the telly. He paid, but before he could leave Kilian came back out of the loo and nodded meaningfully at him.

Merlin simply stared back, at a complete loss as to why Kilian would want him to help with the night's first drunk. He put his wallet away and tried to turn and leave, but Kilian pointed at him and gave him a desperate, pleading stare with wide eyes and pursed lips. More out of curiosity than anything else, Merlin made his way toward the loo. When he reached the door, Kilian grabbed his shoulder and guided him inside.

"He's your neighbour, yeah?" Kilian asked over the horrible noise of the drunk man being sick.

Merlin's stomach protested at the sound and smell of it, but he forced himself to glance toward the open stall. There, sprawled on the floor and barely managing to vomit into the toilet, was Arthur Pendragon.

"How'd you know he's my neighbour?" Merlin asked, turning away. He opened the door a few inches with his foot, desperate to get out of the rank and stale air of the filthy pub loo.

"He's mentioned you before," Kilian said shortly. "Can you help him out?"

Merlin pulled a face as Arthur retched violently.

"How the hell has he mentioned me? I've never said a single word to him!"

"Are you going to help him or not?" Kilian pressed.

Merlin snuck another peek toward his neighbour. "I don't know, Kilian. Look at him. He probably can't walk and he's twice my size. I'll never be able to drag him all the way back to his flat."

"Please," Kilian said quietly. "You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. Normally I would just call a cab, but, you know, considering..."

"Considering what?" Merlin asked dryly.

"Well, first of all, considering he only lives around the corner. And second of all, considering he's a world famous footballer! Come on, Merlin. He's obviously in a bad way and he doesn't need to be noticed by anyone else."

Merlin sighed and watched as Arthur slumped down onto the dirty floor.

"You're going to owe me big for this."

"I owe you nothing," Kilian said haughtily.

"And I owe him nothing!" Merlin said, exasperated. Dealing with his drunken arse of a neighbour was not how he had hoped to end his evening. Merlin really did not care for the man and generally tried to avoid him and his celebrity at all costs. Helping him home when he was off his face was definitely not a good way to stick to that rule.

"What if it was you, Merlin?" Kilian pressed. "Would you really want to be left on the floor? Or would you want someone to take you home, give you a glass of water, and tuck you into bed?"

Merlin rolled his eyes, knowing that there was no way that Kilian would let him leave without Arthur in tow. Odd and eccentric as he was, Kilian was kind and genuinely concerned about his patrons' well-being.

"Whatever," Merlin said, resigned. "At least help me get him to his feet."

Kilian nodded and after much grunting and cursing, the two of them managed to pull Arthur into a vertical position.

"Wanna stay," Arthur mumbled in protest as he swayed ridiculously between Merlin and Kilian.

"Can't stay here, mate," Kilian said, steadying Arthur with his hands. "Merlin's going to take care of you."

Arthur peered curiously at Merlin and cracked a wide grin. "Merrr-lin," he drawled.

He belched loudly and Merlin turned away from the smell.

"Big ears," Arthur said, sounding proud of himself.

Kilian laughed, but Merlin had to clench his jaw to fight down a barrage of swears. He really wanted to drop Arthur back on the floor and leave Kilian to deal with the mess alone. He owed Arthur no favours and even though Kilian was a friend, he didn't owe Kilian any favours, either.

"Off you go," Kilian said, giving Arthur a gentle nudge toward the door.

Merlin sighed and tugged on Arthur's arm. "Come on," he grumbled.

Arthur followed willingly but stumbled so dramatically that Merlin had to pull Arthur's arm over his shoulder. He dragged Arthur across the pub, resolutely ignoring the questioning looks from other patrons until they reached the front door.

"Elena," Arthur said suddenly, just as Merlin had opened the door for them.

"What?" Merlin asked absently, trying to negotiate Arthur's weight out onto the pavement.

"Elena!" Arthur shouted.

Merlin glanced back inside the Dragon and saw everyone staring at them. Recognition was flitting across quite a few faces. He smiled awkwardly at them and pushed Arthur out of the pub so quickly that Arthur fell forward onto a bike rack.

Merlin paused long enough to make a very rude gesture at Kilian for sticking him with this task, then closed the door behind himself. He turned around and saw Arthur on his hands and knees under the bike rack, dry heaving over the curb.

"Come on," Merlin said, prodding Arthur's shin with his foot. "Come on, get up."

When Arthur only slumped lower, Merlin bent down and grabbed Arthur around the waist.

"Get. Up," he grunted, pulling pointlessly.

Arthur grabbed onto the bike rack and struggled gracelessly to his feet.

"God, you're a nightmare," Merlin said as Arthur leant against his side. "You're damn fucking lucky we only live on the next street over. Otherwise, I would leave you here and not even feel guilty about it."

Arthur just smiled dopily and let Merlin support almost all of his weight as they staggered along the pavement.

By the time they reached their apartment block, Merlin was sweating with the effort of dragging Arthur. He grunted as he leant Arthur up against the outside of their building.

"I am _so_ not a fan of yours, just so you know," Merlin said as he propped open the front door with his foot.

"Everyone's a fan of mine," Arthur said seriously. "People love me."

He laughed heartily, wobbling so much that Merlin had to rush to steady him.

"Yes, you're a right sweetheart," Merlin said, lifting Arthur's arm over his shoulder again. "All right, come on you lazy idiot. We're almost there."

"I am _not_ lazy," Arthur protested as they entered the lobby.

"No, of course not."

Merlin nodded at the night shift guard sitting behind the front desk before shoving Arthur into the first lift that opened. He rolled his eyes when Arthur only barely managed not to fall over.

"Not lazy at all," Merlin mumbled, stepping into the lift and jabbing at the button for the 15th floor. "You only got so sodding drunk that you were sick at the Dragon--"

"Where's Elena?" Arthur interrupted, looking frantically around the tiny lift.

"And who is that? Your imaginary girlfriend?"

"Why're you so mean? She's not 'maginary."

"Then where is she?"

"That's what I asked you!" Arthur scowled and moved to stand in front of the doors. "Why isn't it opening?"

"We're not at our floor yet."

The lift jerked to a stop and Merlin had to use both hands to keep Arthur steady when he lost his balance at the sudden movement. Arthur insisted on getting out of the lift by himself, so Merlin watched with cruel amusement as he stumbled down the hallway, tripping over his own feet every few steps.

When Arthur reached his door, Merlin unlocked his own flat, which was directly across the hall from Arthur's, and considered just going inside and going to bed. He'd gotten Arthur into the building and to the correct flat, and that was all he really felt he needed to do. But then Arthur started mumbling about eggs as he tried to work his key into the lock. Merlin watched Arthur's pathetic attempt to get home as he talked himself through the steps of making scrambled eggs.

"Stir over medium heat," Arthur said in a strangely soothing voice.

Merlin shook his head and stepped into the hallway again to take Arthur's keys.

"There is no way in hell I'm letting you turn on the stove in this state. I will not have you burning down the whole building just because you lost your girlfriend."

Arthur crossed his arms grumpily and Merlin started flipping through Arthur's keys to find the right one.

"Didn't _lose_ my girlfriend, _Merbert_."

Merlin's mouth dropped open in shock and he looked up at Arthur's indignant face.

" _What_?" he asked incredulously.

"What?" Arthur said blankly, dropping his arms.

Merlin shook his head in disbelief and unlocked Arthur's flat.

"Straight to bed," he said, cringing at how much he sounded like his mum. "Do not turn on the stove, do not pass go, do not choke on your own vomit."

"What go?" Arthur asked as he sat down on the coffee table to kick off his shoes.

Merlin turned on the lights, closed the door, and looked around Arthur's flat. It was much bigger than his own and filled with what looked like brand new furniture. There were dirty clothes and towels and newspapers draped over every surface, making the beautiful and expensive modern decor look cheap and uncared for. The view out of Arthur's living room windows was much nicer than Merlin's, which he supposed explained why Arthur's flat was so much bigger and probably much more expensive.

"Eggs," Arthur said vaguely.

He stood up and immediately tripped over his shoes. Merlin darted forward to catch him and eased him back down onto the coffee table.

"I will make you eggs," Merlin said exasperatedly. "Just sit. Sit."

He backed up slowly, making sure that Arthur stayed put, and went to find eggs.

When he found Arthur's kitchen -- which he bitterly noted had much more counter space than his own -- he opened the fridge and sighed at what was inside. There was an open container of sour cream, a few assorted bottles of beer, and one apple.

Merlin went back into the living room to break the bad news, but Arthur was gone. He glanced at the closed front door, wondering if Arthur had somehow wandered off down the hallway.

"MER -- MERR!"

Merlin groaned, not feeling very relieved that Arthur was still inside the flat, and followed the sound of Arthur's call. He stepped into another room and found Arthur in the middle of a battle with his jeans.

"I need eggs," Arthur huffed.

"There are no eggs," Merlin explained.

Arthur fell backward on the bed as he tried to free one of his feet from the jeans.

"Stop, just stop," Merlin said, taking pity on the struggling drunk. "Here, let me." He stepped forward and yanked the jeans off Arthur's muscular legs. "There. Just. Um."

Merlin had wanted to tell Arthur to go to bed, but then Arthur took off his shirt as well and Merlin found himself staring at a broad, tanned chest. His eyes caught on the silver jewellery in Arthur's left nipple.

"Stop drooling," Arthur mumbled, flinging an arm over his eyes.

Arthur shoved his free hand into his pants and Merlin took that as his cue to leave. He retreated across the hall to his own flat, sent Gwen an angry text, and went to bed in hopes of erasing the whole night from his memory.

  
**~~~**  


As soon as Arthur woke up, he wished he hadn't. He had been dreaming about being naked on the pitch -- a horribly cliché dream he had frighteningly often -- but even that imaginary humiliation was preferable to the blinding pain of his hangover. He rolled over, hoping to find a cool spot on his pillow to fall back asleep on, and promptly fell off the bed with an undignified flail and yelp.

He whimpered into the carpet, waiting for his stomach to stop rolling. He wanted to open his eyes to see if he could figure out why he was on the floor and, more importantly, find the quickest and easiest route back onto his bed, but he was pretty sure that his head would explode if even the slightest hint of sunlight hit his poor eyeballs. It felt like someone had dragged the wrong end of a cheese grater over the back of them in the middle of the night.

He wanted someone to help him back into bed, but there was no one. Elena had dumped him and now his only non-football friend left was his sister. He knew he would be able to find another girlfriend easily enough, but he didn't want one. He hated going through all the motions over and over and over again with always the same bad results. He hadn't ever had a relationship that lasted for more than six months, except for one that had mostly been a publicity stunt, anyway.

The other players at Camelot Football Club were always teasing him about his love life. He was known, internationally, as a bachelor, and this was a source of never-ending entertainment for his friends. Some of them had taken to asking why he kept letting go of such beautiful girls, and Arthur's standard answer was always that he got bored and that he wasn't ready to settle down, anyway.

But the truth was that he just couldn't bring himself to settle down with a woman, no matter how beautiful she was or how well they got along or how many people said they made a perfect couple. He couldn't bring himself to fully accept that fate; he wasn't quite ready to resign himself to that future.

Arthur made a pillow of his arms and let his mind drift off. An old fantasy flitted across his consciousness and he let it play out as he fell back asleep.

He imagined himself sitting at a press conference. It was a familiar enough occurrence, but this time was different. He wasn't with the manager or any other players. He was on his own, making an important announcement. He was coming out.

Morgana was there, not as the editor of a major newspaper, but as his sister. And Uther was there, not as the owner of Camelot Football Club, but as his father. His manager and teammates were there too, fully supportive and even proud of him.

Arthur wasn't nervous and the news was well-received. The reporters asked a few questions and Arthur gave a few vague answers. He felt relieved that the world finally knew, that he didn't have to hide and pretend anymore.

He smiled at a faceless man who had been standing on the side of the room for the whole conference. The man was Arthur's strength and Arthur's future. He had no characteristics yet, but Arthur knew that he would be tall and strong and gorgeous.

The next time Arthur woke up, he managed to push himself into a sitting position in less than five minutes, which he considered to be a fairly pathetic success. He still didn't want to open his eyes, so he leant against his bed and did his best to stare mournfully up at the ceiling without actually looking at it.

He knew that he should get up and try to do something useful with his day, but all he wanted to do was sit and wallow in his misery. He was single -- _again_ \-- and his nerdy, awkward neighbour had had to drag him home the night before. He supposed he should be grateful, but all he felt was embarrassed.

Arthur had never even really spoken to the nerdy, awkward man who lived across the hall before. He'd made small talk with the nerdy, awkward man's flatmate plenty of times, but never with the nerdy, awkward man himself. Every time they ended up in the hallway at the same time, Arthur would try to smile at him, but all he ever offered back was a glare.

It had happened so many times that Arthur didn't even bother with niceties anymore -- they had been mutually ignoring each other for years.

Still, Arthur felt that he owed the nerdy, awkward man an apology and a thank you. If he hadn't taken it upon himself to drag Arthur home, someone else would have noticed Arthur's drunken state at some point. And Arthur probably would have ended up in some trashy tabloid or posted all over some trashy website, and that was the last thing he needed right before a season.

He knew he needed to be more careful. Granted, he didn't get that drunk very often, but he really should have known when to quit, or at least when to continue drinking in the privacy of his own flat.

After a few minutes of silently contemplating his bad choices, Arthur decided that he needed to brush his teeth before he started gagging from the taste in his mouth. He cracked one eye open with a groan and looked hopefully toward his alarm clock, praying it was late enough that he could justify spending the rest of the day curled up on the couch and watching cheesy movies.

Unfortunately, it was barely 9:30am.

Arthur swore and got to his feet, wondering how the hell he had even managed to wake up this early with such a bad headache. He cursed his early weekday schedule and made his way toward the bathroom.

There, he brushed his teeth before rummaging around for any sort of pill he could take for his headache. He downed some of the first painkillers he came across, stepped out of his boxers, and slipped off his thumb ring, setting it down on the sink. He turned on the hot water in his shower and waited a moment before stepping into it.

Soaping himself up, Arthur tried to wash away the dejected feeling he always had after his press conference daydream. Of course, he would love for that to be his future. He wanted to be himself, with the full support of his friends and family and faceless boyfriend. He wanted that desperately, but he also knew that it would never happen. He had accepted that long ago, even though he hadn't yet managed to give himself over to the straight lie well enough to find a long-term girlfriend.

Even if he did somehow manage to get everyone's blessing to come out so publicly, Arthur was sure that he would never have a serious boyfriend. He couldn't imagine finding a man who would be willing to date the first openly gay footballer in the Premier League since Justin Fashanu.

Besides, Arthur barely knew any other gay men. In fact, he tended to avoid them because he didn't want to be distracted or tempted. The last time he'd fancied another man -- during the most recent season -- he'd been so stressed out that he'd stopped eating. The club had hired an additional nutritionist just for him and he hadn't been allowed to play in any matches for over a month.

Arthur washed all the soap off and poured some shampoo in his hair. He scrubbed his scalp roughly, remembering how horrible that time had been. His eating disorder had been kept out of the tabloids, but only just.

Football had been his entire life for as long as he could remember, and he truly loved his job, but Arthur had almost left it all behind at the end of the last season. Even after he had gotten his eating habits under control, there had been days when he couldn't stand to eat or look at other people or leave his flat because he was sick to his stomach from who he was and who he had to be. He had spent _years_ perfecting his public and professional persona, and all it had taken was one cute assistant physio to bring his entire world crashing down. He _hated_ feeling like he had to hide his true self all the time just to please the media and the fans and everyone else who expected him to be certain way -- who _demanded_ that he be a certain way.

His anxiety had gotten so bad that he had almost convinced himself to retire early or fake an injury or just throw a tantrum and quit. He had even gone so far as to ask Morgana if her newspaper was in need of a sports photographer because that was the only other thing he had ever been passionate about. She had simply laughed and told him to keep his day job, and then Uther had assured him anther year's captainship despite all of his failures during his first year. Arthur had taken a few weeks off after the end of the season, postponing his usual summer camp for local youth and avoiding all contact with anyone related to football -- which was everyone he knew.

At the end of his secluded holiday, Arthur had decided to accept Uther's offer and return to Camelot Football Club in the fall with more focus and determination. He had chosen this career and he wouldn't quit until he had to -- and he didn't have to, yet. His life wasn't ideal but it was far from terrible, and he could learn to live with the consequences of his choices. He loved football and as long as he could keep his errant feelings and food issues under control, he could continue playing it for a very long time.

Putting the whole incident out of his mind with a loud sigh, Arthur stepped out of the shower and brushed his teeth again for good measure. He felt reasonably more human now that he didn't smell like death. Fitting his thumb ring back on, Arthur looked at his face in the mirror; there were definite bags under his eyes. He scrubbed a hand over his face and left the bathroom, deciding that he would simply stay at home for the rest of the day. There was no need to show his horrible hangover to the world.

He knew he should venture across the hall to thank his neighbour at some point, but since doing so would result in trying to make uncomfortable conversation with a man who generally ignored his very existence, he wanted to put it off as long as possible. Instead, Arthur went into his kitchen in hopes of finding some excuse to stay inside his own flat. All he found was a practically empty fridge, which was particularly frustrating because what he really wanted, and what he knew would soothe what was left of his hangover, was eggs. He was craving an omelette.

The only food in the kitchen suitable for immediate consumption, besides the old and bruised apple in his fridge, was cereal, but he didn't even have milk. Arthur ran his hands over his face again and let out a frustrated sigh. He _really_ didn't want to get dressed or try to make himself presentable, but if he wanted actual food any time soon, that was what he had to do. And if he was going to do all that, he had no excuse not to stop by his neighbour's flat on his way out.

Resigning himself to what was sure to be a painfully awkward conversation, Arthur retreated to his room to find clean clothes. He stood hopelessly in front of his wardrobe for a few minutes, searching out clothes that would leave him looking casual and inconspicuous -- in short, just like any other person. He didn't want to be bothered by fans if he had to go out in public while hungover just to eat at a café because he had no food in his home.

Eventually, he settled on jeans and a t-shirt. He grabbed sunglasses, hooked them over his shirt collar, and went back to the kitchen to get out cat food. His cat was nowhere to be seen, but he filled her bowl and gave her fresh water, knowing she was probably napping or hiding in some cupboard.

When Arthur left his flat, he found the hallway empty and quiet, as it usually was. He wished pointlessly that the nerdy, awkward man's flatmate had been the one to rescue him last night. The flatmate was friendly and polite, on top of being a Camelot supporter. They had always been able to enjoy a few minutes of chatting about football as they left the building together in the morning or came home at the same time in the evening.

Hoping that the flatmate would at least be there to relieve the tension, Arthur knocked on the door opposite his.

"Come in," came a muffled voice from inside.

Arthur frowned slightly, not wanting to just barge into his neighbours' home. He knocked again.

"Come _in_ ," was the only reply.

Arthur sighed and tried the doorknob. It was unlocked so he let himself in, wondering if his neighbours were always so lax about letting strangers inside.

The living room was empty and Arthur looked around, taking in the perfectly organised books on the huge and beautiful bookshelves, the uncluttered coffee table, and all the maps hung on the walls. He cleared his throat and the nerdy, awkward man appeared in the kitchen doorway, an oven mitt over one hand and a fork in the other. He dropped the fork when he caught sight of Arthur standing uncertainly next to the front door.

Arthur tried to smile and say something, but all he could manage was an uncomfortable teeth-baring grimace and blatant staring. The nerdy, awkward man was dressed in faded jeans and a closely-fitting plain white t-shirt. Usually Arthur saw the man in his work clothes -- nice trousers and a button-down shirt and, on some days, a tie. He always looked bookish in that attire, but in this casual outfit he looked normal and distinctly un-nerdy.

The man blinked and Arthur tried smiling again.

"Sorry, I--" The man cut himself off and bent down to pick up the fork. "I thought you were someone else."

"Are you expecting company?" Arthur asked stupidly.

The man just nodded at him.

"Well, I just..." Arthur fiddled with the sunglasses hanging off his collar, trying to pinpoint exactly why he felt so wrong-footed. He was used to talking with strangers and members of the press and anybody, really. Part of his job was to be personable and talkative. But something about the way his neighbour was staring at him with those sharp, critical blue eyes was making him forget most of his vocabulary.

The man wasn't showing any signs of stepping into the conversation to help Arthur, so he tried again.

"I wanted to say thank you," Arthur blurted out, the words too quick and close together. "You didn't, um -- I really appreciate your help last night. And I'm really sorry you had to deal with me like that."

The man nodded again. "You're welcome," he said after a long moment. "Though, to be perfectly honest, I only did it as a favour to Kilian. If he hadn't asked me... well, I wouldn't even have known you were there. So..."

Arthur nodded, feeling the back of his neck getting hot. "Well, thanks, anyway, even if you didn't want to do it."

The man shrugged and slipped off the oven mitt. Arthur couldn't help but notice how thin his fingers were -- and long, very very long.

"I'll go," Arthur blurted out, forcing himself to look away from his neighbour's hands. "Before your company comes. Just, um."

He crossed the room and his neighbour's face became guarded and tense. Arthur paused, noticing for the first time that this man was just slightly taller than him, and not nearly as thin and scrawny as Arthur had always assumed; he had definite muscles underneath his tight, white t-shirt.

The man's eyes narrowed and Arthur cleared his throat and held out his hand.

"I'm Arthur," he said, his voice too loud for how close they were standing. "I don't think we've ever had a proper introductions."

The man hesitated before shaking Arthur's hand. It was a brief shake, but Arthur still had time to register the feeling of those long fingers on his skin.

"Merlin Emrys."

 _Merbert_ echoed in Arthur's head and he felt the flush moving to the front of his neck.

"Merlin," he repeated. "Right. Well. I'm sorry, again. I really, um... you're sort of a life saver. If there's anything I can do -- I can get you tickets, if you want."

Merlin's brow furrowed. "Tickets," he said blankly.

Arthur shifted as the blush spread over his cheeks. "To a match," he said, feeling utterly pathetic. "I play football."

Merlin's lip's twitched. "I know."

"Oh." Arthur twisted his thumb ring around nervously. "Well, if you want tickets..."

"I'm not exactly a fan," Merlin said coolly. "But thanks."

Arthur nodded and turned toward the open door, physically aching to get away. Before he reached it, however, someone else came through. A pretty woman stepped into the flat, smiling brightly. She had dark curls that fell over her bare shoulders and down to the cleavage accentuated by her dress. Arthur registered her beauty and felt an all-too familiar guilt sink in. If only her beauty meant something more to him -- then he wouldn't have to be dealing with press conference daydreams and stress-induced starvation.

The woman caught sight of Arthur and stared, her eyes wide with shock.

"I -- Merlin?" she asked, her eyes still on Arthur.

"Arthur, this is Gwen," Merlin introduced them quickly. "Gwen -- Arthur."

Arthur forced a smile and shook Gwen's hand. "I was just, um... I live across the hall and--"

"I know," Gwen said kindly, interrupting his rambling. "I just didn't know you two were friendly."

Arthur opened his mouth to explain, but Merlin beat him to it.

"We're not. He's just leaving, actually."

Gwen glared at Merlin and Arthur could feel his blush returning.

"Don't be rude," she snapped. "He can stay if he likes." She smiled sweetly at Arthur and Arthur couldn't help but notice her endearing dimples. "You _should_ stay, actually. My brother's got a fever and we need a fourth player."

Arthur glanced at Merlin, who was shooting daggers at Gwen through narrowed eyes, and then back at Gwen.

"Player?" he asked cautiously.

"For Taboo," Gwen explained. "We get together every Sunday and play games."

"Oh," Arthur said blankly when Gwen gave him an expectant look.

He didn't know what to say or how to explain that he wasn't exactly the board game type. He was also fairly sure that Merlin would try to poison him if he volunteered to stay. Merlin clearly disliked him for some reason and wanted him out of the flat as soon as possible; Arthur quite agreed with that sentiment.

"I shouldn't," he said, smiling politely. "I have to go find some food to eat. My fridge is empty."

"But Merlin's made breakfast," Gwen said helpfully. "Haven't you?"

Merlin grumbled something behind Arthur.

"I really--"

"Oh, please stay," Gwen said, her brown eyes ridiculously imploring. "I'm always telling Merlin he should make friends with you. Besides, we really can't play without four people."

"I..." Arthur looked helplessly between Merlin's angry face and Gwen's hopeful one. His stomach growled and he cleared his throat, trying to come up with the most polite and firm way to excuse himself.

"Did you make quiche?" Gwen asked Merlin.

Arthur kept his eyes on Gwen, but assumed that Merlin nodded because she looked back at him with a grin.

"Do you like quiche?" she asked.

Arthur nodded stupidly as his stomach growled again. "Yes, but--"

"Please stay. I promise we don't bite."

Arthur looked over his shoulder at Merlin, who simply rolled his eyes and disappeared back into the kitchen.

"I guess I'm staying, then," he said slowly.

Playing board games on a Sunday morning was completely out of the ordinary for him, but then again, so was being saved from drunken tabloid pictures by a nerdy, awkward man who hated him.

"Brilliant!" Gwen beamed at him. "Do you know how to play Taboo?"

Arthur nodded. "It's been a while since I've played it sober, though."

In truth, he had only ever played it once, and he had been so drunk that he could barely stand and ended up passing out halfway through the game. He decided not to share that story; he had a feeling it wouldn't win him any points with Merlin.

"That's okay. Here, I'll give you the tour."

Gwen closed the front door, dropped her purse on the coffee table, and beckoned Arthur to follow her.

"No, you won't!" Merlin shouted.

There was a slam from the kitchen and Merlin appeared in the doorway again a few seconds later, glaring at Gwen.

Gwen rolled her eyes, unfazed. "Come on, at least pretend to be a good host."

Merlin clenched his jaw for a moment before putting on the worst fake smile Arthur had ever seen.

"Fine. _I_ will give him a tour. _You_ can make the tea."

Gwen grinned triumphantly, looking far more pleased than Arthur really thought was necessary, and switched places with Merlin. Merlin watched Gwen retreat into the kitchen, then turned away and gestured vaguely around the room.

"Here's the living room."

"It's nice," Arthur said quietly. "Look, if you want me to go--"

"If you leave now, Gwen will just yell at me all morning."

Merlin scratched at his morning stubble and pointed to a large wooden bookshelf that had extremely fat books on the lowest shelf and all sorts of colourful animal figurines on the top shelf.

"There's some books," he said dully.

Arthur bit down a laugh and murmured his agreement that there were indeed books on the shelf. He took a few steps closer to read some titles, but found that most of them were in French.

"What do you do?" he asked, glancing back over his shoulder.

Merlin moved to the nearest door and opened it. "I'm an archivist. This is my room." He closed the door before Arthur could look inside and hurried to the next room. "My study."

He left this door open, so Arthur stepped inside and found even more bookshelves.

"Are you archiving your own book collection or something?" he asked.

"No."

Arthur looked over the tidy desk where Merlin's computer sat next to a foot-high pile of notebooks.

"Do you work from home?"

"No."

Arthur chanced a glance at Merlin. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, studying the titles of the books on his shelves as if he had never seen them before. Arthur licked his lips and ran over a few lines in his head, trying to find the best thing to say that would put Merlin more at ease. He knew he was imposing and intruding, but something more was clearly bothering Merlin. Arthur just wasn't sure what it was. Merlin didn't seem particularly starstruck, and Arthur was positive he would have said something by now if he was a Mercia supporter, so it had to be something else.

"It's a great flat," he said kindly.

"Thanks," Merlin muttered without looking at Arthur.

He shuffled awkwardly back out into the living room and Arthur followed politely.

"There's the loo," Merlin said, pointing to the next door. "If you need it. And my lizard. And the kitchen."

Arthur glanced at the lizard. It was sitting in a tank on a stand between the loo and kitchen, and it was staring unblinkingly up at him. It was long, with a yellow head, green body, blue tail, and black spots all over.

The lizard wiggled closer to Arthur in a threatening way and Arthur fought the urge to give it a placating smile. It looked as though the lizard was judging him and maybe even plotting his doom.

After a moment, he turned away and looked around for another door.

"Where's your flatmate's room?"

Merlin frowned. "What?"

"Um. Your... your flatmate. Isn't he playing with us?"

"I don't have a flatmate," Merlin said slowly, looking at Arthur with concern.

"Did he move out?" Arthur asked, confused.

"I've never had a flatmate."

Arthur fiddled with his sunglasses again, thinking over the conversations he had had with the man he had seen come out of Merlin's flat countless times.

"But... there's this bloke I always see coming in and out your door. We talk about football." Arthur looked back at the lizard tank as he spoke, feeling remarkably stupid.

Merlin's confused expression fell away as he moved toward the couch. "That was Will," he said, offering no more explanation.

"So, I didn't just invent a person?" Arthur pressed. "He's around?"

Merlin crouched down near the coffee table to pull Taboo out of its cupboard. "He's not around," he said shortly. He set the game on the coffee table and perched himself on the very edge of the couch.

"Oh."

Merlin glanced over his shoulder for a moment, his face serious but otherwise unreadable. Then he turned back around and opened the box to set up the game.

"We broke up."

"Oh," Arthur said again. _Oh_.

Before he had time to process and respond to that, the front door opened and another woman came into the living room.

She was tiny, skinnier than either Gwen or Merlin, but very pretty. Merlin stood to hug her in greeting and Arthur shifted slightly from where he stood awkwardly behind the couch. He tried not to stare as they embraced and kissed each other on the cheek and spoke in low tones. If Merlin hadn't just said that he dated men -- which Arthur was trying really hard to pretend hadn't happened -- Arthur would have assumed that this newcomer was Merlin's girlfriend. They were obviously close.

Just as Arthur was wondering if maybe Merlin dated women as well, the woman glanced over Merlin's shoulder and gave Arthur a wary smile.

"Is that--"

"Yeah, that's Arthur," Merlin said quickly. "Arthur, this is Freya."

Arthur moved across the room to shake her hand, trying to appear confident and less out-of-place than he felt. "Good to meet you."

"You, too," Freya said sweetly and turned back to Merlin. "Are Gwen and Elyan here?"

"Gwen's in the kitchen. Elyan's not coming, so..." Merlin gestured unenthusiastically at Arthur, who blushed instantly. "He's playing instead."

Freya raised her eyebrows but didn't comment.

"The tea's probably ready," Merlin said after a moment of awkward silence. "Would you like some?" he asked Arthur.

Arthur nodded, surprised by the offer. "Yes, please."

Merlin hurried into the kitchen and Arthur started twisting his thumb ring again. He couldn't even remember the last time he felt so uncomfortable. He was used to being around strangers and people who were intimidated by him, but Merlin made him feel like he must be a terrible human being; Merlin clearly disliked him and wanted nothing to do with him. All Arthur wanted to do was go back to his own flat and eat his dry cereal and spend the rest of the day on the couch with his cat.

Freya was still standing by the door, smiling awkwardly and attempting to catch his eye, but Arthur avoided her. He usually considered himself to be a very good people person, but his entire morning was making him re-think that sentiment.

He tried to convince himself that he was just having an off day; he was still hungover and probably still getting over the break-up with Elena. Besides, he wasn't used to socialising with gay men, or men who were so disdainful toward him for unknown reasons.

Just as Arthur had decided that he might as well escape while Merlin was in the other room, Merlin and Gwen came back out with tea for all of them.

Merlin handed Arthur a mug and Arthur brought it up to his lips to blow into the tea, but then Freya stifled a high-pitched giggle. He glanced at her for a second, confused, but she just looked away, a small smile on her face. He went back to cooling his tea, but then Gwen snorted back a giggle of her own.

Arthur looked at Merlin, but Merlin was determinately blowing into his own tea and staring at the floor. Compulsively, Arthur looked down at himself, hoping his fly wasn't open. Then he turned his mug around and saw what the girls had been trying not to laugh at.

Merlin had given him his tea in a gay pride mug. Arthur blinked at the rainbow flag painted across it, trying not to panic and trying to calmly rationalize Merlin's move. Merlin was probably just testing him to see if he was homophobic. He wasn't, but that didn't mean he wanted to drink out of a gay pride mug.

After a few seconds, Arthur decided not to make a comment. He simply brought it back up to his lips and blew into it, trying to seem calm and unaffected. It was just a mug and Merlin was just taking the piss. There was no way that any of them could have realised that Arthur was gay so quickly.

A timer went off in the kitchen and Merlin excused himself, muttering something about the quiche, and then Arthur was alone with Gwen and Freya.

"Don't take it personally," Gwen said quietly. "He's had some trouble with footballers in the past and I think he's--"

"He's just uncomfortable," Freya interjected quickly, her tone suggesting that Gwen had revealed far too much. "He gets sort of, um, snarky when he feels like people might not, um... be comfortable with..." She gestured at the gay pride mug.

"He's really very kind," Gwen insisted. "I think he's just caught off-guard. He doesn't like new people."

Arthur nodded, wanting them to stop their rambling explanations. "I don't have a problem with it," he said, lifting his mug slightly to indicate the rainbow flag.

"Great," Freya said, grinning widely. "Then you can be on his team for Taboo."

"Yes!" Gwen agreed quickly. "Battle of the sexes."

Arthur forced a smile and took a sip of his tea even though it was still too hot. He tried not to make a face as he burnt his tongue.

"Can you grab some plates?" Merlin asked as he reappeared, one quiche balanced in each hand.

Arthur's mouth watered at the smell, his burnt tongue already forgotten. His stomach growled embarrassingly loudly as Merlin set the quiches down on the coffee table. Freya went to fetch plates as Merlin sat down on the couch.

"Thanks," Gwen said, sitting next to Merlin and kissing him on the cheek. "They look delicious."

"Yeah," Arthur agreed.

"This one's regular," Merlin said, pointing to one of the quiches. "That one's vegan, if you're interested."

Arthur glanced between the two quiches. "Vegan?"

"I don't eat eggs," Freya explained, coming back in with plates and forks. "Or cheese or milk or what have you. Merlin always makes me a vegan version of whatever he's serving everyone else."

Freya sat down on Merlin's other side and kissed his cheek, too. Merlin smiled and set about slicing the quiches. Arthur hovered uncertainly for a few seconds before deciding to sit in one of the armchairs that bookended the coffee table.

"Let's start the game," Gwen suggested as Merlin started lifting quiche slices onto plates.

Arthur grabbed one and dug in quickly, glad for something to distract him.

"Merlin, you and Arthur are going to be a team," Gwen said casually. "Do you want to go first?"

Merlin turned to glare at Gwen, annoyance written all over his face. Gwen just smiled innocently and grabbed the card tray.

"Arthur, can you buzz me?" she asked as she stood and moved to the other side of the coffee table so that she was facing the couch.

Arthur looked up blankly from his already half-eaten quiche slice.

"Here." Freya handed him the buzzer. "Go stand next to Gwen and hit the buzzer if she says any of the words she's not supposed to say."

"Oh, right." Arthur set down his quiche and got back to his feet. He rounded the table to stand next to Gwen, looking over her shoulder at the cards.

By the end of Gwen's turn, Arthur was deeply regretting his decision to play the game. Freya had been able to guess every single one of the words and Arthur hadn't had to use the buzzer even once. Gwen and Freya were clearly experts at this game and Arthur's only experience with it included far too much scotch and unsympathetic teammates who had hidden his clothes after he'd passed out. He knew he was going to both embarrass himself and make Merlin part of the losing team, and he wasn't looking forward to it. All he wanted to do was eat the quiche, which was, frankly, delicious.

"Merlin's turn," Gwen said decisively, passing the card tray to Merlin as she sat down.

Arthur resumed his seat and grabbed his fork again. He took a few hurried bites as Freya finished off her vegan slice before standing to take her turn with the buzzer.

"Ready?" Merlin asked Arthur, his eyebrows raised skeptically.

Arthur nodded and swallowed a bit too quickly. "Ready," he coughed.

"Okay." Merlin looked down at his first card, quirked his lips for a moment, and began. "How do pregnant women move from place to place?"

Arthur pulled a face. "What?"

"How do penguins move?"

"Um. Waddle?" Arthur could feel himself flushing. Gwen and Freya had been much quicker with their guessing.

Merlin nodded and moved to the next card. "You put this on your grilled food. Um, it looks like blood and comes in a bottle."

"Ketchup?"

"Yes. This is a... um, mystery--"

 _BZZZZZ_. Freya laughed and shook her head.

"Fuck." Merlin flipped to a new card, his jaw set and determined. Arthur recognised the signs of competitiveness and smiled to himself.

"A priest and rabbi walk into a bar."

Arthur waited for more, but Merlin just stared at him with wide eyes.

"Joke?" he guessed.

"Yes. This is an animal -- like, lions, and this, and bears, oh my."

"Tigers!" Arthur moved to the edge of his seat. He was better at this than he thought.

"This is a tiny... um, sweet thing that you eat after dinner and it's round and has its own baking tray."

"What?"

"Its own baking tray!" Merlin repeated. "Fuck. It's -- argh, it's small and round and maybe you stick a candle in it."

"Cake? A tiny cake? Oh, cupcake." Arthur laughed.

"Okay, this is what... blokes from up north wear if they... like... patterns on their lower halves."

"Kilt!"

"Yes. You use this to warm up your food quickly and some dishes are not safe for it."

"Microwave."

"Yes. This is -- you -- um -- it's pointy. And..."

"Pointy?" Arthur asked, staring at Merlin's stumped face.

"It's, um, it's a sport. Like a track and field sport, I guess. And you... you chuck it and... it's pointy."

"A spear?" Arthur asked, knowing that couldn't be the right answer.

"Time!" Gwen called. "Javelin."

Merlin nodded and handed the card tray to Freya and took the buzzer from her. "Not bad," he said to Arthur.

Arthur picked up his plate and took a large bite of quiche to hide his smile. He had seriously underestimated how fun shouting out random words could be. He knew he wasn't as good at the game as anyone else, but he almost didn't care.

He kept time for Freya and Gwen's next round and tried to keep up with Freya's quick explanations, but Gwen was an even faster guesser than Freya had been. Arthur realised that they had an advantage because they were friends and had played together before; they knew how each other's minds worked and had common experiences to reference for the really tricky words.

When it was his turn for the cards, Gwen took the buzzer and grinned at him reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Merlin's really smart."

Arthur wasn't sure how that was supposed to make him feel better. It just made him feel self-conscious. He knew they were all thinking that he was some dumb jock and he wasn't entirely sure that he was about to prove them wrong.

Freya flipped over the hourglass timer and Arthur looked down at his first card and blanked. He had to get Merlin to guess 'sleepwalk,' but he couldn't say 'night,' 'awake,' 'stroll,' 'conscious,' or 'bed."

"It's, um, when you -- at, um. Oh, fuck."

Merlin slumped slightly and Arthur wracked his brains, trying to come up with anything to say. He really wanted to prove himself to Merlin as something other than a stupid drunk. Gwen and Freya were being nice enough to him, but they hadn't seen him last night. He tried again.

"If you're dreaming and you're... you're going somewhere and then suddenly you really do go somewhere in real life."

Merlin scrunched his face up in confusion and Arthur could feel his neck getting hot again. "Um. Like, you get up, but you're still dreaming, and you... um... you go somewhere. In... in your dreams. But, in reality, too. Like, down a hallway. Or. To the loo."

"Oh -- sleepwalking!" Merlin pointed enthusiastically at Arthur as he shouted.

"Yes!" Arthur grinned and flipped to the next card, which was 'fuzz.' "This, um... you might... find it stuck to your sweater."

"Fluff?"

Arthur shook his head. "I feel warm and..."

"Fuzzy! Fuzz!"

"Yes!" Next was 'speedometer.' "What the -- shit. This is in your, um, the thing that you drive and it... it tells you if you're going too slowly. Or... too quickly. Or just right."

"Oh, what's that even -- speedometer?"

"Yes, excellent." Arthur flipped to the next card and saw 'pupil.' "It's in your -- oh, no. Um, In... okay, if you're a learner, you're a..."

Merlin frowned. "Learner? Um. Apprentice. Student. New-comer. Trainee."

"No, like, in... um, if there's a teacher and she has lots of..."

"I said students. Students. Textbooks? Desks."

"Learner!" Arthur shouted.

"What?"

"Time!" Freya called, laughing.

"Pupil!" Arthur said, turning the card around to show Merlin.

"Oh," Merlin said, sounding disappointed.

"Sorry," Arthur said, the rush of adrenaline wearing off. "I'm not very good."

"You'll get the hang of it," Gwen said sweetly, taking the card tray from him. "Here, buzz me."

Arthur took the buzzer and watched the cards as Gwen sped through them. He tried not to think about losing or how stupid he suddenly felt compared to everyone else. He knew it was just a game, but Arthur had never really able to look at anything as _just a game_. He was too competitive for that.

He tried to shake off the shameful disappointment that had settled over him. When Gwen's turn was over, Merlin took the card tray and Arthur sat down to guess. He reminded himself that the outcome of this game mattered much less than the outcome of one of his football matches, and even if he ended up completely humiliating himself, it was only one day. He doubted he would ever spend time with this particular group of people again, anyway. This was just one strange morning, and tomorrow it wouldn't even matter.

"This is _not_ where I work," Merlin said after Gwen had flipped the timer.

Arthur blinked and tried to think if Merlin had ever said where he worked. The most he had said was that he didn't work from home.

"Home!" Arthur shouted, much louder than necessary. "House, home!"

Merlin grinned and moved onto the next card. Arthur just smiled broadly and continued shouting out his guesses, unable to stay calm or quiet when he was trying to get his brain and tongue to work in rapid succession. He was much better at guessing than he was at hinting, but now he was thinking that he might be able to improve. He just needed a few more turns to practice thinking so quickly and creatively.

"Good," Merlin said appraisingly when his time was up.

Arthur beamed and watched Merlin take over the buzzer for Freya's turn. The girls were still winning, but Arthur was already starting to accept defeat. Merlin didn't seem too upset that they were losing, anyway; he seemed more concerned with having fun than truly competing. That was a concept Arthur hadn't come across since childhood.

Merlin clearly wanted to give good hints and make good guesses, but it was obvious that his main goal was to enjoy himself and this time with his friends. His eyes were lit up as he rested his thumb on the buzzer, eager to interrupt his friend. Freya was a pro and never needed to be buzzed, but Merlin waited at the ready anyway. He laughed when Freya gave humorous hints or when Gwen guessed the wrong word for a split second before giving the right answer. He bounced on the balls of his feet as Freya upped the already quick pace of the game, spewing short and concise hints and flying through her stack of cards. He was alive and practically shaking with excitement about the game.

It was strangely adorable but Arthur tried not to focus on it. Instead, he ate his quiche and forced himself to pay attention to the round that the girls were playing.

Freya and Gwen were flawless as a team. They were like a well-oiled machine and Arthur couldn't help but wonder if Merlin was the same way with the missing Elyan. Part of him wanted to see Merlin at the top, connecting and winning with a teammate who was just as quick and clever.

Another part of him wanted to _be_ that teammate, that other half, for Merlin. He wanted to work with Merlin the way the girls worked together. He knew that the other three were more concerned with fun than winning, and he was pretty sure that no one was even keeping score, but he couldn't help himself. He was a competitive person; he had been raised that way and would always thrive on pitting himself against some worthy opponent and coming out on top. He wanted to win and he wanted Merlin to win, too. He wanted to see the look on Merlin's face when they beat the girls, wanted to see pride flashing across those bright blue eyes.

Arthur approached his second turn with more confidence. He was sure that he could improve his performance.

He had to pass on his first card when he couldn't come up with anything to say for 'Thomas Edison.' He tried not to let it affect him though, and his next cards were easier. He still stumbled over his words and took a while to figure out exactly what to say, but Merlin was a quick thinker and seemed to follow his thought process fairly easily. Arthur tried to keep his eyes on the cards, but he could see Merlin leaning toward him as he tried to spit out easy hints, could see Merlin straining to get closer and to understand and to get inside his brain to come up with the answers.

Arthur got through twice as many cards on his second turn as he had on his first, and he considered it to be a victory. Arthur gave Merlin a huge grin when Freya called the time, and Merlin returned it.

After he took the buzzer for Gwen's turn, Arthur sat back down and finished off his second slice of quiche. He was still hungry, but the pie pan was already empty. He set his plate down on the coffee table and looked up in time to see Freya sliding a slice of her vegan quiche onto it.

"It's good, I promise," she said, handing him his fork.

Arthur glanced up at Merlin, who was shuffling a new set of cards for the card tray.

"It's not going to kill you," he said flatly, sounding unimpressed by Arthur's indecision.

Arthur frowned slightly and considered the quiche slice. He had thought that Merlin was warming up to him, but apparently that was only for the game. Merlin still didn't like him, and Arthur felt the discomfort from earlier creeping over him again.

"Walk on the wild side," Gwen teased. "Drink out of rainbow mugs, eat vegan quiche."

Arthur rolled his eyes, fighting back a blush at the mention of the mug. "I'm not scared. I'm just... what's in it, exactly?"

"Tofu and almond milk," Merlin said.

"My favourite," Arthur muttered, staring down at the quiche again.

"Go on," Freya said, grinning.

Arthur shrugged and cut off the tip of the slice. He lifted the fork and sniffed it cautiously, giving them all a dubious look before putting it in his mouth.

"Well?" Merlin asked after a moment, his eyebrows so high that they had disappeared under his unruly fringe.

Arthur wondered why Merlin even cared. He chewed thoughtfully, mostly for show, and swallowed.

"It's not the most horrible thing I've ever had in my mouth," he conceded.

Merlin snorted in amusement before turning his attention back to the card tray. "Ready?"

Freya stood to take the buzzer and Arthur ate another bite of the vegan quiche.

"I have a question," he said around his mouthful. Merlin looked somewhat offended, so he swallowed quickly. "How do you win this game?"

"We don't really play that way," Freya explained. "We just keep going until we're bored. Sometimes we keep piles of all the cards each team guesses correctly so we can count them up at the end, but I guess we forgot this time."

"We didn't forget," Gwen said. "Merlin just didn't want proof that he's on the losing team."

Merlin scowled. "Just flip the timer."

The game continued on for at least another hour and while Freya and Gwen continued to dominate, Arthur felt that he and Merlin had done a good job of slowly but surely catching up.

Arthur had eaten half of the vegan quiche before Gwen said she was bored and Freya said she had to leave to meet someone for lunch. 

"Who is it this time?" Merlin asked cheekily, dropping the card tray onto the coffee table. "Same girl as last week?"

Arthur glanced up from where he was putting the timer and cards back into the game's box.

"Yes, actually," Freya said happily.

"Is she a keeper?" Gwen asked.

Freya shrugged, still smiling. "I don't know yet. She's fun, though."

"That's good to hear," Gwen said, sounding surprised. She turned to Arthur and explained, "Freya has the _worst_ taste in girls."

"Oh," Arthur said stupidly. He glanced between Freya and Merlin, then over at Gwen. "Are you... all gay?"

Gwen burst out laughing and Arthur felt himself going red even though he was relieved that she wasn't offended.

"No, I'm straight," she explained.

Arthur nodded and continued putting the game away, glad to have something to do. His face was burning and he was pretty sure that Merlin was watching him.

He listened to Freya get ready, waiting for someone to break the awkward silence.

"What's her name?" Merlin finally asked.

"Mithian," Freya said. Arthur looked up through his fringe and saw her standing by the door with Merlin. "She's tall, dark, and handsome. Only, you know, in lesbian form."

"I'm pretty sure 'tall, dark, and handsome' only applies to lesbians," Merlin teased.

Arthur put the lid back on the game and looked up in time to see Freya and Merlin kissing each other on the cheek. Freya gave him and Gwen a wave before scurrying out the door.

"I should probably go, too," Gwen said, standing up. "I promised Elyan I'd make him some soup."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "He's pathetic when he's sick."

"Please, like you're any better."

Merlin smiled innocently and Gwen laughed before turning to Arthur. "It was nice meeting you," she said, holding out her hand. Arthur stood to shake it. "You should come again next week. We'll play a different game and maybe Elyan will be here. You'll like him, he's a massive football fan. He coaches it and everything."

"Er... yeah, maybe." Arthur gave her a smile, thinking that there was no chance in hell that Merlin would let him back into their tight circle of friends for another week.

Gwen grinned back at him and turned to hug Merlin goodbye. Arthur waved when she left a moment later, then reached up to fiddle with the sunglasses still hanging off his shirt collar.

"Thanks for the quiche," he said quietly, hoping Merlin wasn't going to snap at him now that the girls were finally gone. "They were really good, even the vegan one."

"Thanks," Merlin said as he bent down to put the Taboo box away. "Sorry if you found that whole thing boring, but it's what we like to do."

"It wasn't boring," Arthur said honestly. "I had fun. Thanks for letting me stay."

Merlin nodded. "Well, like I said, Gwen would have had my head on a platter if I'd kicked you out, so..."

"Right." Arthur slipped his hands into his pockets and made for the door, ready to leave. Apparently Merlin hadn't changed his opinion of Arthur at all over the course of the morning. "Well, thanks again for last night," he said, opening the door. "I really do appreciate it. The last thing I need right now is to end up in some horrible tabloid looking like a crazy drunk."

Merlin shrugged it off. "It's fine. Don't mention it."

"Well." Arthur looked across the hallway at his own door and then back at Merlin. "Thanks for having me." He held out his hand and Merlin shook it politely.

"Thanks for staying," Merlin said, not quite meeting Arthur's gaze. "You really made Gwen's day. You probably made her whole month, actually."

"I'm glad." Arthur stepped out into the hallway and gave Merlin a small wave. "See you around."

"See you," Merlin said before closing his door.

Arthur retreated quickly into his own flat and flung himself dramatically onto the couch. He landed on a magazine and a pair of socks, but he didn't care. He knew he should clean, or at least hire someone else to clean for him, but all he really wanted to do was lounge on his couch and bask in the disarray.

He thought about Merlin's flat across the hall, and how neat and tidy it had been. Everything Merlin owned seemed to have a proper place, and more importantly, everything had actually been in that proper place. It had been a nice change, but honestly, Arthur didn't mind having a messy flat. He actually loved it, but he knew it put other people off. Morgana, for one, was constantly giving him hell for it -- though Arthur supposed that was what siblings were for. Most of his ex-girlfriends hadn't been fans either, though Elena hadn't minded too much.

Pushing away thoughts of Elena, Arthur got off the couch and went into his kitchen. He inspected his cupboards and the fridge, writing down every single missing food item he could think of until he had a two-column list on the back of an envelope. He read over his list when he was done and put it down with a sigh. Shopping could wait for now; he was still quite full from Merlin's quiches. He wondered if it would be worth finding a quiche recipe so that he could try out making them for himself.

Something warm and soft settled on his feet and he looked down to see his cat sitting on his toes and blinking up at him.

"Oh! There you are."

Arthur wiggled his toes but the cat just rubbed her face on his legs.

"If you get off my feet, I promise to buy you a treat later." The cat looked up at him curiously and Arthur rolled his eyes. "Come on, Matilda. There's better places for you to sit."

He lifted his feet until she stood and stalked off, putting on a very good display of being offended.

"Stupid cat," he muttered, following her back to the couch.

When he sat down, Matilda sprawled herself across his feet again. Arthur shifted around slightly, trying to find a comfortable way to sit with a cat trapping his feet on the floor.

"You are such a weirdo," he said, leaning down to scratch at her ears.

As he sat back up, he grabbed his laptop off the coffee table, set it on his knees, and opened it up. He had emails from his sister and his agent, but he didn't bother reading them. If it was important information, they would call.

Realising he hadn't checked his mobile in at least twelve hours, Arthur glanced toward his bedroom.

"Get up," he told Matilda, wiggling his toes again.

She stayed in place, so he reached down and picked her up. She squirmed, leapt out of his hands, and ran into the guest bedroom.

Arthur pushed his laptop onto the couch and went into his room. His clothes from the night before were still on the floor by the bed and he knelt down to fish his mobile out of his jeans pocket. He turned it on and went back to the couch, settling his feet on the coffee table and waiting for it to boot up.

He had three unread texts, two from Elena and one from his teammate Lance.

**From Elena: I'm sorry.**

**From Elena: Let me know when it's convenient for you and I'll come get my things.**

**From Lance: Are you okay? Come for dinner.**

Arthur stared at his phone for a while, trying to decide if he really wanted to see either Elena or Lance. He would see Lance the next day at training anyway, and he wasn't sure he was up to spending the evening pretending to be upset about Elena, especially when he didn't even know how Lance had found out about their break-up.

Besides, he _was_ okay. He was more than okay, actually. The game of Taboo had really lightened his mood, even if Merlin had still hated him by the end of it. He couldn't pretend that the game hadn't been fun.

He didn't care when Elena came to get the few things she had left at Arthur's flat over the past weeks, but he did have other plans for the afternoon. In his experience, nothing cured the remnants of a hangover headache like a good, long wank.  
His mind made up, Arthur wrote back to Lance first.

_I'm okay. I can't come for dinner, but I'll see you tomorrow._

Then he text Elena, trying to keep his tone polite and neutral. He didn't want her to think that he didn't care, or alternatively that he cared too much.

_I'm pretty busy today, but you can come over any other time. Let me know when works for you and I'll make sure I'm home._

When the text had sent, Arthur turned his phone back off and dragged his laptop back onto his legs. He briefly checked the news and the weather before digging through his bookmarks and opening his favourite porn websites.

  
**~~~**  


Merlin checked his watch and frowned. It was only 4pm, which meant that he had another hour of work -- and then two hours of working on his thesis -- before he could go home. He loved his job -- and he loved his thesis -- but he was already exhausted. He had spent most of the day trying to re-write budget lines, and it had nearly put him to sleep.

"Merlin."

Merlin looked up from his computer to see Geoffrey Monmouth, the director of the archives, standing in the doorway of his office.

"Sir?"

"There's a woman on the phone. She doesn't speak English but she refuses to speak to me in French. I'm tired and old, so you can deal with her for me."

"Yes sir," Merlin mumbled as his boss walked away. He waited a moment for Geoffrey to transfer the call and when his phone rang, he picked up the receiver and tried to sound as cheerful as possible. "Bonjour, je m'appelle Monsieur Emrys. Comment puis-je vous aider?"

Merlin struggled through the conversation for half an hour before he finally convinced the woman to come into the archives in person. He knew that she wanted to donate something, but because she only spoke a dozen words of English and refused to speak to him in French, he couldn't find out much more information.

After hanging up, Merlin slammed his head down on his desk and groaned. He let himself be frustrated for a minute, but shook off the incident with a roll of his eyes. There were other tasks he had to finish before he could start working on his thesis.

Work dragged on for another thirty minutes, and then Merlin tried to research for what felt like five hours. When he finally allowed himself to check his watch again, hoping it was close to seven o'clock, he was mortified to find that it was only 5:45.

He slumped in his chair and rubbed his eyes tiredly, wondering how he was going to make it through over an hour of more research. His eyes were stinging from staring at his computer for so long, and he was having trouble concentrating.

Deciding to give himself a five minute break, Merlin checked his mobile. There was a text from Gwen that had come through an hour ago.

**From Gwen: Can we have dinner when you're done at work?**

Merlin grinned and replied quickly.

_Can we have dinner now?_

His five minutes were almost up before Gwen responded.

**From Gwen: Aren't you there until 7?**

_I want to quit now, though._

**From Gwen: Hang in there, kiddo. Let's meet at the Dragon at 6:45.**

_Perfect!_

Merlin worked diligently for another half hour, taking copious unnecessary notes to make himself feel better about slacking off earlier, and then packed up his belongings quickly. Everyone else at the archives had already gone home, even Freya who often stayed late to do extra work of her own, so he turned off all the lights, locked all the necessary doors, and headed out for the tube.

Gwen was already sitting at the back of the pub when he arrived, but she stood to hug him hello.

"I ordered you the chilli," she said as she sat back down.

"You're the best." Merlin settled into his seat and took a sip of the beer that Gwen had also ordered for him. "I should really change my schedule," he said after a moment of peaceful quiet. "Two extra hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays is too much... what was I thinking?"

"You were thinking that if you worked extra hours on those days that you could go to your yoga classes on the other days."

"Oh, right." Merlin sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I wish I had time for yoga every day."

Gwen laughed and patted his hand gently. "You're an addict."

"I'm okay with that. Maybe I should cut thesis stuff down to one hour, though. I could also go in on Saturdays to make up for it."

Gwen shook her head. "You work too hard."

"I'd like to see you trying to earn a Ph.D. while having a full-time job and not work too hard."

"That's not a situation I'd ever put myself into. I'm perfectly happy with one degree, thank you. I don't need three."

Merlin made a face and took another sip of his beer. "When's the food coming?"

"After they finish making it," Gwen deadpanned.

"I thought they served it half-cooked?"

"Only when you're here," Gwen said, raising her beer in a mock toast.

Merlin clinked his glass against hers. "How was work?" he asked after he'd swallowed another mouthful of beer.

"Awkward. Matt hasn't been too pleased with me this week."

" _Matt_ showed up to our date twenty minutes late and spent over an hour talking about commas and semicolons. _Semicolons_ , Gwen. Besides, he was short and fat." Gwen stared at him and Merlin rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine, he wasn't that fat. But he was short."

"He's taller than me," Gwen pointed out.

"Everyone's taller than you."

"Is that supposed to offend me? Anyway, he said you were rude."

"Because he showed up twenty minutes late and didn't even bother apologising," Merlin defended himself.

"You're too picky."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting punctuality and basic politeness -- not to mention good conversation."

"And at least two degrees and an interest in queer culture and a desire to help the community and the ability to finish crossword puzzles and a love of nerdy board games. Not to mention blond hair and a winning smile and blue eyes and a prominent Adam's apple and enough strength to toss you around in bed and big enough thighs to crush your head and a long enough cock to--"

"Okay, okay!" Merlin held up his hands in surrender. "I get your point. I'm just saying that Matt was nothing close to my type and you should have realised it wasn't going to work out."

"I wasn't trying to get you two engaged. I just thought you might like access to another man's cock for once. You're obviously gagging for it."

"And you're obviously spending too much time with Elyan," Merlin retorted. "Gagging for it? Honestly. I thought you were supposed to be the innocent one."

"I never signed that contract."

"Whatever. The point is that Matt was late and boring and not that hot."

"Maybe you should lower your standards. It's unlikely you're going to find someone as gorgeous as Arthur Pendragon who is also qualified as a doctor or a lawyer or whatever it is you're looking for."

"Arthur Pendragon is not gorgeous," Merlin protested pointlessly. "So, you can get those creepy little plans out of your head. He's straight and I'm not interested, anyway."

"Yeah, you made that perfectly clear," Gwen said, rolling her eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you were exceedingly rude to him on Sunday."

Merlin shrugged. "He's a dick."

"He seemed nice to me. Besides, Morgana's always saying he's harmless."

"Did he tell you why he was even there on Sunday?"

"No. I assumed you'd made small talk in the hallway and invited him in or something."

Merlin paused while their waitress brought their food. He stirred his chilli and waited until Gwen's mouth was full of chips before explaining. "He got completely pissed on Saturday night and Kilian had me drag him home and put him to bed. He came over to apologise on Sunday morning and you showed up before he could leave."

"Did you get to see him naked?" Gwen asked, waggling her eyebrows.

"No."

"Shame."

Merlin shook his head and took a bite of chilli. "He's straight, Gwen. And a prat, so I'm not even interested."

"He wasn't that bad. He was nice! He even drank out of your gay pride mug."

"Whatever. That doesn't make him my friend."

Gwen sighed and Merlin went back to his chilli.

"I could do it, you know," she said with a small smile. "I have my ways."

"You mean you work for his sister and think she'll help you set up her straight brother with your gay best friend. Good luck with that."

"Morgana's his step-sister," Gwen corrected. "Or adopted sister -- something like that. Anyway, I have no such plans. I'm just glad you finally agreed to go out, even if it was just with Matt. It's really time to get over Will."

"I am over Will," Merlin said firmly. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to run around fucking every available bloke."

"Sleeping around has its benefits," Gwen said wisely.

"Says the serial monogamist."

"Just because I don't do it doesn't mean it's not worth doing."

"I don't know why you're so concerned with my sex life, but I'll stick to my hand for now, if that's all right with you."

"It's not, but I can see I'm not going to convince you. How is your hand?"

"Just fine, thanks. And yours?"

Gwen grinned. "Busy, busy, busy."

"As always," Merlin muttered. He started in on his chilli again, wondering if maybe he and Gwen knew a little bit too much about each other's lives.

  
**~~~**  


Arthur grunted as he set the weights back on their stand. He relaxed for a moment, lying across the bench press and staring up at the club ceiling, then sat up and watched Lance finish a set. 

Lance sniffed and wiped sweat off his forehead as he sat up and turned to Arthur.

"Are you ready to talk yet?"

"What?"

"About Elena," Lance explained. "Are you ready to talk about it?"

Arthur frowned slightly, taking in Lance's earnest expression. "You've been waiting all week to ask me that, haven't you?"

Lance gave him a small smile. "Well, maybe. I thought you would bring it up, but it's already Thursday and... I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine," Arthur said with a shrug. He hadn't given Elena or their relationship much thought since she had come by to get her things on Tuesday evening. He had been more preoccupied with the upcoming season -- and with replaying the game of Taboo over and over again in his head, though he kept telling himself that he was doing it unconsciously. "How did you find out, anyway?"

"She phoned me on Saturday night," Lance said guiltily. "She asked me to look after you... she said you were pretty upset."

"I wasn't upset -- I'm not upset. I'm..."

"Single and loving it?" Lance suggested.

Arthur forced a smile.

"Who's single?" Leon asked, coming over to sit on Lance's bench.

Lance pointed at Arthur. "Who else?"

Leon gave Arthur a concerned look. "Again?"

"I'm fine," Arthur insisted. "Honestly. I'm great. Never better."

Leon and Lance looked at each other and Arthur lay back down to do another set, hoping they would drop it.

"What happened this time?" Leon asked gently.

"Nothing," Arthur said through clenched teeth as he lifted the weights. "Just didn't work out."

"Do my ears deceive me?"

Arthur looked around to see Valiant approaching his bench with Gwaine close behind. He looked toward the ceiling again and tried to focus on his biceps.

"The great Pendragon single again?" Valiant teased.

"It happens," Lance said. "It's not like _you're_ seeing anyone."

"I'm taking Gwaine's sister on a date this weekend," Valiant said proudly.

"She lives in Italy," Leon pointed out.

"She's moving here tomorrow," Gwaine said in his thick Italian accent. "She will live with me."

"And you're really letting this one take her out?" Lance asked.

"No," Gwaine said, laughing. "He keeps saying that, but she's a lesbian."

"Doesn't matter to me," Valiant said. Arthur could practically hear his shit-eating grin. "I like a good challenge."

"She wants an English girlfriend," Gwaine said, giving Valiant's arm a punch. "Not an English boyfriend."

"Well, if I can't convert her, I'm sure Pendragon can." Valiant kicked harder than necessary at Arthur's shin. "He wouldn't even have to try. He'd just smile and she'd be all over him. Girls always fall for that big stupid grin, don't they?"

Arthur dropped the weights back on their stand. "Not lesbians," he said, sitting up and moving down the edge of the bench. He hooked his feet around more weights and started lifting them, trying to ignore the conversation going on around him.

"She doesn't even like _nice_ guys," Gwaine said. "Why would she like _you_?"

Lance and Leon chuckled, but Valiant scoffed.

"I am a nice guy, especially to lesbians."

Arthur started pumping his legs faster. There was silence for a moment and Arthur hoped that no one would bait Valiant on the topic.

"Why?" Gwaine asked, sounding genuinely confused.

Arthur swore in his head. Gwaine was a great guy, and a great drinking partner, but sometimes Arthur wished that he would just stay quiet. His English was almost perfect but he always seemed to miss out on the obvious jokes.

"Because then I'll get to watch."

Gwaine laughed and punched Valiant again. Arthur glanced over at Lance and Leon, who were rolling their eyes but still grinning.

"No lesbian will ever let you watch," Lance said categorically. "That's rather the point of being a lesbian."

"Maybe you can find gay men to let you watch, instead," Gwaine said, chuckling.

"Why would I want to watch a bunch of queers?" Valiant asked, his tone serious.

"Maybe they can teach you something about how to treat a lady," Gwaine said without missing a beat.

Leon snorted and Arthur let the weight drops with a clang.

"I'm going to stretch," he mumbled, pushing his way past Valiant.

Arthur settled himself on a mat in the far corner and started stretching out his legs. He tried to clear his mind, but it was reeling. He had never got along with Valiant, but for the first few years they'd played together, it hadn't mattered. Then Arthur had been made team captain the year before, and he felt pressured to get along with everyone. Valiant certainly didn't make it easy; he seemed utterly clueless about how rude and offensive he almost always was.

Arthur knew he should just shake it off and move on, but his tolerance for Valiant's bullshit was extremely limited. He'd found out at the end of their previous season that Valiant had been the reason behind one of the assistant physios quitting. Arthur had been relieved to see him go -- he'd been the source of Arthur's stress-induced eating disorder-- until one of the other assistant physios let slip that he'd quit because of Valiant's constant homophobic remarks.

The news hadn't been entirely surprising. Arthur had seen Valiant interact with the man and was frankly amazed that he had lasted as long as he did, considering it was the reason he'd finally quit. Every time he'd laid his hands on Valiant, for stretching or massaging or anything, Valiant had teased him about enjoying it and then said in no uncertain terms that he had better keep his hands in appropriate places or risk being punched.

Arthur thought about Gwen and what she had said about Merlin having "trouble" with footballers. It didn't take much imagination to figure out what she had meant. Arthur knew first-hand that athletes could be crass, lewd, and downright offensive. He had heard racist, sexist, and homophobic remarks tossed around in the locker room for so long that he was almost -- almost -- desensitised to it.

"Hey."

Arthur looked up to see Lance hovering over him.

"You all right?" Lance asked, grabbing Arthur's right leg and holding it straight up in the air.

Arthur breathed through the tight burn running down the back of his leg.

"I'm good," Arthur said on a sigh as Lance let go of his leg.

"Good." Lance stretched Arthur's left leg before lying down on the next mat to do his own stretches.

  
**~~~**  


Merlin had already had quite a lot to drink. He was out with his friends, celebrating the start of the weekend and also the fact that he had accomplished so much on his thesis. It was rare that he had such a productive week, especially since he'd quit early on Tuesday afternoon. Usually he got distracted by his job, or got lazy about analysing data, or got overwhelmed by the amount of work to be done and just let it pile up around him. 

However, this week he had managed to exceed his goals, and so he felt that he deserved a night out. When he suggested it to Gwen, she immediately called their friends and told everyone who was free to meet them at the Unicorn.

The Unicorn was the gay club across the street from the Dragon. It was small and full of glitter and people who liked to do drugs and take their clothes off.

Freya and Mithian were dancing, Gwen and Elyan were chatting near the door, and Merlin was at the bar with Morgana, eye-fucking a huge blond across the room.

"Go talk to him," Morgana shouted in his ear to be heard over the thumping music.

"No thanks," Merlin screamed back. "I rather fancy my dignity."

"You're no fun," Morgana teased.

Merlin shrugged, finished off his cocktail, and turned to order another. He flirted a little with Mordred, the suspiciously young-looking bartender, licking his lips a few too many times and admittedly overusing his bedroom eyes.

"You're drunk," Morgana pointed out as Merlin started sipping his new drink.

Merlin nodded and tried to search out the blond again, but he had disappeared.

"You should go dance with someone. Aren't you supposed to be celebrating?"

Merlin shrugged and swallowed too much of his cocktail at once. He coughed and shuddered as the alcohol burned on the way down. He wasn't in the right mindset to go find someone to dance with. All the drinks had put him in a weird headspace. He liked watching sexy men dance, and he was definitely horny, but he had a horrible pang of loneliness that had settled in his chest somewhere around the time he had seen Freya and Mithian making out over their shared vodka shots.

He really didn't want to get off with some random guy. Something like that would only be satisfying until the moment of orgasm, and then there would be nothing left but awkwardness and regret.

Merlin wanted a boyfriend. He had liked being with Will, even if it had been boring and unfulfilling. He liked having someone there, someone to share things with, someone to cuddle and say stupid things to in the middle of the night.

He wanted even more than that, though. He wanted someone who drove him out of his mind with desire. He wanted someone who made him desperate with lust. He wanted someone who could really do a number on him in bed... and cover him with kitten licks afterward. He wanted someone who liked to watch stupid shows and drink lots of tea and do puzzles. He wanted someone to race against in crosswords or sudokus or even jigsaws. He wanted someone who wouldn't judge him for wanting to make an ice-cream-eating fort in his living room during the summer. He wanted someone to help him build the fort, someone who would buy specific ice-cream-eating-fort ice cream, someone who would smear that ice cream on him and then lick it off and fuck him in the fort. He wanted someone who liked weird pets and rainbows and vegan chocolate and glitter eyeshadow.

"HEY!" Morgana's fingers snapped in front of his face.

Merlin startled and fumbled his glass. Morgana caught it and set it down on the bar, but Merlin quickly grabbed it again and started sipping at it.

"You zoned out," she said, looking concerned.

"Sorry. Drunk."

Morgana gave him a lopsided smirk. "You're really adorable sometimes."

Merlin rolled his eyes and tried his best not to pout. "Adorable isn't going to get me an ice-cream-fort-building boyfriend!"

Morgana gave him a worried look for a moment, but then burst out laughing. "God, you are drunk, aren't you?"

"Yes, we've established that."

"Such big words," Morgana teased. "Let me tell you what. I don't know about the ice cream fort business, but I know some very attractive and very available gay men I can set you up with, if you're in the mood for boyfriend shopping."

Merlin finished off his drink, pulled a face, and slammed his glass down on the bar. "Fuck your availactive and attractible gay men. I can get a boyfriend on my own!"

Before Morgana could do anything other than blink, Merlin pushed himself away from the bar and headed toward the door. Gwen and Elyan tried to stop him from leaving, but he told them that he had a headache and, after many assurances that he was fine to walk home and that he would call if he felt like he was going to choke on his own vomit, they let him leave.

  
**~~~**  


Arthur was sore, but he was almost always sore. He had gotten an extra long massage at the end of training that day, and while it had eased the pain in his knees, it had also put him half to sleep. He was exhausted and all he wanted was ice cream and maybe a long cuddle with Matilda. 

Unfortunately, he and Matilda had never followed the same cuddling schedule. She was usually highly affronted when he tried to interrupt her naps for a bit of affection.

Also unfortunately, he didn't have any ice cream. He never bought himself sweets, because eating ice cream and cookies every time he felt sore and lonely was no way to stay fit for a season.

Arthur shifted slightly on the couch, wishing not for the first time that he had magic food-summoning powers. He had some granola bars in the kitchen that would have to do for his late-night snack, but he really didn't want to get up to find them. He wanted them to just come to him, and he really didn't think that was too much to ask for.

Just as he was deciding to stay on the couch and suffer though a snackless night -- with lots of porn to ease his pain -- Arthur's doorknob started turning. He watched curiously as it shook pointlessly, the muffled sounds of someone struggling with a key coming into his supposedly soundproof flat.

When it had gone on for at least a minute, Arthur stood up and checked the peephole. Merlin was in the hallway, looking red-faced and sweaty. Arthur took pity and opened his door. Merlin nearly fell into him and only just managed to put a hand out to stop himself.

"Sorry," Merlin said, blinking at his hand, which had landed on Arthur's chest. "Get out of my flat."

Arthur took in the glitter splashed across Merlin's eyelids and cheekbones, wondering if it had smeared or if Merlin had done it that way on purpose. It was odd to see a fully-grown man covered in glitter, but Arthur quickly decided that it was a good look on Merlin; it brought out his already prominent cheekbones, emphasising how long and sharp they were.

"This is my flat," Arthur said quickly when he realised he'd been staring. "You must be very drunk."

"Your fucking sister made me drunk," Merlin mumbled, dropping his hand. He wrestled with his keys for a moment before managing to pull them out of Arthur's doorknob.

"You know my sister?" Arthur asked, slightly panicked. He was close with Morgana, but he generally tried to keep their lives very separate. He didn't socialise with her friends and he never invited her to socialise with his teammates. It was bad enough having his father so involved in his professional life -- he didn't need his sister there as well.

"Everyone knows your sister," Merlin said vaguely as he stumbled through an attempt to turn around and face the correct door. He unlocked his flat and made a beeline for his couch, not bothering to turn on the lights or close the door.

Arthur stepped out of his own flat, careful to close his own door, and walked across the hallway. He flipped the lights on and eyed Merlin warily.

"Do you like need a bucket or something?"

Merlin, who was sprawled out on the couch like a glittering, dying starfish, shook his head. "I need a good fuck."

Arthur blinked, trying hard not to imagine someone fucking Merlin right there on the couch. "I'm not sure I can help you with that."

"I don't want your help!" Merlin shouted. Arthur quickly closed the door, eager not to disturb anyone else on their hall. "I don't want anyone's help! I'm not so pathetic that I can't find my own damn dates."

"Mate, I wasn't saying--"

"Your sister!" Merlin sat up slightly and pointed accusingly at Arthur. "She's trying to set me up with hot men."

Arthur couldn't help but laugh at Merlin's offended tone. "I didn't realise that was such a horrible thing for someone to do."

"I can get my own dates," Merlin insisted. He yawned and stretched, reaching his arms over his head and letting his shirt ride up his front.

Arthur gawked slightly at the hint of ink on Merlin's side. He never would have pegged Merlin as the type to have a tattoo, but he was suddenly wondering if Merlin had any other tattoos -- or piercings. Before he could try to get a good look at it, Merlin's arms flopped back down dramatically. Arthur realised he had been staring again and snapped his gaze to the lizard's tank instead. The lizard was gazing at him steadily and Arthur thought it had a distinct expression of disapproval.

"Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've had sex?" Merlin asked mournfully.

Arthur shook his head. "Can't say that I do."

"Almost five months," Merlin said gravely. "Do you have any idea what that's like?"

Arthur shook his head again, still trying to push images of Merlin getting fucked on the couch out of his head. "No, but--"

"Of course you don't," Merlin said, pouting and rolling his eyes. "You're a fucking football star. You're the whole world's sweetheart, aren't you? Popular and famous and fucking dripping in pussy, I expect. You probably get pussy like, like -- like a cat."

"Wow. Okay, I think it's time to end this conversation and get you into bed."

"You are not taking me to bed," Merlin said angrily, barely managing to get to his feet.

"I'm not _taking you to bed_ ," Arthur mumbled, pushing at Merlin's shoulders until Merlin started staggering toward his room. "I'm _putting you in bed_. Same as you did to me."

"I saw your nipple ring, by the way." Merlin turned the light on in his room and crawled ungracefully onto his large bed. "I don't like this bed," he said, kicking off his shoes. "There's no one to cuddle with."

"You're like a pre-teen girl when you're drunk," Arthur said, deciding against revealing that he had felt the same way not ten minutes earlier.

"I don't like you." Merlin made a face at Arthur before face-planting into his pillow.

"Yeah, I've noticed. Why is that exactly?" 

Merlin rolled over onto his back and glared up at Arthur. "You're a stupid famous _footballer_ who doesn't care about anything but _girls_ and -- and food."

Arthur held back a laugh. "Food?"

"I've never seen anyone eat that much quiche," Merlin said grumpily. "Besides, you're a prick and a homophobe and I don't like you."

"You said that already. And I'm not a homophobe," Arthur added, unable to stop himself.

"Of course you are." Merlin crossed his arms over his chest for a moment, then shifted them up to cover his face instead.

"I drank out of your rainbow mug, didn't I?"

Merlin peered at Arthur through the gap in his arms. "So?"

"So... I'm -- I'm not a homophobe."

"Morgana says you're a homophobe."

"Morgana doesn't know--" Arthur stopped himself quickly. "Doesn't know that I'm willing to drink out of rainbow mugs."

"Homophobe," Merlin accused.

Arthur sighed. "Merlin..."

Merlin lowered his arms and looked curiously up at Arthur. "Why are you even here?"

"Because I'm not a homophobe," Arthur said, close to shouting. "Besides, I'm returning the favour."

"What favour?"

"The dragging-my-drunken-arse-to-bed favour."

"Oh." Merlin considered this for a second before rolling back over onto his stomach and mumbling something into the pillow.

"Care to repeat that?"

Merlin grunted and turned his head just slightly. "Will you read to me?"

Arthur blinked downed at Merlin's earnest face. "What? Are you serious?"

Merlin nodded, looking exactly like a sick child hoping for his favourite soup. "Please?"

"You're ridiculous," Arthur said flatly. "Not ten seconds ago you were calling me a homophobe, and now you want me to read you a bedtime story?"

Merlin propped himself up on his elbows and Arthur noticed that some of his glitter had rubbed off on the pillowcase.

"Are you going to read to me or not?"

Arthur sighed, feeling defeated, and looked around Merlin's room. Like the rest of Merlin's flat, his room was tidy and filled with bookshelves. There was a sizable television on top of his dresser, dozens of small art prints hanging on the walls, and what looked to Arthur like a few hundred books spread out over various shelves and also lying on every available surface, except the floor.

"What do you want me to read?"

" _Phantom Tollbooth_."

Arthur glanced toward the nearest bookshelf, wondering where to start his search.

"Side table," Merlin said, toeing off his socks.

Arthur pulled open the top drawer of Merlin's side table. The book was right on top, but as Arthur picked it up, he couldn't help but notice what was underneath. Merlin's drawer was filled with lube and condoms and sex toys. There were dildos and vibrators and handcuffs and at least three different cock rings.

Arthur gulped and closed the drawer quickly, struggling to keep his mind on the task at hand. He was supposed to be taking care of a drunken Merlin, not getting distracted by thoughts of Merlin handcuffed to the bed with a vibrating dildo shoved up his arse.

"Find it?" Merlin asked, speaking mostly into his pillow again.

"Yeah."

Arthur cleared his throat and sat on the edge of the bed, and Merlin immediately snuggled up to his back and wrapped an arm around his middle.

"Don't," Arthur said, jumping up at the touch. "Um." He stared down at Merlin's annoyed face, his heart racing. "Don't -- um. I'm sorry."

"Homophobe," Merlin said, slowly and clearly. He rolled onto his back again.

"I'm not a homophobe," Arthur said, feeling he would never be able to prove himself to Merlin. "Just... please don't touch me."

Merlin glared at him for a long moment, then sighed and slid begrudgingly onto one side of the bed before getting under the covers.

"I won't touch you," he promised, motioning for Arthur to lay down on the other side of the bed. "Scout's honour."

"Were you a scout?" Arthur asked sceptically, brushing his fingers over the duvet.

"No."

Arthur licked his lips nervously. "Right."

He got awkwardly onto the bed, careful to keep a safe distance between himself and Merlin. His heart was still hammering away in his chest, and he hoped Merlin wouldn't notice how nervous and clammy he suddenly was.

"Shall I start from the beginning?" he asked, deciding to get the reading over with quickly so that he could go back to the safety and comfort of his own flat.

"There's a bookmark."

Arthur let himself glance over at Merlin and saw that he had curled up on his side and closed his eyes. He looked ready for a good, long sleep, buried under the covers and peacefully waiting for his bedtime story. His cheeks were flushed from the alcohol and his lips looked dry and chapped.

Arthur's gaze lingered on Merlin's lips for a moment. They were bigger than he remembered them being. They were full, almost plump -- especially the bottom one. Arthur licked his own lips again and dragged his eyes away from the sight. They landed instead on Merlin's eyelashes, which seemed much longer than a man's eyelashes should be. Arthur couldn't claim that he had ever paid attention to another man's eyelashes before, but he was pretty sure that Merlin had feminine eyelashes. They were long and delicate and Arthur wondered if it was just an effect of all the glitter.

  


[ ](http://achelseabee.livejournal.com/2096.html)

  


Merlin's eyes opened and Arthur snapped his attention back to the book. He found the bookmark quickly and started reading without processing a single word he was saying. Merlin was silent on the other side of the bed and Arthur didn't dare check to see if his eyes were closed again.

Two chapters later, Arthur finally relaxed enough to pay attention to what he was reading. Best he could figure, there was a small and excitable boy traveling through a magical land with a part-dog-part-clock and giant well-dressed bug. There were puns that made him smile and alliterative dialogue that tripped him up, but he kept on reading. It was obviously a children's book, but Arthur couldn't bring himself to judge Merlin. He found it kind of sweet that Merlin liked to read kids' books at night. Although, why Merlin kept such an innocent book in the same drawer as handcuffs and cock rings was totally beyond Arthur.

After three more chapters, Arthur finally paused and allowed himself to look over at Merlin. Merlin's eyes were closed and his mouth was hanging open slightly. He was breathing deeply and calmly.

"Merlin?"

There was no answer, so Arthur slid sideways off the bed as gently as he could, not wanting to wake Merlin. He set the waste bin next to Merlin's side of the bed, just in case, before turning off the lights and closing the door as he left.

Once he was back out in Merlin's living room, he realised he was still holding the _Phantom Tollbooth_. He dropped it onto the coffee table and was about to go back to his own flat when he noticed Merlin's mobile sticking out between two couch cushions.

Arthur picked it up and considered going back into Merlin's room to leave it on the side table for him to find in the morning. He tapped the screen and the mobile lit up and prompted Arthur to unlock it with a single slide of his finger.

He knew he shouldn't, at least not without permission, but he did it anyway. Merlin had a picture of his lizard as the background for his mobile. Arthur grinned at it and decided to look through the rest of Merlin's pictures.

There were an embarrassing amount of pictures of the lizard, and Arthur had a hard time not laughing every time he came across another one. The lizard looked the same in every single picture.

The rest of the pictures seemed to be of Merlin and his friends. There were a couple pictures of Freya and Gwen posing with brightly coloured cocktails, pictures of Merlin positively covered in glitter and kissing his friends on the cheeks or on the lips. There was even a picture of Morgana and Gwen hugging in what Arthur was pretty sure was the Dragon.

Arthur didn't know what to make of the pictures. They were happy and carefree and so foreign to him. He couldn't imagine being so comfortable with himself that he would go out in public covered in so much glitter. Of course, Merlin wasn't famous and didn't have any paparazzi after him, so it really didn't matter what he did in public.

Arthur continued scrolling through the pictures until he came across one of the man he recognised as Merlin's ex-boyfriend. Staring at him with what Arthur could only describe as bedroom eyes was Will, the man Arthur had seen coming out of Merlin's flat countless times.

Wondering why Merlin still had a picture of his ex on his mobile, Arthur scrolled past the picture. The next one was of Merlin and Will together. As far as Arthur could tell, the picture was taken in Merlin's bed, while the couple was lying down together. They looked happy.

The next picture was of them kissing.

Arthur went back to the home screen, not at all sure he wanted to see the rest of the pictures. He moved to put the mobile down, but thought better of it. He added his number to Merlin's contact list, deleted it, added it again, and dropped the mobile on top of the _Phantom Tollbooth_ before he could change his mind.

After fleeing Merlin's flat, Arthur sat on his couch and opened up his laptop. He went to his regular porn site, logged in to his account, and scrolled through his saved favourite videos. He opened a few and let them load as he searched for more.

When his choice videos for the night were all ready, he shed his clothes and plugged in his headphones. He didn't care if his flat was supposed to be soundproof; he didn't want to take any chances of anyone overhearing him wanking to gay porn.

The first video featured two attractively muscular men fucking with reckless abandon on the floor next to a couch. Arthur watched them go at it, their rough grunts loud and hot in his ears. He stroked himself with a loose grip until he was hard, then paused the clip and moved onto the next.

This video was of only one man. He was sitting up at the head of his bed, wanking with one hand and fucking a dildo into his arse with the other. He was skinny but toned, and he had dark hair lightly covering his legs and arms and even a little bit of his chest. A thin line of hair ran down from his navel and into the patch of neatly trimmed hair at the base of his cock.

Arthur tightened his grip on his own cock, loving the long, smooth slide that his thumb ring made against his skin. He watched, enraptured, as the man on the screen bucked his hips and let out obscene moans that left Arthur panting and aching to come in record time.

The man's face was cut out of the frame and Arthur couldn't help but let his imagination slip. He pictured Merlin propped up in bed, desperate moans falling past those full, red, wet, bitten, swollen lips.

The man in the video fell silent for a moment and Arthur watched his hips rise off the bed. Arthur took his hand off his cock, not ready to come yet. He rubbed his fingers over his nipples instead, arching into the touch and almost moaning as he played with the barbell in his left nipple.

The man's arse clenched wildly around the dildo as he came on his chest, and Arthur squirmed at the harsh panting noises he made during his release. With his cock still twitching, the man slid the dildo out and reached for a remote. The video went black and Arthur quickly moved onto the next one.


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin really didn't want to get up, but he could smell himself and he knew he would never be able to fall back asleep that way. He smelled like smoke and alcohol and sweat; he smelled like the Unicorn.

It was a Saturday and he had nothing planned for the day. He wanted to sleep in and sleep off his hangover and his embarrassment and his guilt at being so rude to Arthur the previous night. Arthur had been nothing but kind to him and Merlin knew he had been unnecessarily snappy in return.

He had always been under the impression that Arthur Pendragon was a right prat. Arthur was famous, after all, and that gave him plenty of reasons to be full of himself. He was also, as far as Merlin could tell from all the hype and his friends who followed the sport, one of the best football players in England. He was young and stupidly handsome and apparently chock-full of athletic talent. He had several modelling contracts and he went through women the same way that Merlin went through cheap pens, if the tabloids were to be believed. Everyone loved Arthur. _Everyone_.

So Merlin had made the decision to be the exception to the rule. He ignored Arthur in the hallway and the lobby and the elevator. He stopped listening when Gwen and Elyan started chattering on and on about his goal scoring and his strong bone structure. He turned away from the billboards that showed Arthur in athletic gear. He flipped past the magazine ads that showed Arthur in designer underwear and designer suits. He refused to let Will tell him about the conversations Will had with Arthur on a weekly basis when they ran into each other in the building.

Merlin had really, truly believed that Arthur Pendragon was a right prat. He was a footballer, after all, and every footballer Merlin had ever met -- except Elyan -- had been trouble. His first real interaction with Arthur had nothing to disprove that theory, and Merlin had hoped that it would be their first and last interaction. Then Arthur had shown up in Merlin's flat the next morning, looking tired and hungover and embarrassed about his behavior. He had seemed so human, so awkward and unsure and out of place.

Merlin had tried his hardest to ignore that and continue on under the impression that Arthur was unworthy of his friendship. Of course, Gwen had had other ideas, and so Merlin had been forced to play Taboo on Arthur's team, and Arthur had been good at the game. He hadn't been as quick as Gwen and Freya, but sometimes even Merlin wasn't as quick as them.

The real truth was that Arthur was kind and charming and about as down-to-earth as Merlin could ever hope a celebrity to be. He had helped Merlin into bed when Merlin was off his face. He had even read Merlin's silly bedtime book when Merlin had asked him to.

Arthur had been nice to Merlin -- far nicer than Merlin deserved, considering how rude he had been. Merlin knew he had probably crossed the line from rude drunk to actual arsehole last night. He had pressed and pressed about Arthur being homophobic, but Arthur hadn't left. He had been obviously frustrated with Merlin's accusations, but he'd still stayed and read Merlin's book.

Of course, Arthur had also insisted that Merlin keep his drunken gay hands to himself, but Merlin supposed that he had probably crossed yet another a line when he'd tried to cuddle with Arthur. Arthur's reaction could have been a lot worse, anyway. He could have stormed out, especially considering how many times Merlin had called him a homophobe by that point, but instead he'd simply told Merlin no.

Merlin had to admire that. Arthur may have been straight, and he may have been uncomfortable being touched like that by another man, but he wasn't rude about it. He had already proven himself to be a tolerable human being when he'd drank out of Merlin's gay pride mug without complaint. Could Merlin really fault him for having a moment of panic when Merlin snuggled up to him?

Arthur was really much more genuine than Merlin had expected. He was _nice_ and Merlin liked nice people. He had helped Merlin out the previous night, and Merlin knew that he deserved an apology. Merlin didn't want to go across the hall and embarrass himself even more by apologising for being a gropey drunk, but Arthur had managed to apologise for his own drunken antics, and Merlin knew he should return the courtesy.

When Merlin couldn't stand the smell of his own stale sweat anymore, he sat up and pushed the heavy covers away. He stretched and yawned and only barely managed to convince himself that it would be worth it to find the energy to get out of his bed.

With an overly dramatic sigh and grunt, Merlin finally managed to turn and drop his legs off the edge of his bed. One of his feet knocked into something hard and cold, and he looked down to see his trash bin wobbling dangerously. He reached down and steadied it before it fell over.

Embarrassment crept over him as he realised that Arthur must have left it by his bed in case he was sick. He hadn't been so drunk that he had been at risk of vomiting, but Arthur hadn't known that.

Merlin stood, pulled off last night's clothes, and headed for the shower. The water was too hot, but Merlin didn't bother adjusting it. He simply stepped in and let the water burn off the smell of the Unicorn. He scrubbed himself down with soap, washed his hair, and stood under the stream until the water was lukewarm.

When Merlin got out of the shower, he dried off and put on clean clothes, trying to think of excuses to delay leaving his flat. It was almost noon, but he wasn't hungry. He had some things he could work on for the archives or for his thesis, but it wasn't anything crucial. He didn't even have any cleaning or laundry to do.

Accepting that he was just going to have to go ahead and face Arthur, Merlin pulled on some socks and went into the hallway. He knocked on Arthur's door, took a step back, and waited.

He waited for over a minute and was just about to turn around and go back into his own flat when Arthur finally opened the door with a grin.

"Hey," he said cheerfully.

Merlin managed a smile, feeling he didn't really deserve Arthur's friendliness. "Hi."

"Come in." Arthur stepped back and opened the door wider. "I was just telling my friends about you."

"Your -- oh, no. I don't want to intrude." Merlin backed up and walked into his own door. "I just wanted to thank you for looking after me last night."

Arthur shrugged it off. "It's no problem. You did the same for me and I was a lot worse off than you were, so it was the least I could do. Come on, come in for a bit. I promise my friends don't bite."

Merlin stayed put, trying to come up with the best excuse to get himself out of meeting Arthur's friends. He really didn't like meeting new people -- at least not in groups, and he had no idea how many friends Arthur had over. He was always shy and awkward around people he didn't know and he was already embarrassing himself enough just talking to Arthur.

"Please?" Arthur asked uncertainly. "I was just telling them about how we played Taboo last week."

Before Merlin could respond, one of Arthur's friends appeared in the doorway. Merlin recognised him as one of Arthur's teammates and decided that there was no way he was going into Arthur's flat. New people were a challenge, but new people who were footballers were a whole other level. Arthur had turned out decent enough, but he was only one man and, like Elyan, was probably an exception to the rule of homophobic athletes.

"Sorry," he said, giving Merlin a polite smile. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"You didn't," Arthur said quickly. "I was just inviting Merlin in to meet you."

Arthur's friend's eyes lit up. "You're Merlin? Arthur was just telling us he'd finally made friends with his neighbours. I'm Lance."

Lance held out his hand and Merlin had to step forward to shake it.

"It's nice to meet you," Merlin forced out, his mind tripping over the word _friend_. Had Arthur really told Lance that he and Merlin were _friends_?

"Come in," Lance said graciously. "We're just about to set up a game."

"Game?" Merlin asked, taken aback.

Lance stepped back to make room for Merlin to come into Arthur's flat and Merlin couldn't think of an excuse that wouldn't come off as rude. He shuffled forward and was relieved to see that there was only one other person inside Arthur's flat.

The other man was sitting near Arthur's oversized telly, hooking up a gaming system. Merlin couldn't help but smile. Of course Arthur's friends were going to play video games; they didn't exactly seem the type to play Taboo.

"That's Percy," Lance said.

Percy glanced up and stood to shake Merlin's hand. Merlin tried not to gawk and stare, but Percy was downright huge. He considered himself lucky that Percival wasn't blond, because Merlin knew that he would be a bumbling, blushing mess if that was the case. He really did have a type.

"Want to play?" Percy asked, crouching back down. "I've almost got it working."

"It's our last free weekend before the season starts," Lance explained. "For some reason, we thought that spending more time with each other would be a good way to celebrate."

Merlin nodded, sensing his escape route. "I don't want to intrude on your, um, team bonding time."

He tried to edge backward toward the door, but almost tripped over something.

"Whoops!" Arthur reached out to steady Merlin before he fell over. "Careful."

Merlin shrugged out of Arthur's strong, warm grip and looked down to see what he had stumbled over. A short-haired ginger cat was circling his feet and affectionately rubbing its face on his jeans.

"You have a cat?" Merlin asked, unable to keep the shock out of his voice.

Arthur nodded and reached down to pull the cat away from Merlin's feet. "That's Matilda. She's not usually so friendly."

"She's a real heartbreaker," Lance said sadly. "Usually she just ignores me."

"She ignores most people," Arthur pointed out.

"Not Merlin, apparently." Lance bent down to pet Matilda, but she ran off into the kitchen at the first touch of his hand. "See?" He straightened back up. "She hates me."

Arthur laughed and moved over to his couch. He sat down and propped his feet up on the coffee table.

"Play with us," he said, smiling invitingly at Merlin.

Merlin said nothing. He wasn't very good at video games and didn't want to embarrass himself in front of so many people he didn't know. Will had always made fun of his lacklustre video game skills, and while Merlin hadn't let that get to him, he knew he wouldn't have much of a defence against criticism from this group. He didn't know them and he was pretty sure that they would be much more serious about game than he would be.

Percy held out a controller and Merlin hesitated. He hadn't known Lance and Percy for more than five minutes, and he wasn't sure how they would react if he stayed longer and they somehow realised he was gay. He wasn't used to trying to hide it, and he didn't want to hide it.

Arthur had been okay with it, but Arthur had also been his guest. Merlin had been with his own friends in his own flat, and Arthur had been outnumbered. Here, Merlin was the one who was outnumbered; here, Merlin was guest and these were Arthur's friends. No matter how nice Arthur was -- and really, inviting Merlin into his flat after Merlin had been so rude the night before was beyond nice -- Merlin wasn't sure that Arthur would be willing to stand up for Merlin in front of his teammates.

"We'll let you win," Lance teased.

"Speak for yourself," Percy said gruffly, forcing the controller into Merlin's hand.

"Come on." Lance sat on the floor, leaning back against the coffee table, and gestured for Merlin to sit next to him.

Merlin sat down, mumbling that he would stay for one game. He hoped he wouldn't regret his decision. The game hadn't even started yet and Merlin could feel the mood in the room change. This wasn't just a friendly game between friends -- this was a competition and these were competitive men. He already wanted to flee; he didn't like to compete over silly things like video games. He liked to compete over things that showed off more than the ability to quickly press some buttons.

Lance spent the first ten minutes of the game trying to help Merlin keep up with Arthur and Percy. Eventually Merlin figured out which were the most important buttons on his controller -- the ones that allowed him to fire his gun and then run in the opposite direction -- and Lance started playing the game in earnest. The room fell silent except for the occasional grunt or shout from Percy ("LEFT MERLIN! LEFT LEFT LEFT!"), who was the only one who seemed to care what Merlin was doing. For his part, Merlin tried to keep up with the game, but he didn't even know what the game was called. All he knew was that they were trying to kill some aliens. He mostly tried to follow Arthur's character around, because Arthur's character was the only one he could easily keep tabs on. Percy and Lance often ran off to different places or hid themselves in order to keep safe from the aliens.

When Merlin got bored with the game, he started sneaking glances at the other men in the room. Lance was the most energetic player; he was leaning into his controller, rocking his body to the left when he wanted his character to move to the left, biting down on his lip every time he fired his gun. Percy was perfectly still except for his fingers, which were flying over his controller. He was the most vocal player, but all off his physical energy seemed to be concentrated in his hands.

Arthur was silent and restless. Each time Merlin glanced over his shoulder, Arthur's eyes flicked away from him and back to the screen. He seemed nervous, like he was waiting for aliens to come into his very flat to attack them. He kept shifting around on the couch, dropping his legs to the floor, lifting them back onto the coffee table, crossing them on the couch. Merlin, curious to discover what Arthur was so nervous about, kept looking back over his shoulder and catching Arthur staring at him.

For a few minutes, Merlin turned it into a bit of a game. He glanced back at Arthur far more often than necessary, trying to see if Arthur would make a mistake in the game or blush or finally stop staring at Merlin.

Then Merlin realised that Arthur was nervous about _him_ , and he stopped checking over his shoulder. He tried to focus on the game on the huge screen in front of him, but he could _feel_ Arthur's eyes on the back of his head, and he could still hear Arthur constantly shifting around on the couch.

Merlin couldn't help but feel bitter. Arthur had rather insistently invited Merlin into his flat and now it looked like he was regretting it. If Arthur hadn't actually wanted Merlin to spend time with his friends, he shouldn't have invited Merlin inside. At least Merlin had been clear when he hadn't wanted Arthur in his flat; Arthur had stayed, no thanks to Gwen, but at least Merlin had been honest about his feelings.

He wondered exactly what Arthur was so nervous about. Was Arthur worried that Merlin -- _his new friend_ \-- was going to embarrass him in front of his teammates? Was Arthur worried that Merlin would out himself in some way?

The idea made Merlin seethe and he found himself fighting the urge to do something incredibly campy. His natural self-defence was to be as flamboyant as he could manage, because if he was loud and proud, then no one could use that to hurt him.

It had been easy to be defensive around Arthur the previous week. He had simply given Arthur the rainbow mug and let the situation play out on its own. However, now he was in Arthur's flat, with Arthur's friends, and on his own. The only thing he could do was _act gay_ , and that seemed to be Arthur's fear. Merlin didn't want to act "straight," whatever that meant; he wanted to act like himself. Hiding it was a lot more uncomfortable than flaunting it, even around homophobic footballers. Merlin had made up his mind years ago about how he wanted to live his life, and he wasn't about to go back on that decision now.

He considered doing it -- doing something so ridiculous that there wouldn't be any question about his sexuality. At least then, Arthur's friends would know who Merlin really was. Then they could stop pretending to be friendly.

In the end, Merlin decided to simply remove himself from the situation, instead. He didn't want to make a scene. He just wanted to go back to his own flat.

One of his feet was tingling, and he latched on to the excuse.

"Can we pause?" he asked.

The game went still and Merlin jumped up to shake his foot.

"All right there, mate?" Percy asked, barely containing laughter as he watched Merlin's jig.

"Foot's asleep," Merlin said, realising that he had missed the mark on not causing a scene.

He started to blush, but then Arthur jumped off the couch and started imitating him.

"You're just jealous you don't have moves like this, Perce."

Percy threw his head back and laughed. Arthur flopped back down on the couch with a satisfied grin and Merlin settled down as the blood started flowing to his foot again.

He stared at Arthur, dumbstruck by the fact that Arthur _had_ apparently been willing to stand up for Merlin in front of his friends. If Arthur hadn't been worried about Merlin doing something _gay_ , then what had he been worried about?

Merlin didn't understand. He didn't understand why Arthur was being so nice to him after he'd been so rude to Arthur the night before -- and the week before. He didn't understand why Arthur had acted so nervous about Merlin's presence. He didn't understand why Arthur had jumped to his defence when Percy had laughed at him.

"You're not bad," Arthur said appraisingly.

Merlin realised he had been staring at Arthur and felt the tips of his ears burning. "What?" he asked.

Arthur pointed at the telly. "In the game. You're a good shooter."

"Oh." Merlin shrugged. He honestly had not paid enough attention to the game to notice if he was a good player or not.

"Food break?" Lance suggested, getting to his feet.

"I've got some crisps," Arthur said, not moving from his spot on the couch. "They're in the kitchen."

"Excellent." Lance disappeared in that direction, humming to himself.

Merlin cleared his throat and started inching toward the door, determined to leave.

"I should go," he said, hoping Arthur wouldn't try to stop him this time. "I have some work to do."

"It's a Saturday," Percy said, raising his eyebrows.

Merlin shrugged and opened the door. "Yeah."

"All right." Arthur pushed himself off the couch and held the door open for Merlin. "Thanks for hanging out," he said, stepping out into the hallway with Merlin and half-closing the door behind him.

"Thanks for inviting me," Merlin said automatically.

"I hope you had fun," Arthur said, his voice low. "I know it's not the most intellectually stimulating game, but I think it's, um... relaxing."

Merlin tried not to grimace. "You think it's relaxing to shoot at aliens?"

Arthur laughed. "No. I think it's relaxing to stop thinking for a while and just, you know, stare at the telly and press some buttons."

Merlin considered this for a moment. He wondered what sort of things Arthur wanted to stop thinking about. Surely football wasn't that stressful.

There was a knock on the door behind Arthur and they turned to see Lance sticking his head out into the hallway.

"Leaving?" he asked Merlin.

Merlin nodded. "Yeah, I've got some work to do."

"Shame." Lance pushed the door open and held his hand out for Merlin to shake again. "It was good meeting you. Thanks for playing with us."

"Yeah, no problem. See you around." He smiled politely and gave a small wave before turning and disappearing back into his own flat. Relief flooded through him when he was safe in his own space, and he immediately started in on his thesis work, determined to put the entire morning out of his mind.

  
**~~~**   


"Arthur," George said in his calm, even voice as he stuck his head into the locker room. "Uther wants to see you before you go." 

Arthur nodded at the club manager and went back to tying his boots. He'd wanted to just go home and take a long hot bath after a day of practice, but now he had to deal with his father before he could relax. And relaxing after a meeting with Uther was difficult, to say the very least.

He spent as much time as he dared gathering himself and his belongings before starting the long trek up to his father's office.

Uther's secretary gave Arthur a tense smile as he approached. She picked up her phone to alert Uther of his arrival and nodded for Arthur to enter.

Arthur sighed and pushed open the heavy doors to Uther's office. It was a large, well-lit room, with Uther's broad desk in the dead center.

Uther didn't smile as Arthur took a seat. He eyed his son carefully, and Arthur sat still and calm, meeting his gaze.

"The season starts on Saturday," Uther said without preamble. "You're the best player on this team _and_ you're the captain. It is very important for us that you succeed."

Arthur nodded but said nothing. He could tell from the stern pride in Uther's expression that the "us" referred to them -- the Pendragons -- and not the team.

Uther carried on for a few minutes about their reputations, but Arthur tuned him out. Arthur's priorities at the club were his team -- his friends -- and his career. His father, on the other hand, had always been more preoccupied with the family name and personal prestige. Unfortunately for him, that had been the downfall of the team during the last season.

When Arthur had started having trouble with his diet, Uther's only response had been to engineer a massive publicity spree for the rest of the team. He had thrust himself, George, and half of the other club players into the spotlight, leaving Arthur to suffer alone in the background. He hadn't done it to protect his son during a difficult time; he had done it to protect Arthur's reputation, and by extension his own.

Uther had spent all of his energy making sure that no one paid Arthur any attention during those weeks. But the effort had left the rest of the team feeling distracted, upset, and worried about their captain.

"I know you can lead this team, Arthur," Uther said, his voice rough and serious.

Arthur's attention snapped back to his father at the mention of his name. He nodded quickly, eager to show that he had been listening. The last thing he needed was his father accusing him of being lazy or disinterested.

"George and I have a _lot_ of confidence in you."

"Thank you," Arthur said quietly.

"You just need to stay focused."

"Yes."

"This is about winning."

"Yes," Arthur agreed again.

"Mercia should have never won the league," Uther said bitterly.

Arthur nodded, biting back the truth that Mercia had been better and more consistent last season than Camelot.

"We'll do better this year," he promised, still struggling to appear calm and confident under his father's intense gaze. He didn't want to rattle off platitudes, but that was what Uther expected and wanted.

" _You'll_ do better this year," Uther corrected.

"Yes," Arthur said blankly.

Uther's lips pressed into a thin line and Arthur let himself look away for a moment before shooting his father a bright, sure smile.

"You may go," Uther said without returning the smile.

Arthur gave his father a quick nod before standing and heading for the door.

"I have complete faith in you," Uther said when Arthur had his hand on the door. "Don't let me down."

Arthur forced another smile, gave the secretary a short wave, and jogged all the way to his car.

  
**~~~**   


Merlin finished off his beer on his way up to the bar to ask Kilian for another. Normally he didn't drink more than one pint when he had to get up for work in the morning, but he had gotten a lot of work for this thesis done over the weekend and during his regularly allotted two hours that afternoon, so he was celebrating with Freya and Mithian. 

He had been strangely focused on his work after the weekend games -- Saturday at Arthur's and Sunday at his own home. He knew it was only because he had been so desperate to stop thinking about Arthur, but he didn't care. Productivity was productivity, and his focus had carried over into the workweek.

Kilian slid another full pint toward Merlin. "How's your night?"

Merlin smiled and sipped at the new glass before answering. "It's good. The girls won't shut up about the camping trip they took on the weekend, though."

Kilian snorted. "Camping?"

Merlin shrugged. "Yeah. Freya's from the country, so she likes to rough it every now and then."

Kilian shook his head. "I can't picture that -- either of them. They're too delicate. Besides, surely Freya wouldn't miss your weekly game?"

"Stranger things have happened."

Kilian lifted an eyebrow in disbelief. "Such as?"

"Well, Elyan missed the game last week because he was sick. And, erm, Arthur played with us instead -- Arthur Pendragon," Merlin added, as if it needed to be clarified.

Kilian smirked. "So I guess taking him home that night wasn't so bad, after all."

"No, it was still bad. He sort of made up for it, though."

"By playing games with your friends?"

"Well, that, and... I played video games with him and his friends on Saturday."

Kilian's eyes widened and Merlin could feel his ears starting to get hot. "Sounds like you've made a friend."

Merlin shook his head quickly, his mind flashing back to when Lance had called him Arthur's friend. "No, it was just -- it was a one-time thing. Um, both things. One-time things."

"If you say so," Kilian said, his tone infuriatingly condescending.

Merlin sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He knew he was blushing and he knew he shouldn't ask, but he couldn't help himself. He had to know. "Is it true what you said that night, about -- about Arthur mentioning me?"

Kilian gave Merlin a slow smile, wrinkles forming around his wide mouth and mischievous eyes. "Maybe."

"But why?" Merlin pressed on, ignoring Kilian's cheeky vagueness. "I'd never even talked to him before that night."

"Why don't you ask him yourself?"

"Because that would be awkward," Merlin said matter-of-factly. "What would I even say? 'Hi, Arthur. Kilian says you've been talking about me. What's that about?' He'd think I'm creepy."

"You are creepy," Kilian teased.

"You're creepier," Merlin shot back. "Honestly, though. What did he -- why did he mention me?"

"It was ages ago," Kilian said with a shrug. "The first time he came in here, I asked if he lived in the area. You were sitting in the back with Gwen, I believe. He pointed you out and said he'd just moved in across the hall."

Merlin blinked in surprise. "I never even thought he'd noticed me."

"He's not a bad man," Kilian said seriously. "You should give him a chance." Merlin shrugged and Kilian smiled warmly at him before glancing at the door. "Speak of the devil."

Merlin turned around too quickly to be subtle and saw Arthur walking towards the bar.

"How's it going?" Arthur asked, taking the stool next to Merlin.

"Good." Merlin stood quickly, gripping his beer. "I'm actually in the back with some friends, so..."

Arthur nodded stiffly and ordered a pint. He smiled as Kilian served him, but Merlin could tell it was forced. "Well, I don't want to intrude -- er, interrupt -- er... whatever."

Kilian cleared his throat and Merlin glared at him before smiling at Arthur. "You can join us, if you want? It's just Freya and her girlfriend."

Arthur straightened up slightly. "You don't mind?"

Merlin bit back questions about why Arthur wanted to sit with them -- didn't Arthur have his own friends, didn't Arthur have better things to do, why did Arthur seem to care so much about Merlin's approval -- and shook his head. "Of course not."

Arthur smiled again and this time it reached his eyes. He grabbed his glass as he stood and followed Merlin to the back of the pub.

Merlin saw the exact moment that Freya and Mithian noticed Arthur approaching; Freya's eyes widened and Mithian's mouth dropped open in shocked recognition.

"Arthur, this is Mithian," Merlin said as he took his seat. "And you remember Freya."

Arthur nodded at Freya and shook Mithian's hand before sitting next to Merlin. There was a long silence as everyone drank their beer and avoided eye contact, but eventually Arthur spoke.

"How was the rest of your weekend?" he asked, turning to Merlin.

Merlin ran his fingers through the cold condensation on the outside of his glass. "It was good... very productive."

Arthur raised his eyebrows in polite interest but Merlin didn't elaborate.

"Are you excited for the season?" Mithian blurted, her eyes wide.

Merlin directed his attention back to his beer, only half listening as Mithian and Arthur started in on a long conversation about football. Mithian asked a flurry of questions and Arthur gave cheerful, polite, somewhat rehearsed-sounding answers. It would have been a wholly unremarkable exchange if it weren't for the fact that Mithian was clearly interested in more than Arthur's career. She kept giggling and looking up at Arthur through her eyelashes, asking him questions that seemed a bit personal to Merlin, and completely ignoring her girlfriend.

Freya didn't seem to care, and Merlin knew her well enough to see that she wasn't just putting on a good show; she truly didn't mind that her girlfriend was flirting with Arthur.

Arthur, on the other hand, seemed decidedly uncomfortable. Merlin could tell he was making an effort to be polite without stepping over the line into flirtatiousness. He kept shooting Freya quick, guilty looks. But Freya was smiling easily, half listening to Arthur and Mithian's conversation and half trying to talk to Merlin about work.

"Geoffrey's ancient," she said, pouting. "He needs to retire and let you take over."

"It's not going to happen," Merlin said, trying not to roll his eyes. They'd had this conversation a dozen times before. "Besides, I don't even want it to happen. Not now, anyway. You know what the plan is."

Freya pulled a face. "What if I sneak in and steal the job before you do?"

Merlin shrugged, pretending that the idea didn't bother him. "I'd find some other archives to run."

Freya shook her head and finished off her drink. Merlin slid his attention back over to Mithian and Arthur.

"Do you like being captain?" Mithian asked, sounding eager.

Arthur gave a small, one-shouldered shrug. "Yeah. It's... it's a lot of responsibility, but I have a good time."

"You're brilliant at it," Mithian said appraisingly. "Not to mention you're probably the most well-spoken captain Camelot's had in about a decade."

"Now there's a compliment I've never gotten before," Arthur said, smiling. "Thanks."

"I'm serious. Most of the time I can't understand a word coming out of players' mouths. Sometimes I don't even know what the managers are saying -- though I've never had that problem with George Brass, obviously."

Arthur laughed. "Yeah, he's very... precise with his wording. And his tactics. And everything, really. There's not a hair out of place on that man's head, even in the middle of a championship match gone wrong. He's very composed."

"I've noticed," Mithian said with a teasing smile.

Arthur cleared his throat and excused himself to get another pint.

"Tired?" Mithian asked, turning to Freya. She shrugged and Mithian tucked her hair behind her ear before leaning in to kiss her cheek. "We can go."

"Probably should," Freya said, checking the time on her mobile. "See you tomorrow," she told Merlin as she stood.

"Bright and early." Merlin waved and watched as Freya and Mithian left the pub holding hands. He noticed Arthur waiting for them to exit before he came back to the table and slid into the seat opposite Merlin.

"I'm not going to lie -- that was a bit weird."

Merlin nodded. "Yeah. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time Freya's accidentally dated a straight girl, but... usually the straight girl is a little less obvious about it, at least in front of Freya."

"Freya didn't seem to mind... which was even weirder."

Merlin shrugged. "I don't pretend to understand the love lives of lesbians."

Arthur played idly with his thumb ring. "Do you really think she's straight?"

"I don't know. Probably not. She seems to like Freya a lot. They went camping and everything."

"Camping?"

Merlin nodded but didn't explain further. He picked up his glass and swirled it for a moment, watching the last few inches of his beer swish around.

"So, you're... you're captain?"

Arthur nodded. "Yeah. This'll be my second season as captain."

"What exactly do you do?"

Arthur took a large gulp of beer before answering. "Basically, I... I lead the team. I motivate them before games, make sure they don't misbehave too badly, help the foreign lads settle in... if any of the boys have a problem, they come to me. Um... I talk to the press a lot. Things like that."

Merlin watched Arthur as he spoke, saw how he was struggling and wavering between humbleness and pride. Merlin could tell that being captain was a big honour for any football player. He tried to imagine Arthur giving his teammates a powerful speech in the locker room, but the idea was laughably cliché. It was much easier to picture Arthur running around on the football pitch, looking after his teammates and friends.

"Do you enjoy it?"

Arthur nodded slowly. "It's a lot of responsibility, but... there's no one else I would want to be the captain, you know? There are some great players -- some great guys -- on the team, but... I'd rather do it myself. I don't know. I trust them, but..."

"But you want to make sure everything's done the right way."

Arthur shook his head. "No, it's not that. There's no right way to be captain. Everyone has their own, you know, leadership styles or strategies or whatever. I just wouldn't want anyone else to be under the pressure. I mean, George -- he's the manager -- he can be pretty intense. And my father, well... he has very high expectations for his team."

" _His_ team?" Merlin asked quickly. "But it's... _your_ team, right?"

Arthur gave a rueful laugh. "He owns the club."

"Oh, right. I think... I think I maybe heard Morgana say that before," Merlin muttered. He had always tuned Morgana out when she started talking about Arthur or even just football in general.

"How do you know her, exactly?"

"Gwen writes for her newspaper."

Arthur nodded, frowning slightly. "And you're all friends with her?"

Merlin shrugged, sensing that Arthur was uncomfortable with that idea. "Well, she and Gwen get on really well, so she comes out with us sometimes -- mostly when we go to the Unicorn."

"The gay club?" Arthur asked, looking alarmed.

Merlin blinked, wondering why Arthur knew about the local gay club. "We all go there a lot," he said shortly.

Arthur nodded and drank most of his beer. Merlin did the same, finishing off his own glass and wondering if he should call it a night.

"So, you don't really follow football, do you?" Arthur asked suddenly.

"Not really," Merlin admitted. "I was never really into... any sport, actually. I'm not very athletic, myself."

"You look fit to me."

Merlin stared speechlessly at Arthur's for a moment. Arthur blinked, then blushed and gave Merlin an awkward smile.

"I run," Merlin said quickly, not wanting to hear Arthur stumble through an 'I'm not gay' speech. "And I do yoga."

Arthur nodded and turned back to his beer. "So, um... how was the rest of your weekend? You said you got a lot of work done?"

"Yeah," Merlin said, trying to decipher if Arthur was actually interested or if he was just asking to change the topic.

"Do you always work so much on weekends?"

Merlin shrugged. "I mean, I try to." Arthur was looking at him with bright, attentive eyes, so Merlin decided to explain this time. "I'm working on my doctorate and I can only manage a few hours of work during the week, so I do most of it on the weekends."

Arthur's eyes widened. "Doctorate?"

Merlin nodded and sat up a little straighter. "Yeah. Information Studies."

"I have no idea what that means," Arthur said, and Merlin was surprised to see another faint blush across his cheeks.

"It's just about people and information," Merlin said vaguely, sure that Arthur wouldn't care to know the details. "Like, how people get information."

Arthur licked his lips, his brow furrowed in thought. "And you said you're an archivist?"

"Um, yeah," Merlin said, surprised again that Arthur had remembered.

"So what exactly do you do all day?" Arthur asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"I organize letters," Merlin said slowly. "And I talk to a lot of people on the phone. It's not as interesting as being a world-famous football star, but I enjoy it."

"Being a world-famous football star is not that interesting," Arthur said seriously. "What sort of letters?"

Merlin bit his lip for a moment and decided to tell Arthur about the most exciting things he archived, if only to make his life sound a bit more interesting than it really was.

"Sordid affairs."

Arthur laughed. "Do you really file dirty letters for a living?"

"Yeah," Merlin said, grinning. "French dirty letters, even."

Arthur shook his head. "Ridiculous. That's an absurd job."

"Well, I'm an absurd person," Merlin said, fighting the urge to give Arthur a cheesy wink.

"Are you?"

"No," Merlin admitted. "My life isn't that exciting. Just the letters I file."

"Could be worse."

Merlin nodded in agreement and traced the brim of his glass with a fingertip. Arthur was strangely easy to talk to, now that they weren't trying to apologize to each other for drunken misbehaviour and weren't accompanied by each other's friends. Merlin still wasn't sure why Arthur wanted to pay him any attention, unless --

Merlin snuck a quick glance at Arthur, then looked back at his empty pint. Maybe Arthur was lonely. It hadn't occurred to Merlin before, but he suddenly realised that it was probably difficult for Arthur to make new friends, or possibly even keep old ones. He wondered if Arthur ever spent time with anyone outside of his team or his family. Maybe that was why he had had teammates over to "celebrate" the fact that they would be spending the next few months together -- he didn't have any other friends to celebrate with.

Arthur excused himself for another refill, and Merlin watched him walk up to the bar. He thought about what everyone had been telling him about Arthur. He had to admit that he had run out of excuses to hate, or even pretend to hate, the man.

"Are you looking forward to the season?" he asked when Arthur had returned, wincing when he remembered that Mithian had asked him the same thing earlier.

Arthur nodded, unfazed by the question. "Yeah. It's sort of nerve-wracking right before it starts, but I'll feel better this time next week. At least, I hope I will. I didn't exactly end last season on the best note." He paused and sipped at the head of his beer. "You probably don't want to hear about it, though."

"Why not? I just told you all about _my_ job."

"Yeah, but..." Arthur shrugged and looked distractedly toward the bar.

"But?" Merlin prompted. "Just because I don't follow football doesn't mean I can't pretend to know what you're talking about."

Arthur shrugged and gave Merlin a tiny smile. "Well, Gwen said you'd had trouble with footballers in the past, and you've already listened to me prattle on about being captain, and it's not like you... you seemed a bit uncomfortable on Saturday, anyway -- so I thought you might not care to hear..."

Merlin raised an eyebrow and Arthur flushed.

"So, you um... you did? Have trouble with footballers in the past, I mean?" Arthur asked, clearly trying to rein in the rambling.

Merlin studied Arthur's earnest face for a few seconds, his lips curling into a slow smile. "You know, that's more like... fifth date information. At most, this is our fourth, so how about you tell me about your upcoming season instead."

Arthur flushed again but returned Merlin's smile. "In that case, let me buy you another beer."

  
**~~~**   


Arthur was doing sprints and focusing on his body. He thought only of his feet on the ground and his arms pumping at his sides and his sweaty hair flying behind him. He thought of the wind on his face and the light quickness of his legs and the goal in front of him. He ran into the goal, took a few seconds to breathe, and turned and sprinted back to where the football was lying innocently on the pitch. 

He repeated this over and over until his lungs were seized tight and he thought he might be sick if he ran even one more metre. He collapsed on the pitch and placed the football on his stomach, trying to breathe and slow his heart rate and _not think_.

His whole body was protesting the extra running he had just done, but he didn't care. He had spent the whole day trapped in his own head, unable to eat or breathe or _exist_ without thinking about Merlin.

Admittedly, Arthur had let the situation get slightly out of his control when he had let Merlin invade his wanking fantasies over the weekend. And then he had made the mistake of inviting Merlin over to play Halo with his teammates. The decision had been made in a moment of panic -- he hadn't expected Merlin to come knocking on his door right as he had been telling them about their game of Taboo. He also hadn't really expected Merlin to accept the offer, even though he had pressed until there was no way that Merlin could refuse.

He had thought it would be fun; he had just wanted to give Merlin a taste of his life, the way Merlin had done for him the week before. But Merlin had been so unsure and so nervous, and Arthur had remembered, again, what Gwen and Freya had told him -- Merlin didn't like new people and he didn't like footballers.

Arthur had been so preoccupied with that -- with worrying that Lance or Percival would accidentally say something insensitive -- that he hadn't been able to focus on the game. He hadn't been able to focus on anything. His thoughts had been a scattered mess of _Merlin_ and _gay_ and _homophobic_ and _why does he keep looking at me_ and _I have to show him that we're not bad people_ and _bloody hell how can the back of someone's neck be so fucking sexy_.

Then Merlin's foot had fallen asleep and Arthur had lost his mind a bit. He hadn't meant to jump up and imitate Merlin's silly jig, but Percy had laughed and Arthur knew he had to something to keep Merlin from thinking that they were all a lost cause of homophobic jocks.

So he'd done it and pretended that he'd meant to and that it was no big deal.

After Merlin left, Arthur had hoped that he would able to relax with his friends, but he'd had no such luck. His mind had still been spinning with questions he didn't want answers to -- _why do I care, how did I let it get this bad so quickly, has he noticed my number in his mobile yet, why do I care_?

He'd tried to focus on the game of Halo and _not_ on Merlin, but Lance had said something about how Merlin seemed like a nice bloke but was clearly a bit starstruck. Arthur knew that Merlin wasn't starstruck; he knew that Merlin was worried about Lance and Percy _finding out_ and reacting badly. And because Arthur knew this, and because he didn't want his friends getting the wrong impression, he had tried to defend Merlin.

Unfortunately, Lance and Percy had been so confused by his bumbling explanations that he'd ended up having to blurt out, "Well, he's gay and I think he felt weird about, um, you know... us."

By that point, he had been so flushed and flustered that he considered kicking Lance and Percy out and spending the rest of the day hiding under the covers on his bed, hoping he hadn't outed himself too badly. But his teammates had shrugged off the news, Percy with a joke about first-person shooting that hadn't quite made sense, and suggested starting the game again. That had been that, and Arthur spent the rest of the afternoon forcing himself to pay attention to the video game and trying to pretend that nothing had even happened.

Then there had been the previous night at the Dragon. Arthur had really wanted to flirt with Mithian; flirting with women was safe and easy and the one thing that kept him firmly in the closet. But her girlfriend had been right there and it had been too awkward, even if Freya hadn't seemed to mind.

And Merlin had been polite and more talkative than Arthur had really seen him, excluding the night he'd been completely pissed. He had been interesting and interested -- and he had brushed off Arthur's awkwardness like it was something he was already entirely used to. Even when Arthur had slipped and said that Merlin looked fit -- and why, _fuck_ , oh why had he said that -- Merlin had just smiled and moved past it like nothing had happened.

Merlin was so easy to talk to. He was thoughtful but not judgemental, funny but not crude, open yet still a mystery. Arthur wanted to know what he did at work, how he had gotten into archiving, why he was getting so many degrees, when he had learned French -- Arthur wanted to know everything.

Arthur's stomach gurgled and he sat up quickly, swearing out loud. The whole point of the sprinting exercise was that he wouldn't think about Merlin, but as soon as he'd stopped to catch his breath, he'd thought about Merlin.

He hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch and dinner didn't sound that appealing, but Arthur knew he had to eat. He _had_ to eat, or history would repeat itself and he'd end up collapsing in the middle of training again.

He thought briefly of stopping home to grab his camera and spending the evening in the park, snapping picture of casual footie games and joggers and people walking their dogs. Then his stomach gurgled again and he decided to skip the park and go out for dinner. It was always easier to make himself eat if he was in public and paying for it. He would eat and go to sleep and put the whole _Merlin_ thing out of his mind. He was determined that this would be the last day he was distracted by it. It was time to put an end to it, before he had any more wank fantasies about tall, skinny, brown-haired blokes, or before he got any more attached.

  
**~~~**   


Freya picked through the old photographs that Merlin had stacked on the edge of the table taking up most of one side of the presentation room. 

"Did you pick these out or did Geoffrey tell you which ones you had to show?" she asked, not glancing up.

"What do you think?" Merlin muttered, staring hard at the letters he had spread out on the other side of the table. He was going on a small tour the next week -- visiting several local primary schools to teach the children about French history through various artifacts kept in the archives -- and he and Freya were putting the finishing touches on the materials he would be taking with him.

"I'd say it looks like he finally let you pick out what you want to show."

Merlin smiled to himself but said nothing. Geoffrey was extremely protective of the archive's collections, and he was a micromanager. The combination usually meant that he put together all of Merlin's presentations, but Geoffrey had been busy negotiating the alarming amount of donations from the old French woman who had finally shown up and agreed to speak in French, so for the first time Merlin had been given the full responsibility of preparing for an educational tour.

"I'm hungry," Freya said after she had gone through the entire stack.

"Didn't you eat lunch?"

"I had macaroni and cheese but it was disgusting so I had to throw most of it out. Why is vegan cheese so horrible? There has to be a good brand somewhere."

Merlin nodded and began sliding the old letters into plastic covers. He tuned out Freya's rant about gross vegan cheese and instead went over what he was going to say about each letter. There were letters from French monarchs, from royal mistresses, from bakers and jewellers and shoemakers. Between his fingers were decades and centuries of history -- _real_ history. In his hands he held stories of people who had actually lived through the events that textbooks always managed to make so boring.

And almost better than that were the personal histories of the documents themselves. Merlin knew the details of almost all of them -- who had received them, who had passed them on to whom, who had kept them safe and treasured or neglected for years, who had finally found them again, who had reached out to Geoffrey to donate or sell them to the archives. Merlin loved that the story each letter held was three-fold: the time period the letter was written in, the people who wrote and received the letter originally, and the journey from back then to right now, with Merlin sliding them into plastic covers so that they wouldn't be ruined during the tour.

Freya's rant winded down with one last, "And who wants beef-flavoured vegan cheese, anyway?"

Merlin shrugged and slipped the last letter into its protective cover.

"How was the rest of your night?" he asked, reaching over the table and grabbing the photographs away from her.

"Fine. We just went back to mine and drank tea. You know, the usual."

Merlin nodded as he spread the photographs out so he could decide what order they should be in.

"She seemed to really like Arthur."

"He's pretty to look at," Freya said with a shrug.

"It seemed like a bit more than that," Merlin said gently, pushing the photographs into a new arrangement.

Freya sighed and dragged her stool next to Merlin's. She sat down heavily and rested her head on his shoulder as he contemplated the photographs.

"We're not that serious," she said after a long moment.

"Would you like to be?"

"No," Freya admitted. "She can flirt with whomever she wants. Hell, she can go out with him, sleep with him, marry him for all I care. We're just having a bit of fun."

"I thought you liked her? You went camping and everything."

Freya lifted her head off Merlin's shoulder and switched the last two photographs around. "Yeah, we went camping. She's a lot of fun and we get on really well, but neither of us are being, you know, exclusive. I want someone with a bit more edge."

"Edge?"

"Yeah. You know, someone a bit darker. Someone who isn't all face value. Mithian's lovely, but she's not long-term."

Merlin nodded and glanced over the photographs one more time. Satisfied, he started putting them into more protective covers and stacking them again, careful to keep them in the right order.

"Anyway, how was the rest of _your_ night? How long did you and Arthur stay at the Dragon?"

"A while, I guess," Merlin said quietly, trying not to bend the corners of a particularly old photograph as he slid it into its cover.

"It seems like you two are actually becoming mates."

Merlin shrugged. "I guess, yeah. I don't know. It's... it's weird."

"Why is it weird? Making friends is one of the most normal things a person can do. I mean, I know it's weird for _you_ , but you could at least pretend to be normal for once."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "It's not weird because of me -- it's weird because of him. I can't figure out why he keeps being so friendly. I mean, I think he must be, you know... a little bit lonely. But surely he has other acquaintances he could befriend. Why me?"

"You never give yourself enough credit, Merlin."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're always selling yourself short. You're a great guy and Arthur would be lucky to count you as a friend."

Merlin shrugged, finished covering and stacking the photographs, and stood to stretch his legs.

"You and Mithian still coming to yoga tonight?" he asked, carefully placing the piles of letters and photographs into a large briefcase.

"We'll be there." Freya stood and moved her stool back around to the other side of the table. "I'm going to go finish up. I'll see you at the studio."

Merlin waved as she left, then took the briefcase back to his office for safekeeping until he needed it the next week.

  
**~~~**   


Matilda was sitting happily next to Arthur on the couch, content to be warmly pressed against his leg as long as he didn't try to pet her. 

Arthur had his hands on his controller and his eyes on the telly. He was playing Mario, which was the game he played when he was too tired to think. He had been playing Mario games for what felt like his entire life and they were the closest thing he had to a comfort blanket.

He had the next day off -- his last free day before the season started with a game on Saturday -- but there had been a training that morning. It had been light and easy, but Arthur was overwhelmed with nerves. He hadn't been so wiped since the end of the previous season, and he wasn't even going to be able to sleep in the next morning. He had to get up early to go to a photo-shoot for his latest modelling contract.

Arthur liked modelling. It didn't take much effort on his part and it gave him some extra money -- though he never kept it for himself. But he preferred sleeping in, especially on his days off.

When he won the game for what felt like the millionth time, Arthur shut off the telly and grabbed his mobile. He logged onto Twitter for the first time in a few days, checking to see if anyone had said anything interesting to or about him. It seemed to be the usual, though in a higher volume because of the quickly upcoming season. Lots of people were wishing him luck; most people seemed to be demanding that he lead his team to victory in the league this year. A few Mercia supporters had tweeted the usual nonsense at him, but he brushed it off. He was far too used to that.

The mobile rang and Arthur stared hard at the unfamiliar number, wondering if it was Merlin.

"Hello?" he answered quickly, before he could convince himself that he shouldn't.

"Hi, Arthur, this is Mithian. We met the other night at the Dragon -- I'm a friend of Merlin and Freya's."

Arthur let out a sigh and slumped slightly on the couch. "Oh, right. How are you?"

"I'm great. I got your number out of Merlin's phone last night. I hope that's all right."

In truth, Arthur wasn't sure if that was all right. He didn't know how long ago Merlin had noticed his number, and he wasn't sure how he felt about the fact that Merlin hadn't said anything about it yet. Maybe Merlin had only noticed the night before. Maybe Mithian had borrowed Merlin's mobile, noticed Arthur's number, and taken it without saying anything about it to Merlin. Maybe Merlin still didn't know about it.

"Arthur? Was that not all right?"

Arthur cleared his throat and sandwiched his mobile between his ear and his shoulder. "Sorry. No, that's fine. Of course that's fine." He twisted his thumb ring around a few times before slipping it off and sliding it onto his other thumb.

"Good. I was wondering -- well, hoping -- hoping that you'd like to get dinner with me tomorrow night. Are you free?"

"I -- yeah. Yeah, I'm free," Arthur said slowly. He wondered if she and Freya had already broken up. He hoped they hadn't broken up over him. The last thing he wanted was to cause drama amongst Merlin's friends. He was only just getting to know them and he didn't want to make a bad impression.

"Great. Do you want to just meet at the Dragon? I don't know many other places near you."

"The Dragon's fine." He moved the thumb ring back to the other thumb and sat up a little straighter on the couch.

"Okay. I can be there at seven. Is that good for you?"

"Make it seven thirty," Arthur said for no particular reason. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Mithian agreed. "Bye."

Arthur hung up and stared down at his phone, not entirely sure he had just made a good decision. He dated women all the time, but somehow going out with one of Merlin's friends felt like much more of a lie than usual.

But he had to do something to keep himself in line and -- as much he hated to think it -- Mithian was just as good a girl as any to date. She was better, even; she knew Merlin and would force Arthur to act appropriately around him.

Somehow, that thought wasn't as comforting as it should have been.

Arthur retreated to his bedroom with his laptop and spent the rest of the night trying to watch a bad action film.

**~**

Friday went by in a bit of a blur, mostly because Arthur hadn't slept very well or very much. It had taken him a long time to fall asleep, and then Matilda had peed on his duvet because he'd forgotten to put water in her bowl before he'd gone to bed. By the time he'd shoved all the beddings into the washing machine and put new sheets on, he was too awake to fall back asleep. 

The photo-shoot in the morning was about the same as any other he'd done. He'd arrived at the studio, sat in a chair while some stranger put make-up on his face and product in his hair, and stood in around in several different outfits while someone else took pictures of him. Every once in a while, the photographer or some assistant would give him a note -- "Change your left arm," or "Brood more for this one," or "Think of something happy, Arthur" -- and he would do his best to follow their directions. It wasn't one of the most exciting photo-shoots he'd ever done, and he'd spent most of it wishing that he was the one behind the camera.

When he was done with it, he went home for a shower and a nap before making himself lunch.

The rest of the afternoon loomed before him and Arthur almost phoned Lance for a bit of company when he was struck with an idea. He went into his flat's third bedroom, which he used mostly as a gym, and headed straight for the cupboard. That was where he kept his camera and photography equipment; that was where it would be safely hidden from curious eyes, because no one would ever go looking around for something interesting in the gym cupboard.

Arthur grabbed his camera, checked the batteries, and went into his bedroom to find appropriate clothes. He put on his rattiest jeans, his ugliest and most stretched-out shirt, and his oldest hat. He slipped on his sunglasses and checked himself in the mirror. He was unrecognisable as Arthur Pendragon: The Football Star. Instead, he was Arthur Pendragon: Tired, Wannabe Photographer.

He put the camera into a satchel, flung it over his shoulder, and headed out the door and to the nearest park.

No one looked at him on the pavement. No one looked at him when he sat down on a bench at the park. No one looked at him when he pulled out his camera and started snapping photos of the casual game of football that was starting to heat up. No one gave him a second thought.

He wanted to get up and closer to the game. He wanted to chase after the action, to capture the expressions on the players' faces, to get the perfect shot that depicted the fun and the intensity of the match.

But if he got up from his bench, people would notice him. The players would want to know who he was and why he was taking their picture. Someone would see the hair peeking out under his hat, or his mouth, or his jaw -- someone would recognise him. So he settled for taking far-away, mediocre shots of blurry runners and flying hair. It wasn't satisfying, and it was too annoying to be relaxing, but at least it was something to do.

When the game broke up, Arthur took a few pictures of pigeons, before tucking his camera back into its satchel and walking the long way home.

Arthur spent the rest of his evening preparing himself for the date. He picked out clothes, ruffled his hair, and reminded himself that this was what he had to do; this was what he was sacrificing in order to have the career he wanted. He loved football more than anything, even despite the involvement of his father and the once-in-a-blue-moon stalkers and the disastrous previous season. And if pretending to like women was what he had to do to be accepted and successful, then that was what he was going to do. That had been the decision he'd made on his holiday at the end of last season.

There wasn't a single openly gay footballer in any of the top teams across Europe, and Arthur didn't really expect that to change anytime soon.

By the time he reached the Dragon, Arthur was ready to flirt. Mithian walked in less than a minute after him and they got a table in the back, away from the long gaze of Kilian.

"I have to ask," Arthur said before the waitress even saw them, "did you break up with Freya?"

Mithian gave him a shy smile. "No. We're not exclusive, though."

Arthur nodded and tried to come up with some sort of tasteful threesome joke, but was saved the trouble.

"Too bad Freya doesn't sleep with men, otherwise I'd suggest that the three of us could have some fun."

Arthur pretended to be intrigued by the thought. The waitress came over with the menus before he could come up with a response.

The rest of dinner went smoothly, with Arthur putting on his best show of liking Mithian and wanting to make a good impression on her. She turned out to be better company than he had been expecting, now that she wasn't trying so hard to flirt with him and get his attention. She was smart and funny and interesting. She was a fan of football, but not so much that she couldn't talk about other things. It turned out that they had a lot in common, and Arthur found himself having a good time -- except for the nagging, depressing thought in the back of his head that the whole thing meant nothing, that it was all a lie, and that it was pointless to pretend otherwise.

Arthur liked Mithian, but that would never be enough. He wished it was. He wished her beauty and charm meant more to him, but they didn't.

After they ate, they moved to the bar for another round of drinks. Kilian was no longer on duty and Arthur couldn't help but be relieved. He was sure that Kilian knew about Freya and Mithian, and he didn't want to have to explain their date to anyone.

He was just beginning to truly relax, thanks to all the beer, when Mithian's face lit up and she grinned at something over Arthur's shoulder. Arthur turned and froze when he saw Merlin and Gwen walking into the Dragon and heading toward them.

"Hi," Gwen said, sounding pleased and surprised. She hugged Mithian hello and sat down on the next stool.

Merlin hovered uncertainly next to Arthur. "Are we interrupting?" he asked quietly.

Before Arthur could respond, Gwen jumped up from her stool.

"Oh! Are you on your date?"

Arthur tried not to laugh at her lack of subtlety.

"It's fine," Mithian insisted. "Sit, drink."

Gwen sat back down slowly. "Are you sure? I don't want to interrupt."

Mithian shrugged. "We're just talking. Please, stay."

Arthur glanced up at Merlin, who shot Arthur an apologetic look before sitting next to him.

"Sorry," he said in a low voice.

"It's fine," Arthur said, not entirely sure how to brush off the fact that Merlin was suddenly a part of the date Arthur had been using as a way to forget about Merlin.

Merlin ordered a pint and sipped at it slowly. Arthur watched out of the corner of his eye, pretending to be interested in what Gwen and Mithian were saying about one of the articles Gwen had written that week.

Finally, Merlin cleared his throat and Arthur glanced over at him.

"How's the rest of your week been?" Merlin asked.

Arthur shrugged. "It's been all right. I had today off, but... there were still some things I had to get done."

"Like what? It's weird to imagine celebrities running errands."

"Well, it wasn't errands," Arthur muttered. "It was... well, I had a photoshoot."

Merlin smiled and Arthur could tell he was trying not to laugh. "Oh."

"Yeah. It's -- I don't know."

"Do you like modelling?"

Arthur shrugged again. "Sometimes."

Merlin nodded and started sipping at his beer again. Arthur glanced over at his date, but she was still deep in conversation with Gwen.

"So how was the rest of your week?" he asked.

"It was good. Next week I'm going on a tour of some schools, so I spent a lot of time preparing for it this week."

"Tour?"

Merlin nodded, smiling slightly. "Yeah. I get to take some of our letters and photographs and things out to the schools and teach the kids about French history. It's really great, because they get to see and touch the history for themselves, instead of just reading about it in boring books, you know? They get to hear first-hand accounts of what life was like back then -- for the royals, for the commoners, for everyone."

Arthur blinked and tightened his grip on the pint in his hand. Merlin's eyes lit up as he talked, and he was gestured with his hands as if he could demonstrate what it might actually be like for small children to touch old French photographs and have it change their lives.

Merlin noticed Arthur staring at him and blushed furiously. He tried to hide it by turning away to drink his beer.

"That sounds fun," Arthur said stupidly.

Merlin shrugged. "It's... yeah. It is fun. At least, I hope it's fun. I really want it to be fun for them. I've been putting a lot of work into it."

"I'm sure it'll be, um... entertaining and -- engaging and... all of those things."

Merlin grinned. "Yeah. Yeah, it will be."

"Merlin," Gwen said suddenly, her voice sharp. "Let's go sit in the back. I don't want to disturb their date any longer than we already have done."

Merlin gave her a confused look, but then his eyes widened and he stood quickly. "Right. Sorry for distracting you."

"You weren't -- it's fine," Arthur said as Merlin and Gwen quickly retreated. He waved and watched them sit down at the same table he and Mithian had been at earlier.

Arthur turned back to his beer and drank a large portion before turning to look at Mithian. She gave him a slow, shy smile that made Arthur's insides squirm in knowledge of what was going to come next.

"You live across from Merlin, right?"

Arthur nodded and downed the rest of his pint.

"Mind if I come up for a minute? The toilets here are disgusting."

Arthur shook his head. "I don't mind."

"Great, thank you." Mithian finished off her drink and stood. "Ready?"

Arthur nodded and followed her out of the Dragon. She walked closely next to him on the way to his flat, their arms brushing against each other and their shoulders bumping.

Arthur tried not to think about it. On a normal date, he would bring the girl up to his flat and sleep with her and not think twice about it. But this hadn't been anything like a normal date, because Mithian was friends with Arthur's friends already, and because Mithian knew the man that Arthur was nursing a crush on, and because that man had shown up on the date -- and Arthur wasn't sure how much he wanted the night to end in sex.

When they reached his flat, Arthur gave Mithian a quick tour, then got a beer out of his fridge and drank most of it while she was in the bathroom. When she came out, she took the bottle out of his hand, took a small sip, and kissed him.

Arthur went through the very practiced motions. He kissed her and moved his hands over her body, careful to be gentle and exploratory until she grabbed his shirt and started dragging him toward his bedroom.

"I had a really good time tonight," Mithian said against his lips as she started undoing his belt.

"Me too." Arthur moved his hands to her jeans and undid the button and fly.

"I hope you didn't mind Gwen and Merlin being there."

"No." He took a step back and pulled off his shirt, trying to focus on the way Mithian's eyes traced his muscles.

"Good. I really like them a lot."

Arthur murmured his agreement and removed Mithian's shirt as well.

"It's too bad Merlin's gay or I would be all over him. No offense to you."

Arthur shook his head and muttered, "None taken," before stepping out of his jeans.

Mithian followed suit and soon they were both standing mostly naked in his bedroom. Arthur glanced down at himself, but he had lost his tentative erection when Mithian had started talking about Merlin.

She stepped forward and kissed him again, palming his cock through his briefs. Arthur forced his thoughts elsewhere, determined not to embarrass himself. He closed his eyes and watched his favourite porn videos in head. He imagined the deep grunts and groans of men fucking each other and let himself get carried away in enough of the fantasy that his erection returned.

When he was finally hard again, Mithian took off her bra and panties and lay down on his bed. Arthur shucked his pants and quickly put on a condom before there was time for his thoughts to wander again. He crawled on top of Mithian and tried to enjoy her soft curves and sweet-smelling hair and perky breasts and delicate hands.

In the end, he did what he always did -- he closed his eyes, focused on the tight, wet heat around his cock, and imagined that he was fucking someone else entirely.

The only problem was that Mithian kept running her hands across his face, forcing him to open his eyes and look down at her. She was still beautiful, but Arthur still wasn't attracted to her, and it took him a long time to come. Mithian didn't complain, though. She stayed excitable and responsive the whole time, arching against him and moaning in his ear and tracing his jaw and cheekbones with her fingertips, except for when her hands were between their bodies, bringing herself off. She came twice, the second time so intensely that Arthur couldn't help but come with her when she fucked herself on him so roughly and clenched around him so wildly.

Arthur lay on top of her for a moment, just until he could think enough to breathe again, and then he rolled off and disposed of the condom.

Mithian grinned up at him, still panting. "That was really good," she said, dragging her fingers over the muscles in his chest when he lay back down.

"Yeah," he agreed, staring up at the ceiling. "It was."

Arthur took a deep breath and tried to focus on slowing his heart rate, and not on the fact that just before he had come, he had imagined Merlin below him, arching up against him and biting his ear.

"Have you ever had a threesome?" Mithian asked, her breath washing over his neck.

"What?" Arthur asked, too startled to process the question properly.

"Well, I was thinking about what I'd said earlier, about it being too bad that Merlin's gay." She traced a fingertip over the barbell in his left nipple and Arthur twitched slightly at the sensation. "But everyone has their limits and exceptions... and maybe he would be into a threesome. We should ask him."

"Merlin doesn't sleep with girls," Arthur said, keeping his gaze on the ceiling and still trying to control his rapid pulse.

There was a pause and Mithian shifted up on an elbow to look at him.

"And I don't sleep with men," Arthur added quickly, realising his mistake too late.

Mithian licked her lips and Arthur forced himself to look at her and smile. She smiled back and sat up all the way.

"I'll let you get some sleep," she said as she slid off the bed.

"You can stay," Arthur offered numbly.

"It's fine. I'm supposed to meet my dad for brunch tomorrow near my place, anyway."

Arthur watched her getting dressed, repeating their post-sex conversation over and over again in his head.

"Goodnight. Thanks for dinner." Mithian leant down to kiss Arthur goodbye and was quickly out the door.

Arthur watched her go, trying to convince himself that he should get up and lock the door behind her, but he never did. Instead, he stayed on his bed, naked and staring up at the ceiling, swearing at himself for being a monumental idiot.

  
**~~~**   


Merlin stood in front of his bathroom mirror, trying to decide if he should put glitter in his hair or not. He already had glitter on his eyelids, lips, and fingernails, but somehow he felt that glitter in his hair would be overkill. There were certainly people at the Unicorn who wore much more glitter than he ever dared, but Merlin had his own standards. 

After another minute, Merlin decided to draw a line of glitter across each cheek and leave it at that.

When he was satisfied with his look for the night, he went out to his living room and sat down on the couch to wait for Gwen. He pulled out his mobile and went to his contact list, staring at Arthur Pendragon's name for what felt like the thousandth time that week.

He wondered, not for the first time, when Arthur had programmed it -- and why.

Perhaps Arthur had just meant it in a friendly way. Trading numbers was a sign of friendship. Now they could contact each other, arrange meetings, text each other when they were bored. Everyone had been telling Merlin that Arthur was a "nice guy" -- and he was. He was too nice, even.

Merlin wanted him to have some flaw, otherwise he was too perfect. He was gorgeous and famous, but not arrogant about it. He was interesting but not self-obsessed. He was interested in Merlin and Merlin's life, and wasn't homophobic. He was friendly and genuine and charming.

Slipping his mobile back into his pocket, Merlin decided that he would get laid that night, even if it wasn't necessarily what he _wanted_. He hated one-night stands; he always wanted something more -- something better, something lasting, something special.

It wasn't what he wanted, but he figured it was probably what he _needed_. Gwen had been right -- he just needed to get laid. He needed to stop pining after Arthur. Arthur had been a nice distraction from his broken heart and constant moping about Will, but enough was enough. Now he needed a new distraction, this time from the daunting perfection of Arthur Pendragon.

He would go out and get laid and that would be the end of it.

However, Arthur was still trying to be his friend, and Merlin wasn't going to shut him out. He would leave a note for Arthur, an invitation to play Monopoly in the morning. And tomorrow would be a fresh start for them.

  
**~~~**   


Arthur ran his fingers over the note he had found when he'd gotten home the night before. He had been drunk from post-game celebrations and the note had been just inside his door.

_Come play Monopoly tomorrow. Same time, same place. Merlin._

It had been late and Arthur had been drunk and still high on the adrenaline from winning the first match of the season. He had brought the note into his room and wanked over it like a teenager. 

Now that it was morning and he was sober, he felt ridiculous and embarrassed, but not enough to stay home when the offer of breakfast and games at Merlin's was so close.

Arthur waited until he was sure it was later than it had been on his first trip to Merlin's. He didn't want to risk being left alone with Merlin.

Taking a deep breath, Arthur dropped Merlin's note into the rubbish bin in his kitchen. He gave it one last glance and then left his flat and knocked on Merlin's door.

"Come in!"

Arthur smiled and opened the door he knew would be unlocked. The living room was empty, so he headed for the kitchen, expecting to find Merlin with Gwen or Freya.

He found Merlin leaning down in front of the open oven, checking on whatever food was inside. Standing by the fridge was a thin, brown-haired man -- except that he wasn't really a man. He barely looked legal. He was only a boy, a kid.

Merlin closed the oven and looked up to see which of his guests had arrived, and blushed furiously at the sight of Arthur.

The blush left little to the imagination, and Arthur had no defence against the images flashing in his mind -- images of Merlin and the kid naked together, writhing and sweating and panting.

Arthur blinked and suddenly the kid was in front of him, offering a hand and stammering awkwardly through an introduction.

"I'm Mordred," he said in a slightly awed voice. "I'm a huge fan."

Arthur shook Mordred's hand, nodding his thanks. "Arthur." He glanced at Merlin, who was still bright red and fidgeting uncomfortably in front of the oven. "I'm early again."

Merlin shook his head. "No -- no. Everyone else is just late."

As if on cue, there was another knock on the door. Merlin excused himself and practically ran out of the kitchen. Arthur looked at Mordred again, taking in his tight-fitting yet wrinkled clothes, his dark fluffy hair, his huge blue eyes, his chapped lips. He was Merlin in a time-warp, sent from the past to fuck his future self.

Arthur blinked again to rid himself of those thoughts and followed after Merlin to see who else had arrived.

It was Gwen and, to his further horror, Morgana.

Morgana seemed delighted and not at all surprised to see him there. She came over and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, whispering something about how pleased she was that was finally making proper friends. Before Arthur could defend himself by saying that he had plenty of other proper friends, she turned to Mordred and gave him a hug as well.

Arthur watched as Morgana and Gwen fawned over Mordred and realised that they _all_ knew Mordred. He wasn't just some kid Merlin had picked up from somewhere -- he was a friend, somehow. The thought wasn't exactly comforting.

He debated asking exactly who the hell Mordred was and why they all knew him, but then Freya snuck in the door and the greetings erupted all over again, and Arthur decided he would rather not know.

Freya gave Arthur a small smile and Arthur suddenly remembered that he had slept with Mithian -- Freya's _girlfriend_. He couldn't help but let out a breath of relief that Mithian wasn't there with her.

A voice in the back of Arthur's head said that it might have been better if Mithian _was_ there. After all, Arthur had slept with her to distract himself from Merlin. And, unless Merlin was excessively dim, Merlin _knew_ that Arthur and Mithian had slept together.

Arthur was free to sleep with whomever he wanted -- at least when it came to women -- and Merlin was free to do the same -- except with men. And if Merlin wanted to sleep with Mordred, then Arthur would just have to accept that. He had no claim on Merlin.

Trying to keep that in mind, Arthur did his best to put on a bright and happy smile.

When everyone was settled in chairs or on the couch -- or on the floor, in the case of Mordred -- Merlin brought out two coffee cakes. One was large and topped with sugar and cinnamon and chocolate chips. The other one, the vegan one, was much smaller.

Everyone made appreciative noises as slices were handed out. Arthur ate his in silence, watching Merlin trying to negotiate the Monopoly board onto the crowded coffee table. Finally, the coffee cakes were relocated to the floor next to Mordred, and everyone was assigned a piece. Arthur's player was the hat, and he held it gently in his hands, weighing the tiny piece of metal. He clinked it lightly against his thumb ring a few times, listening to the quiet, dull sound.

The door opened again and Arthur looked up to see a broad-shouldered man coming into Merlin's flat. Gwen jumped up to hug him.

"I'm not too late, am I?" he asked as Gwen peeled herself away.

"Just in time," she said, pulling him over to the table. "I think you know everyone except Arthur."

The man's gaze fell on Arthur and his eyes widened comically.

"Arthur, this is my brother Elyan. Elyan, this is Arthur. He lives across the hall."

Elyan shook Arthur's hand tightly and sat down on the floor next to Mordred, who gave him a slice of coffee cake. Merlin gave him a piece to play with and started the game.

Arthur hadn't played Monopoly since before he was 10 years old, and he couldn't remember any of the rules. There were far too many players to keep up with, but it became obvious early on that Merlin was the one to beat. He seemed to have more money and more properties than anyone else, but no one seemed to care. Merlin was playing his own game, and all the other players were going against each other, battling for second place.

Arthur didn't stand a chance, so he just ate more coffee cake and listened to Elyan's compliments on how he had played in the previous day's game. It was grounding to hear; Elyan was the only one who seemed to be aware that Arthur's season had just started, and it was nice to have a solid reminder of his normal life and career. Just as it had been during Taboo, Merlin's flat was a strange alternate reality where almost no one cared about football or Arthur's celebrity, and everyone cared about good food, friendship, and board games.

By the end of the game -- which Arthur was pretty sure had lasted at least two hours -- Arthur and Elyan were excitingly discussing Mercia's striking threat. Morgana was giving them pitying looks, but Arthur didn't care. He didn't care about the game or his sister's judgements or the weird -- he almost wanted to say _jealous_ , but that didn't make any sense -- looks that Mordred kept giving him. And he certainly didn't care about all the goofy banter that Merlin had so effortlessly with everyone else in the room.

All he cared about was the coffee cake, Elyan's enthusiasm for football, and the heated looks Merlin shot him every time he made a move on the board. Arthur wasn't sure if it was because Merlin was so wrapped up in the game, or because he was annoyed with the loud football conversation, but his gaze was long and intense each time he looked at Arthur. It was unnerving and thrilling at the same time, and Arthur didn't know what to make of it.

Finally and to no one's surprise, Merlin was declared the winner. Arthur excused himself quickly, knowing he was rude for not offering to help clean up the coffee cakes or the game, but not wanting to stay any longer. He was an outsider and he knew it -- they all knew it -- and he felt it was best that he just left. He didn't know Mordred and he loved football and couldn't carry on 5 minutes of meaningless banter with anyone outside of his team's locker room.

Merlin and his friends were great when they were by themselves or in smaller numbers, but when they were all grouped together like that, they were an intimidating and united force that Arthur had no chance of joining.

He went back to his flat feeling ridiculous and stupid. He hadn't ever figured out the game and the only enjoyable part of the morning had been Gwen's brother talking his ear off about football.

And then there had been Mordred. Between him and Merlin, Arthur was surprised that a hole hadn't been burned into his head from all the intense looks. He didn't even know what had caused the looks, and that was the most uncomfortable part.

Arthur decided that he would not go back for another round of Sunday games at Merlin's.

  
**~~~**   


Merlin was trying to enjoy his dinner and not get upset, but Elyan wasn't making it very easy. 

"I mean, Mordred's hot, but he's very young, Merlin."

"I know he's young, but it's not like I... deflowered him or anything."

Elyan snorted. "Well, that's for damn sure. I'm just saying that you can do better. There has to be someone more appropriate you can go out with."

Merlin sighed and sipped at his wine, wishing he had something stronger. He hated this restaurant, but it was closer to Elyan's flat than the Dragon and Elyan loved it, so he tolerated it for his friend's sake.

"I'm not looking to go out," he said quietly. "I just wanted to get off with him. And I did -- and _he_ did -- and now it's over."

"Listen, there's a new teacher at my school and he's not my type, but he's definitely your type. I can give him your number, if you want."

"I don't want," Merlin said sternly. "All I needed was one night. It's done with."

Elyan rolled his eyes. "Please, you're obviously gagging for cock."

Merlin choked on his wine. "What?"

"It doesn't have to be a one-time thing. I can introduce you to loads of blokes who would love to suck your cock every weekend -- no strings attached."

"Stop right there," Merlin said, setting his glass down. "I love sex and I would love to have more of it -- but that's not what I want. You've known me for years; you know what I'm like. I like relationships. I like knowing the person a bit before all the clothes come off. That's how I ended up shagging Mordred instead of some random bloke."

"You like being friends first," Elyan said, nodding.

"Exactly." Merlin picked up his wine again and hoped that the conversation was over.

"So, do you have your eye on anyone?" Elyan asked teasingly.

"No," Merlin said flatly.

Elyan raised an eyebrow in disbelief. Merlin rolled his eyes.

"I saw the way you were looking at Arthur on Sunday."

"I wasn't _looking_ at Arthur," Merlin lied miserably. But, of course he had been looking at Arthur on Sunday. Arthur was bloody gorgeous, especially in the morning when he had obviously spent too much time in the mirror trying to rumple his hair just so, and when he padded across the hallway to visit Merlin's only in his socks, and when he looked tired but happy. And on Sunday, Arthur hadn't looked just happy, but bone-deep happy from having scored the winning goal in the first game of the season -- not that Merlin paid attention to the sport in any way, but it had been hard to ignore the way Elyan had gone on about it.

"You were definitely looking at Arthur, mate."

Merlin sighed and reached for Elyan's still half-full wine glass. "Whatever you say."

  
**~~~**   


Arthur sped home from the club, trying not to think about what he was going to do. The envelope in his jeans pocket was like a volcanic rock -- it was hot and heavy against his thigh. 

"It doesn't mean anything," Arthur sang over the song playing on the radio, adding his own lyrics. "It's just tickets between friends. It's not like an -- invitation to fuck!" Arthur tapped his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the song. "I'm straight! I'm the straightest. I love women! I slept with Mithian. She had really nice breasts!"

Arthur belted out the last few lines of the song as he parked, then turned off his car and jogged all the way to his building. The lift ride felt like it lasted an hour, but he finally reached his floor.

He knocked quickly on Merlin's door and pulled the envelope out of his pocket.

There was no answering call and Merlin didn't come to the door. Arthur waited for a full minute, disappointment creeping over him in an uncomfortable, unsettling way. He wasn't supposed to be disappointed. This didn't mean a damn thing. He was just trying to be a friendly neighbour.

Just as Arthur was thinking about ripping up the envelope and going to the Dragon to drink away his awkward feelings, Merlin opened the door.

"Hey," Merlin said, smiling brightly.

"Hi," Arthur said blankly. "I -- I thought you weren't home."

Merlin stepped back and let Arthur inside his flat. "Sorry, I was just in my room. I wasn't sure if I'd heard the door or not. I thought I'd check and -- here you are!"

Arthur forced a smile. "Here I am. I, um... I wanted to give you these." He thrust the envelope into Merlin's hand.

Merlin gave Arthur a curious look before looking into the envelope. "Tickets?" he asked, pulling them out. "This is like--"

"Half a dozen," Arthur said before Merlin could count them. "They're for you and your friends, whoever you want to invite... Gwen, Elyan, um... Mordred. Whoever."

Merlin licked his lips and handed the envelope back over. "I'm sorry, but..."

"It's not -- they're not -- the matches are really fun, you should at least give it a try."

"No, no," Merlin said quickly. "I'd love to go, I just can't. Not this weekend, anyway."

Arthur tried not to pout. "Oh. Right. Are you -- busy with Mordred?"

Merlin looked down and Arthur looked helplessly up at the ceiling, swearing in his head. He knew he was being ridiculous -- and he knew he was blushing -- but he couldn't seem to stop himself.

"I'm not with Mordred," Merlin said quietly, looking back up. "That was -- just a thing. It -- it just sort of happened. Once. Um. Anyway, I'm going to Wales this weekend. I can still give the other tickets to my friends, but, um... I won't be able to go. You can save them for another weekend, if you want."

Arthur nodded and fingered the envelope nervously. "Okay. I'll -- I'll try again another weekend."

"Please do," Merlin said eagerly. "I'd love to see you play."

Arthur tried to control his grin. "All right. Um..."

"Do you want to come watch me pack?" Merlin asked, gesturing toward his room.

"Oh," Arthur said, surprised. "Okay." He slipped the envelope back into his pocket and followed Merlin.

"I'm a chronic over-packer," Merlin said, picking up a pair of jeans from his bed and adding them to his already full suitcase.

"I... can see that." Arthur tried not to laugh, but Merlin had what looked to be his entire wardrobe spread out on his bed. "How long are you going to be gone?"

"Only a few days." Merlin leant over his suitcase and pressed down on the clothes, trying to compress them. "I just have a decision-making problem. I can't decide today what I'll want to wear tomorrow or Saturday or next July. So I just... bring everything. Then I'll have lots of options when the time comes."

"Maybe you have too many clothes," Arthur teased.

Merlin shrugged and added another shirt to his suitcase. "Maybe."

Arthur pushed a pile of socks out of the way and sat down on the edge of Merlin's bed. "What are you going to Wales for?"

"That's where I'm getting my Ph.D," Merlin explained. "I'm only a part-time candidate, so I don't have to live there or anything, but I have to make my appearances, meet with my advisors, give some guest lectures, that sort of thing."

"Lectures?" Arthur eyed Merlin appreciatively. "Lectures on what?"

"Just, you know..." Merlin trailed off, looking embarrassed.

"I don't know," Arthur said quietly. "Must be something interesting, though."

Merlin shrugged again and rifled needlessly through the socks in his case. "Well, it's interesting to me, anyway."

"Well, that's all that matters then, right? I mean, as long as you're studying what you want to study..." Arthur trailed off, surprised by his own words and unsure of how to finish that thought. He fiddled with his thumb ring, staring at it intently.

"Yeah." Arthur looked up to see Merlin giving him a small smile. "That's all that matters."

Arthur watched as Merlin added a few more superfluous items to his case and struggled to close it.

"What are you going to do with a Ph.D.?" he asked when Merlin's suitcase was zipped closed and shoved to the floor with a loud bang that shook the whole room.

Merlin sat down on the edge of his bed and rested his feet on the case with a sigh. "Well, I'd like to be the director of where I'm working now, eventually. But that won't be for years... decades, maybe."

"Why decades?"

"I'd need prior directorial experience. Plus, the man who's the director now is never going to die, if only out of spite."

Arthur laughed. "You could always have him murdered."

"I'm not sure that'd be a good career move."

"But it would open up the position a lot sooner."

Merlin shot Arthur a lopsided grin. "I guess. I still have to get my degree, though. And be a director of some other archives for a while."

"What sort of archives?"

Merlin stood and walked over to his bookshelves. He ran his fingers over the spines of his books and sighed. "I don't know. I'll probably move to France and try my hand at directing some archives there. Then when Geoffrey finally kicks the bucket, I'll move back and swoop in and take my dream job."

"You want to move to France?"

Merlin turned back around and smiled widely. "Sure. I got my masters there. I'd love to go back again."

"I assume from all the books that you're fluent."

Merlin nodded and sat back down. "Yeah. I... I didn't -- I've been studying it for years... and years."

Arthur watched Merlin staring down at his hands.

"What about you?" Merlin asked suddenly.

"I'm definitely not fluent in French. I know a few phrases of German, though. At least, I used to... back when I was actually studying it when I was 14."

Merlin smiled. "I meant... what do you want to do? You know, after... after football."

Arthur ran his fingers over the bit of the envelope sticking out of his pocket. He thought about the camera hidden in his gym cupboard, and the pictures of the pick-up game at the park.

"I'm not sure," he said slowly. "I'll probably... go into coaching. Maybe work with the youth boys... I really like working with kids. I run a camp over the summer, actually."

"Yeah. I think Elyan's mentioned that. He coaches too, at one of the local schools."

"Yeah, that's... that's what he said." Arthur cleared his throat. "Um... well, I should probably... get across the hall and... have dinner." He stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'll get you tickets for another weekend."

Merlin stood and followed him to the door. "Do you want to go to the Dragon? We could get dinner there."

Arthur paused, his hand on the doorknob. He knew that having dinner with Merlin wasn't conducive to _moving on_ , but Merlin looked so damn sweet and earnest standing there with a goofy, wide smile.

"Sure," he said, mirroring Merlin's grin.

"Great. Just let me get my wallet."

  
**~~~**   


Merlin flipped another page in his trashy magazine without taking in a single word. He had tried reading over his lecture notes, watching a movie on his laptop, listening to music, and writing down notes for a meeting with his advisor. All he could think about was how bored he was and how he wanted to call Gwen or Freya, but they were both working. 

He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts, making sure to start from the bottom and work his way to the top.

_Arthur Pendragon_

The name stared back at him as he replayed the previous night's dinner in his mind. Arthur had been funny and charming as always, but somehow nervous as well. Merlin had seen the way Arthur had blushed and looked away when he'd mentioned Mordred. Maybe Arthur wasn't as comfortable with gay men as he was pretending -- but why would he pretend?

_I am bored as fuck on this train. Are you training?_

Merlin set his phone down on the empty seat next to him and went back to his magazine. He had barely turned two pages when his phone vibrated with an incoming text message

**From Arthur: I'm on my way home. I thought you weren't leaving until the weekend?**

_Fridays are the weekend._

**From Arthur: I'll have to update my calendar. How long is your train ride?**

_Five hours total -- another three hours to go. There's an old woman across the aisle who is snoring like a sailor. Please send help._

**From Arthur: All I can send are dirty jokes.**

_That works for me._

Merlin set the magazine down and glanced out the window. He caught his reflection and immediately looked away again, trying to control the insane grin on his face.

  
**~~~**   


Arthur bolted across the changing room and flung himself onto Lance, tackling him to the ground in a fierce hug. 

Lance chuckled out a groan and shoved Arthur off.

"You're a fucking hero," Arthur shouted as he jumped up and helped Lance to stand. "You _won_ us that game."

Lance grinned and punched Arthur's shoulder.

"You scored the goals," Lance pointed out.

"Only because you passed me the ball." Arthur ruffled Lance's hair and let him go. "Hero," he said emphatically before heading toward his own locker.

Lance barely had time to grin before he was pounced on again, this time by Valiant. Arthur tried not to watch as Valiant stripped off Lance's jersey and draped it over his shoulders.

"You fucking _killed_ those faggots, DuLac." Valiant shoved his chest against Lance's. "They never even saw you coming. You snuck right up behind them and--" Valiant whipped the shirt off his shoulders and slapped it across Lance's backside. "Bam! Right in their poor virgin arses."

Lance laughed and shoved Valiant away. "Down, boy!"

Valiant smacked Lance's arse with the shirt again, tossed it onto Lance's face, and went to find other teammates to celebrate with. He patted Arthur roughly on the back on his way by, and it took all of Arthur's self-control not to punch him.

Arthur sat down on the bench and untied his boots slowly, trying not to pay attention to what was going on around him.

"PERCY!" Valiant bellowed as the goalkeeper came into the locker room. "Have you ever seen more perfect defence? Those queers never had a chance."

Arthur kicked off his boots, got to his feet, and walked out.

George was just outside the locker room, chatting excitedly with his assistants.

"There he is!" George shouted, grabbing Arthur's shoulder and pulling him over. "Score another hat-trick like that this season and I'll name every single one of my grandchildren after you!"

Arthur forced a smile as he stepped out of his manager's grip. "Thanks, Brass. I -- I had a lot of support from Lance."

George beamed. "You were both outstanding."

Arthur nodded in thanks and excused himself. He turned the corner and hid himself in the physios' room. He took off his thumb ring and tried it on every single finger, watching half an hour tick by on the clock with his mind tired and blank. When enough time had passed that he was sure the locker room would be empty, he made his way back.

Lance was sprawled out on one of the benches, holding his mobile in front of his face and texting.

"You're still here," Arthur said, sitting near Lance's feet.

Lance pushed himself up with a grunt and swung his legs off the bench. "Yeah, I was waiting for you. I saw you sneak off."

"Yeah, I... just needed to blow off some steam."

"You looked furious," Lance said quietly.

"I was just having a moment." Arthur bent down and peeled off his socks. "You know how it is after a game -- all that adrenaline. I just needed to check myself."

Lance nodded and went back to his mobile so that Arthur could change. Arthur went through the motions quickly. He wanted to get out of the stadium and back to his flat as soon as possible.

"Are you sure it wasn't Val?" Lance asked when Arthur sat back down to pack his bag.

"What?" Arthur asked, keeping his voice vague and steady.

"You know how he can get. He's got quite a mouth on him."

Arthur sighed and straightened up. "I just -- I don't think he says the most appropriate things and... well, I'm captain. If anyone is going to put a stop to it, it should be me."

"But?"

Arthur shrugged and stood, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "But it's the norm and if I say something, it's only going to cause problems. You know how he is."

"You're not exactly an easy target. You're the team's, hell, the country's sweetheart, and your dad owns the club. He'd never go after you."

"He's a very bitter man," Arthur pointed out. "He loves going after me."

"He's just jealous." Lance stood and patted Arthur on the shoulder. "You're the better player and the better man. Val's a dick."

Arthur snorted. "Yeah. That's for sure."

"Do you want to come over for a beer?" Lance asked, leading the way out of the locker room.

"I would, but I have to get home and feed the cat. You're welcome to come over to mine, though."

"Good. Let's get the fuck out of here, then."

"Lead the way, champ."

  
**~~~**   


On Tuesday night, after he'd gotten home from working on his thesis, Merlin had Gwen over for drinks. She showed up with her laptop and it wasn't long before Merlin was sprawled out on his couch, limp from Gwen's strong cocktails and with his feet in her lap while she painted his toenails. The laptop was set up on the coffee table and they were watching an American medical drama with a soundtrack full of distractingly good songs. 

"Stop wiggling your toes!" Gwen admonished, slapping Merlin's ankle.

"Stop watching shows with such catchy music," Merlin said into his cocktail.

"Stop being a boozy queen."

"Stop painting my toenails."

"Stop buying nail polish."

"Stop..." Merlin shrugged, giving up, and sipped his drink.

"Just stopping wiggling your toes and watch the show."

"I am watching the show. Doctor McDreamy is totally having sex with Doctor McSteamy."

"Sex?" Gwen glanced toward her laptop, which was set up on Merlin's coffee table. "They're punching each other."

"Not _now_ ," Merlin said, rolling his eyes. "After this scene. They're going to have hot make-up sex. It'll be steamy and dreamy and... doctory."

"You have a sick mind, Merlin."

"Just shut up and paint my toes."

Gwen grinned and went back to painting Merlin's toenails a bright neon pink.

"McSteamy definitely looks like a weekend top," Merlin declared a few minutes later, when he was bored and almost too drunk to pay attention to the show anymore.

"I don't even want to know what that means."

"It means pretty much exactly what it sounds like."

"That's what I was afraid of," Gwen muttered.

"You asked."

"Actually, I didn't. I definitely did the opposite of asking. I clearly said that I did _not_ want to know."

"I like to share the wealth," Merlin said, grinning.

"You like to share the filth."

There was a knock on the door and Merlin dragged his feet out of Gwen's lap and set them on the floor.

"Wealth, filth -- same thing," he said before opening the door. Arthur was on the other side with one of his teammates. "Oh."

"This is Gwaine," Arthur said quickly, gesturing at his friend. "Gwaine, this is Merlin. We were just going out for dinner and I was wondering if you wanted to join us."

Merlin shook Gwaine's hand, hoping that no one was going to look down at his feet. "Um. Actually, I'm with Gwen at the moment. We're watching shitty American telly on her laptop." He opened the door wider so they could see Gwen sitting on the couch.

"If you want, I can paint your toenails!" Gwen said cheerily as she stood and came over to the door. "I'm doing Merlin's in pink."

Gwaine laughed and held out his hand. "I'm Gwaine. You can paint my fingernails, actually. I think I'm in the mood for pink."

Merlin watched as Gwen escorted Gwaine to the couch.

"Sorry," Arthur said quietly. "He's not big on proper invitations... he just sort of barges in where ever he pleases. It's part of his foreign charm or something."

Merlin smiled and stepped aside so Arthur could come into his flat. "Where is he from?"

"Italy. Um." Arthur glanced down at Merlin's feet and Merlin felt himself going red. "That's a good colour on you."

"Thanks," Merlin mumbled. "Do you want a cocktail or something? We're having a -- well, to be perfectly honest, we're having a bit of a girly night. American hospital dramas, cocktails, nail polish..."

Arthur laughed and Merlin smiled nervously. "Sounds fun. Gwaine's obviously into it."

Merlin glanced over to see Gwen filing one of Gwaine's thumbnails. He was looking up at her through the ridiculous hair that had fallen over his face and Gwen was grinning like a loon. They were both blushing slightly and they looked happy.

Merlin wondered what Arthur and Gwaine would do if he flirted with a bloke in front of them like that. He couldn't imagine them rolling their eyes and ignoring it; he was sure they would stare and judge him.

"How's your lizard?" Arthur asked.

"What?"

"Um -- your -- the lizard."

"Oh!" Merlin kicked his door shut and turned away to avoid looking at Arthur. "He's fine." He led Arthur over to the lizard's cage, grabbing his drink on the way.

"What's his name?"

"Marie Antoinette."

Arthur looked at Merlin like he thought Merlin might be crazy, and all Merlin could do was give him a goofy smile. The cocktails had really gone to his head.

"Really? It's a boy and you named him Marie?"

"Marie _Antoinette_ ," Merlin corrected. "She was fabulous and so is he, so..." He cleared his throat and took a large drink of his cocktail. It burned the back of his throat and he shuddered slightly as he put the glass down on top of the tank.

"You're... drunk," Arthur said slowly.

"I might be a little drunk," Merlin admitted. "Gwen makes _really_ strong drinks."

Arthur picked up the glass and sniffed it. "Ugh, that smells like paint thinner."

"It doesn't taste much better," Merlin assured him. "Anyway, your cat's name is Matilda, so you have no room to talk."

"I guess not."

Merlin went back to sipping at his cocktail while Arthur bent down to watch the lizard. He tried not to stare at all that soft, shiny blond hair, and he tried not to stare at the ridiculously round arse that was practically right in his face.

Arthur glanced up at him and Merlin froze, not sure if Arthur had caught him staring or not.

"Would you still like me if I had a moustache?" he blurted out.

Arthur straightened back up, his eyebrows raised so high they were mostly hidden by his messy hair.

"I--"

"Are you thinking of growing a moustache?" Arthur asked, sounding concerned.

"No. No! I just -- I didn't know what to say and -- it just came out."

Arthur's mouth fell open slightly, but he recovered his shock quickly. "I don't think you'd look half-bad with a moustache. It would give you character. You'd probably look like some sort of weird French hipster. All you'd have to do is adopt a goofy accent and you'd be set."

Merlin stared, blinking slowly and trying to process what Arthur had just said.

"Sorry, was that--"

"I'm drunk," Merlin said quickly. "I -- sorry. I'm drunk."

Arthur laughed. "You're... yeah. You're definitely drunk."

"Well, do you want to watch this dumb show? It's really cheesy but it's fairly entertaining, as long as you can stomach the pretend medical talk."

Arthur shrugged. "Might as well. It looks like Gwaine isn't going to want to leave for dinner any time soon."

Merlin sat back on the couch, careful not to spill his drink. Gwen and Gwaine ignored him and carried on talking about what various shades of pink would look like on Gwaine's nails, or in Gwaine's hair, or on Camelot's kits. Arthur sat in one of the chairs next to the coffee table and rested his feet on it, crossing them at the ankle.

Merlin finished off his drink and, as innocently as he could, rested his ankles over Arthur's. He watched Arthur's reaction carefully -- as carefully as he could without actually looking at Arthur, anyway -- but all he could see was Arthur's lips twitching in an attempt to hold back a smile.

He glanced over at Gwen and Gwaine, who were laughing. He wasn't sure if they were laughing at his and Arthur's ankles, or something else entirely, but it didn't really matter. He was flirting with Arthur -- which he knew he shouldn't be, but he was just drunk enough not to care -- and no one was reacting badly. No one was reacting at all.

Merlin set his glass down on the coffee table and tried to pay attention to the show on Gwen's laptop, but all he could really concentrate on was how solid and _warm_ Arthur's skin was against his own.

And then there were the _tattoos_ , which he had never noticed before. Just above Arthur's right ankle, in a semi-circle, was the word _STRENGTH_. Merlin had seen the hint of a matching tattoo on Arthur's other ankle as they were sitting down, but he hadn't had time to read the word. He liked the tattoo -- it was simple but powerful. He ran over a list of possible words that might be on Arthur's left ankle: speed, dexterity, wisdom, freedom, drive, kisses, kitties, titties, or maybe even just the word "tattoo."

Merlin was pretty sure that Arthur didn't have a "tattoo" tattoo, but he'd had three of Gwen's cocktails and was willing to believe just about anything -- even that Arthur's wiggling toes meant that Arthur was trying to flirt back, if only just a little bit.

  
**~~~**   


The man on Arthur's laptop screen was tall and thin and bloody gorgeous. At least, Arthur imagined that he was bloody gorgeous -- his face was cut off, but Arthur couldn't imagine that anyone with such a brilliant body could have an unfortunate face. 

Arthur couldn't quite pinpoint the moment that he had become so enamoured of skinny brunets -- at least, he was pretending that he couldn't pinpoint it -- but he had come to accept the fact that nothing could get him harder or get him off quicker than watching those men get naked and touch their cocks.

Arthur brushed his free hand over his pierced nipple and hissed at the sparks of pleasure. He hadn't been watching porn for more than ten minutes, but he was already on the edge of an orgasm. He tried to hold back, to slow down, to make it last, but the man on his screen was far too mesmerizing.

The man jerked roughly and came onto his stomach with a groan, and Arthur couldn't help but do the same. He arched off his bed and tossed his head back on his pillow, trying not to moan too loudly. Heat pulsed through his tense body and he stroked himself through the very last of it, until his cock was soft and barely twitching.

When he could think again, Arthur closed his laptop and pulled off his headphones. He stared up at the ceiling for a long moment, wishing pointlessly that his gay sex life wasn't exclusive to secret porn.

His mobile vibrated on the night stand and Arthur reached out for it with his clean hand. It was a text from Mithian, who he hadn't heard from since their date. He read it warily.

**From Mithian: Come over to Merlin's? We're all here having dinner.**

Arthur frowned slightly, wondering why the invitation hadn't come from Merlin. He didn't want to intrude if Merlin didn't want him there. He was also pretty sure that "all" included Freya, and he didn't want to step into that mess. He typed out a short response with his thumb.

_Are you sure?_

Tossing the phone back onto his night stand, Arthur got up from his bed and headed to the bathroom to clean himself up. When he came back, there was another text, but this time it was from Merlin.

**From Merlin: Yes, we're sure. There's pasta.**

Arthur grinned to himself and put on a clean shirt before hurrying out of his flat. He knocked on Merlin's door and it opened less than five seconds later.

Mithian let him into Merlin's flat and gave him a long hug, which Arthur returned as he looked over her shoulder to see who else was there. It was the same crowd from the Monopoly game, plus Mithian and minus Mordred. Arthur wasn't too thrilled to see Morgana, but if her sour expression was any indicator, she wasn't too thrilled to see him either. She was standing next to Freya, who was giving Arthur a friendly wave. Arthur let go of Mithian and returned the wave.

Merlin came out of the kitchen with two bottles of wine and gave Arthur a nod in greeting. His hair looked soft and freshly tousled, as if he had recently taken a shower. He also had a hint of a beard, which surprised Arthur because he had been clean shaven the last time they had seen each other, which was only three days ago.

The stubble made him look older and more mature; it made him look wiser and a little rougher around the edges. He no longer looked like the nerdy, awkward archivist who had a penchant for glitter. He looked like a _man_ \-- the kind of man who might take off all his clothes and post anonymous wanking videos on the internet.

Arthur returned Merlin's nod and looked away before his thoughts got the better of him.

"We're just eating around the coffee table," Merlin explained as he set down the wine. "You've probably noticed by now that I don't actually own a dining room table."

"You'd have room for one if you didn't have so many damn bookshelves," Elyan teased.

Merlin shrugged happily, pulled a corkscrew out of his pocket, and started opening the wine.

"I like my books," he said simply. "And you like my wine."

"Maybe if you stopped spending so much money on expensive French wine, you'd have the money to even buy a dining room table," Elyan said, taking an open bottle out of Merlin's hand and pouring himself a glass.

Merlin rolled his eyes and opened the other bottle. "White or red?" he asked Arthur.

"Um," Arthur said stupidly, distracted by Merlin's long fingers wrapped around the corkscrew.

"Go for the white," Elyan advised, pouring another glass and handing it to Arthur.

"I'll take some red," Gwen said, taking the second bottle out of Merlin's hands. "My tits are killing me and I need a good pain-reliever."

"You know that wine isn't melted medicine, right?" Merlin asked as he handed Gwen a glass.

"Speak for yourself."

"Can I request that you stop talking about your tits?" Elyan asked, pulling a face.

"You can request whatever you want, but that doesn't mean I'll listen." Gwen smiled sweetly.

"Why exactly do your tits hurt?" Merlin asked. He held out another glass for Gwen to fill and sipped at his red wine.

"Period." Gwen sighed and rolled her eyes.

"At least you know you're not pregnant," Merlin teased.

"You'd help me raise it though, right? If I was pregnant, I mean."

Merlin grinned. "Only if you let me name it. I'd call it Jacleen if it's a boy and Herman if it's a girl."

Gwen snorted in amusement. "Of course you would."

"What would you name Gwen's kid?" Merlin asked Arthur.

Arthur blinked. "Um, I don't... what?"

"Don't mind him," Elyan said, patting Arthur on the shoulder. "It's how he bonds with people. He just says weird things and hopes the other person says something just as weird right back to him. It's a wonder he has any friends at all."

"You're my friend," Merlin pointed out, apparently not bothered by Elyan's comments.

"Only because you're so damn cute."

Elyan gave Merlin a cheesy wink and Merlin giggled into his glass. Arthur took a large drink of his wine and turned to see what the others were up to. Morgana, Mithian, and Freya were gathered near the lizard's tank.

Arthur watched them for a while, trying to decipher the dynamics between Mithian and Freya. They were laughing and joking with each easily, but it seemed more casual than anything else. They weren't making eyes at each other or touching each other or flirting with each other. In fact, most of Freya's attention seemed to be focused on Morgana. And Morgana's attention was definitely directed at Freya. Arthur had watched Morgana flirt with enough of his teammates over the years to recognise the signs -- Morgana was playing with her hair, smiling shyly, not-so-innocently putting her hand on Freya's arm, and giggling at every other sentence that came out of Freya's mouth.

Morgana was flirting with Freya -- and Freya was flirting back -- and Arthur suddenly felt like there would never be enough wine to help him cope with that.

Merlin excused himself into the kitchen again and Gwen moved over next to Arthur, smiling widely.

"Merlin's pasta is delicious," she said, linking her arm with his. "He makes the sauce from scratch and everything."

"He's... really good in the kitchen, huh?" Arthur asked pointlessly.

"He'll make someone a fantastic housewife someday," Elyan said.

"Don't be such a dick!" Gwen punched Elyan's arm, hard.

Elyan laughed and pushed Gwen's hand away. "I was just kidding."

"It's not funny," Gwen said seriously. "You shouldn't talk like that."

"It was a joke, Gwen." Elyan rolled his eyes.

"And I told you it wasn't funny. You of all people should know what that kind of language does."

"Look, until you sprout a prick and turn into a gay man, you don't get to have a say in what kind of language I use."

"You're infuriating." Gwen refilled her wine glass and quickly disappeared into the kitchen.

"Sisters are a fucking pain," Elyan said, rolling his eyes again.

Arthur glanced over at where Morgana was still flirting with Freya. "You can say that again."

"Gwen takes herself too seriously. I guarantee you Merlin would have laughed at the housewife joke."

Arthur shrugged and sipped at his wine, trying not to ask the question that was on the tip of his tongue.

"You don't mind, do you?" Elyan asked after a long moment.

"Mind what?"

Elyan gestured around Merlin's flat. "Well, you're pretty much in a room full of queers."

Arthur bit his lip and fought not to fiddle with his thumb ring. "I don't, um -- you, too?"

Elyan nodded. "Yeah."

Arthur gripped his wine glass a little tighter. "I don't mind," he managed. "Gwen and Morgana are straight, though... right?"

Elyan frowned, looking confused. "Well, Gwen's--"

"Dinner!" Merlin announced as he emerged from the kitchen with a large bowl full of angel hair pasta. Gwen was just behind him with a pot of steaming sauce and a plate stacked high with garlic bread.

"That smells insanely delicious," Mithian said. "You're the best chef."

"There'll be brownies for dessert," Merlin said proudly. He set the bowl down on the coffee table and stepped back to admire his work. "Well, dig in!"

Everyone got in line to pile pasta and sauce on their plates, then sat down on the couch and arm chairs to eat their dinner. Freya and Morgana were squeezed together in one arm chair, and no one but Arthur seemed to find that odd.

Merlin's homemade sauce was exquisite and addicting, but Arthur couldn't bring himself to compliment it. Everyone else had gushed over it and all Merlin had done in response was smile and tell them to eat more. Arthur didn't think Merlin would care to hear more of the same from him, especially when he was the outsider in the close group of friends. He tried not to let it bother him, but he still felt somewhat out of place and removed, just as he had done during Monopoly.

When the pasta was gone and Arthur had resorted to dragging garlic bread across his plate in order to get more of the sauce, Mithian got up from her arm chair. She grabbed the wines to refill everyone's glasses and then squeezed herself onto the couch next to Arthur.

"How'd you like it?" she asked, handing Arthur what was his fourth glass of wine.

"Delicious seems like a bit of an understatement," Arthur said quietly.

Mithian grinned and casually rested her hand on Arthur's thigh. Arthur tried to ignore it and focus on his garlic bread and wine.

Arthur abstained from the brownies that Merlin finally brought out from the kitchen, choosing to have yet another glass of wine instead. By then, Morgana and Freya were practically cuddling in their armchair, and Arthur was trying to plan an escape that didn't involve bringing Mithian back to his flat.

"Do you need help cleaning up?" he asked Merlin, hoping that would get across that he was trying to leave.

"Oh -- if you want." Merlin smiled dopily and Arthur wondered how much wine he had had over the course of the night.

Arthur grabbed the empty pasta bowl and stood up, Mithian's hand slipping off his thigh as he moved. He took the bowl to the kitchen and set it in the sink. His head was spinning slightly from the sudden movement and he realised that he was a bit more buzzed than he had thought. It felt good -- he felt relaxed and happy for no particular reason -- but he knew he should leave before he did or said something to embarrass himself. Wine tended to make him speak before he could think about what he was saying.

Morgana came in a moment later with the empty sauce pot.

"Are you with Mithian now?" she asked, setting the pot inside the pasta bowl.

"No," Arthur said quickly. "I mean -- I don't know. We went out for dinner once."

"I think she likes you." Morgana eyed Arthur sharply and Arthur looked away from the scrutiny. "You've done a lot worse than Mithian. She's nice... I think she'd be good for you."

"I wasn't asking for advice, actually."

"I heard that Elena broke up with you. I had to hear it from Morgause, of all people. I don't know why you refuse to talk to me about these things."

"Why the hell have you been talking to my agent?"

"We're friends, Arthur," she said pityingly.

"Like you're _friends_ with Freya?" Arthur snapped.

Morgana's mouth fell open slightly. "What?"

Arthur pointed his finger in her face but all she did was raise an eyebrow, nonplussed. "You may have had to hear about me and Elena from Morgause, but _I_ had to hear about you being gay from _Elyan_."

"I'm not gay," Morgana said smoothly.

"Then why have you been all over Freya the whole night?"

"Because I like her. Not everything has to be so black-and-white, Arthur. I like men but sometimes I like women, too. I liked Morgause, I like Freya -- it's really none of your business."

"You liked _Morgause_?"

Morgana rolled her eyes. "Yes, Arthur. A few years ago, for about a minute until I realised that she was way too intense for me and that I wanted someone less hard-core... like Freya, for example."

"Does Father know about this?"

"No. I don't generally tell him about who I'm having sex with, though."

Arthur huffed and ran his hands through his hair. "I can't believe you've never told me this."

"You'll get over it. Look, you seem to be a bit drunk. Why don't you just go back across the hall and go to bed. Mithian will understand. I'll tell her you've got a headache or something."

"I'm not ducking out like a coward."

"You're not a coward, you're just drunk."

"I'm not drunk, I'm just tipsy!"

Morgana laughed and shook her head. "You're ridiculous. Come on, let's go back out."

"I think I'm going to get myself some water," Arthur said, turning and opening a random cupboard. It was filled with spices and baking supplies.

"The cups are here." Morgana pulled one out for him and filled it under the tap. "Don't drown in it."

Arthur rolled his eyes but took the glass from her before she left the kitchen. He leant against the counter and took a few sips of the water, trying to clear his head.

When the glass was empty, Arthur considered going back out into the living room. He could hear muffled voices, so he knew Merlin's guests were still out there. He just couldn't come up with a polite way to leave without inviting Mithian with him.

"Are you all right?" Merlin asked, coming into the kitchen with the empty garlic bread plate.

"Yeah. Just getting some water."

Merlin nodded and set the plate down on the counter. "Morgana just left. Is everything okay? I thought I heard shouting."

Arthur shrugged and re-filled his glass with more water. "Yeah. We just... we had a bit of an argument. It's nothing. I'm just drunk."

"Drunk?" Merlin asked, his eyebrow quirked up.

"Well -- no. Just feeling a bit light-headed. Um. I didn't know... Morgana never told me before that she -- I just was surprised to see her flirting with Freya, is all."

Merlin frowned slightly. "What?"

Arthur sighed and set down his glass. "I didn't know she went out with other women until tonight."

"Oh!" Merlin ran his hand over his stubbly jaw and Arthur looked away.

"Yeah. She never told me... even though she apparently went out with my fucking agent a few years ago. I just..." Arthur shrugged. "I don't know. It's weird. She should have told me. She's my sister. It was weird to find out by watching her flirt with Freya."

Arthur glanced back at Merlin and regretted it. Merlin was giving him a hard, piercing look. Arthur tried to hold Merlin's gaze, but found it too unnerving and had to look away again.

"Do you have a problem with her and Freya being together?"

"Are they together?"

"No," Merlin said slowly. "But I think they might get together."

Arthur shrugged. "I don't have a problem with it. I wish people would stop asking me that. I'm really not so pig-headed. It's just my job -- the whole football thing... it throws people off. There's the rumours and the... well, it's not really rumours. It's all true -- the chants and the taunts and the fucking ignorant comments. But it's not me -- _that's_ not me, and I wish people would stop assuming that it is."

Merlin exhaled a soft "oh" and Arthur felt his whole face going red.

He shouldn't have said those things.

"Are you -- Arthur, are _you_ gay?" Merlin asked, his voice soft and concerned.

"I -- what?" Arthur blurted out.

"Sorry," Merlin said quickly. "I won't tell anyone. I mean -- if you are. I wasn't assuming, I was just... asking."

Arthur took a deep breath and tried to look up at Merlin's face, but he only got as far as Merlin's neck. There was stubble there, too.

"Nobody knows," Arthur managed in a choked-off whisper. His head was too fuzzy for him to deny it; he didn't want to deny it. All he could do was beg Merlin not to spread the news. "Please."

"Hey." Merlin stepped forward and put a hand on Arthur's arm. Arthur tensed and only barely managed to hold back a gasp. "It's all right."

"Please don't tell."

"Arthur, look at me."

Arthur gulped and forced himself to meet Merlin's calm blue eyes.

"You don't have to worry. Who would I tell?"

"Morgana."

Merlin smiled calmly. "I'm not going to tell Morgana. I'm not going to tell anyone."

Arthur nodded.

"Do you believe me?"

Arthur nodded again. "Yeah. I... I do. Thanks. Thank you."

Merlin leant forward and Arthur stopped breathing for a second, but Merlin only kissed him on the cheek.

"I'm sorry for being nosy," he said, stepping back. "It was the wine. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business."

Arthur shrugged. "It's okay. It's -- nice that someone knows, I guess."

Merlin scratched his stubble again. "I'm really the only person who knows?"

"Yeah," Arthur said, feeling his throat getting tight. "Look, I'm going to go before I have a drunken panic attack in your kitchen. Tell Mithian I'm sorry."

He walked out of Merlin's flat as quickly as he could and didn't look back.


	3. Chapter 3

Merlin was drunk for the third time that week, but it was finally the weekend, so he didn't feel as guilty about it. He was at the Unicorn with Freya and Morgana, and he was dancing with a ridiculously attractive man.

"I like your beard," the man said into Merlin's ear.

Merlin grinned his thanks and pressed his hips a little closer to the other man's.

"You look better without it, though," the man continued.

Merlin leant back slightly. "What?"

"I've seen you here before," he shouted over the music. "You're usually clean-shaven. And you always wear glitter." He brushed his thumb over Merlin's lower lip and smiled at the glitter that rubbed off onto his skin.

He moved in for a kiss, but Merlin backed away.

"Sorry," Merlin mouthed, walking backwards toward the bar.

The man made a rude gesture at him, but Merlin just rolled his eyes and turned around. He liked his stubble and if anyone else didn't -- well, that was their problem, not his. He could find someone else to dance with. There were plenty of other hot men at the Unicorn -- that was rather the point of it all.

"Cranberry vodka?" Mordred asked when Merlin reached the bar.

Merlin grinned and nodded, reaching in to his jeans for some money. He slid it across the bar as Mordred handed him his drink and turned back around to survey the crowd, trying to spot his friends or at least spot another bloke he could grind against.

"Merlin?"

Merlin turned and almost dropped his drink when he saw Gwaine standing next to him.

"H-hi," he managed. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here with my sister," Gwaine said, pointing at the mass of dancers. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm..." Merlin trailed off, not sure what to say.

Gwaine grinned and knocked his hip into Merlin's. "I'm kidding. Is Gwen here?"

"Not tonight," Merlin said. "She's at the cinema with her brother."

Gwaine nodded. "Shame. I guess I will have to dance with you instead!"

Merlin laughed and took a large gulp of his drink, but Gwaine grabbed his free hand and dragged him back into the crowd.

"You're serious?" Merlin asked stupidly as Gwaine put one hand on his waist.

"Of course!" Gwaine pressed his hips forward and rocked against Merlin.

Merlin let out a high-pitched giggle and took another long drink.

"Why are you so nervous? Don't you dance with men all the time?"

"Gay men."

Gwaine shrugged. "Does it matter? You can't dance with straight friends?"

Merlin wanted to ask exactly when he and Gwaine had become friends, but he opted for finishing off his drink instead. Gwaine took Merlin's glass out of his hand and passed it off to someone who was walking by, not even asking if that person was heading back in the direction of the bar.

"Come on." Gwaine waggled his eyebrows encouragingly and Merlin laughed.

"Do your teammates know you like to come to gay bars?" he asked, putting his hands on Gwaine's sides and rocking to the loud music.

"I've never been here before," Gwaine explained. "My sister just moved here and this is her first time out." He shrugged and took one hand off Merlin's waist to brush hair out of his face. "She wanted me to come with her. I don't mind, though."

"Yeah, I can see that," Merlin muttered.

"What?" Gwaine moved closer to hear Merlin better.

Merlin shook his head and continued dancing, trying not to think about anything other than the hard muscles underneath his fingers.

When the song changed, Gwaine shoved at Merlin's waist until Merlin turned around, and then pulled Merlin back against him. Merlin arched his back and leant forward just slightly, making sure that his arse was pressed firmly against Gwaine's crotch.

Gwaine just laughed and went with it. He wrapped his arms around Merlin's chest and nosed the back of Merlin's neck. Merlin found the whole situation bizarre, but he was drunk and still having a good time, so he couldn't find it in him to complain or really even care that much. He reached behind them and spread his hands out over Gwaine's firm arse, pulling Gwaine even closer.

  
**~~~**   


"Mercia slugs. Mercia tarantulas. Mercia rat dicks." Gwaine sat down on the bench next to Arthur and grinned. "Mercia cat piss. Mercia horse shit. Mercia elephant vomit." 

Arthur laughed and pushed at Gwaine's shoulder. "You're dumb as fuck."

Gwaine shoved Arthur right back and leant down to re-lace his boots. "I saw your friend last night."

"My friend?" Arthur asked absently, adjusting one of his shin pads.

"The one I met the other week -- Merlin."

Arthur looked over at Gwaine, but his face was covered by his hair. "What?"

"I was out with my sister at the gay club near your apartment... what's it called?"

Arthur shrugged and pulled his stockings up over his shin pads. "How should I know?" he muttered, fighting the urge to get up and run out of the locker room.

"Well, I saw Merlin there. He looks good in glitter." Gwaine shot Arthur a wide grin. "We danced together."

Arthur sat up, his hands tight on his thighs. "You -- danced with Merlin?" He flushed at the tremor in his voice.

Gwaine's brow furrowed slightly and Arthur bent down to fix his other shin pad.

"He's got a nice arse," Gwaine said after a moment. "Too bad I'm not gay!" He clapped Arthur on the back and left to go talk to another teammate.

Arthur closed his eyes, straightened up, and took a deep breath. He set his hands on his knees and rubbed his thumb ring over his muscles, focusing all of his attention on that tiny movement. The first match of the season against Mercia was in less than fifteen minutes, and he needed to have a clear head. He did _not_ need mental images of Merlin and Gwaine grinding against each other, covered in glitter and dripping with sweat. He didn't need to be thinking about Gwaine's arse rubbing against Merlin's cock, or -- or the other way around.

He didn't need errant thoughts about what it might be like if _he_ went to the Unicorn and danced with Merlin.

Arthur took another deep breath and tried to picture himself on the pitch playing against Mercia, but all he could think about was Merlin. Arthur imagined Merlin at the club, his eyes and lips and cheekbones splashed with glitter, his face flushed with alcohol and the heat of all the writhing bodies surrounding him.

Arthur saw himself behind Merlin, holding Merlin's hips against his, dragging his lips across the back of Merlin's long neck. Heat prickled at the back of his neck and he closed his eyes tighter, trying to think of something -- anything -- else.

"Praying isn't going to help you," Valiant said, shoving his knee into Arthur's back as he walked past Arthur's bench. "Don't get soft on us now, Pendragon."

Arthur set his jaw and opened his eyes to glare up at Valiant. "Just worry about yourself, Val. You know how hard Mercia's attack plays."

Valiant shrugged easily. "Nothing I've never seen before." He ruffled Arthur's hair so hard that Arthur's ears rung from the shaking and walked off with a defiant laugh.

  
**~~~**   


"I have never seen you so interested in football before," Gwen said, knocking her foot against Merlin's. 

Merlin shifted slightly on Elyan's couch and took a swig of his beer. "Sorry, I zoned out."

"Thinking about ways to convert Gwaine?" Elyan teased.

"Gwaine's straight," Merlin said easily.

"He had his dick halfway up your arse last night," Gwen said jealously.

"Okay, you weren't there to see it," Merlin defended himself. "He was drunk and he was just being friendly. Besides, he was soft the whole time. There's not one pinch of fairy dust in that man."

Elyan snorted into his beer.

"Whatever. I can't believe I missed him. We are never doing sibling movie night again," Gwen said, glaring at Elyan.

Elyan shrugged. "If the alternative is dancing with footballers in a gay club, I am more than okay with that."

Merlin sighed and took another drink of beer. The bottle was sweating in his hands and he kept having to wipe his palm on his jeans. It was annoying and distracting, but not nearly distracting enough. Every time he looked at Elyan's telly to watch the game, all he could think about was the fact that Arthur was gay.

_Gay._

Of course, Merlin knew that there had to be some closeted gay football players. Statistically, there just _had_ to be. But Arthur Pendragon was the biggest football player since fucking David Beckham. He was a well-known bachelor who seemingly went through dozens of women without even blinking. He was a model. He was _captain_ of one of the top teams in the country and -- he was a star. There was no other word for it. Arthur Pendragon was simply huge.

It had been weird enough to make friends with such a celebrity, but to find out that he was secretly gay? It was a bit more than Merlin knew what to do with, especially since he had been sworn to secrecy.

"Seriously," Gwen knocked Merlin's foot again. "Are you becoming a fan or something?"

"He's just fantasizing about all those thighs," Elyan said, leaning closer to the telly. "Fuck, he's going -- YES!" Elyan clapped his hands together and let out a victorious yelp.

Merlin glanced back at the screen and saw Arthur's goal being replayed in slow-motion. The station cut back to a live feed and Merlin watched Lance and Gwaine sprinting toward Arthur for celebratory hugs and chest-bumps.

"Arthur's a fucking genius," Elyan whinged, his voice full of admiration and longing. "That should have been impossible."

"Genius?" Merlin asked. "It's kicking a ball."

Elyan rolled his eyes. "Don't pretend you've ever understood the sport. There's a lot of strategy involved. Arthur's a damn quick thinker. You don't get the opportunity to make shots like that if you're just standing around waiting for the ball to come your way."

"I wasn't looking for a lecture," Merlin muttered.

"You have to be -- _so_ smart and _so_ fast to have the kind of career Arthur has."

Merlin shrugged and went back to sipping at his beer. He had never paid much attention to anything Elyan ever said about football before, but some of what he was saying now sort of made sense. It was clear that Arthur wasn't the typical dumb jock, even if he was clueless at Monopoly. Merlin had never really thought about what sort of intelligence went into being a good athlete; it had always seemed very different from his own kind of intelligence, and the kind of intelligence he liked to seek out in potential boyfriends. But Arthur was decent at Taboo and significantly more than decent at football. It wasn't a kind of intelligence that Merlin understood, but that didn't make it any less sexy.

He sighed and shifted again, wanting to leave but not wanting to make up excuses.

"You all right?" Gwen asked.

Merlin nodded. "Yeah. I'm just tired."

"Yeah, I imagine dancing with Gwaine all night is exhausting."

"You really couldn't be more jealous if you tried, could you?"

" _He asked for me_ ," Gwen said, exasperated. "I completely missed my chance because this wanker was too scared to see a zombie movie alone."

"Pretty sure that was the other way around," Elyan said smoothly.

"Whatever. It's not like I can go after Arthur. Gwaine was my only chance at snogging one of Camelot's finest."

"Wait, why can't you go after Arthur?"

"Because Mithian would slaughter me in my sleep. She was all over him -- you were there."

"Yeah, I was," Elyan agreed. "And it was very one-sided."

"It wasn't _that_ one-sided," Gwen protested.

"You saw the way he left in a huff without even saying goodbye. She was clearly gagging for his cock and he could not have been less interested."

"Maybe he was just having a bad night," Merlin said quietly.

"Doesn't cock sucking automatically make a night better?" Gwen asked.

"Please don't ever say something like that in front of me again," Elyan groaned. "Anyway, the point is that he clearly didn't care to invite her back to his that night."

"I think he was just having a bad night," Merlin tried again.

"Why?" Gwen asked, turning to Merlin.

Merlin shrugged. "I don't think he knew about Morgana, um... being with women. I think he was sort of upset to find out the way he did... you know, from watching her flirt with Freya like that all night."

"That could be my fault," Elyan said guiltily.

"It's no one's fault but Morgana's for not telling him," Gwen said. "He's her brother for fuck's sake. Didn't she used to sleep with his agent?"

"Yeah, he found that out Friday night, too," Merlin explained.

"Awkward," Gwen said in a sing-song voice.

"He'll get over it," Elyan said bracingly. "Besides, I'm not convinced he's 100% straight, himself."

"What?" Gwen shrieked.

Merlin brought the beer bottle up to his lips and took a long drink, hoping that this part of the conversation wouldn't last too long.

Elyan shrugged. "What? You've seen the way he looks at Merlin."

"Well -- _yeah_ , but that doesn't mean--"

"What else would it mean? You think he likes to eye-fuck Merlin for some other reason? He does it out of boredom?"

"He does not eye-fuck me," Merlin said sternly. "Arthur's straight. Stop spreading rumours."

"What rumours? I'm on my living room sofa talking to my sister and her best mate. Am I calling up the tabloids? No! I'm just saying that I've never seen a straight man look at another bloke the way that Arthur looks at Merlin."

Gwen turned to look at Merlin and Merlin busied himself with his beer, hoping she couldn't see his ears burning.

"You are such a liar!" she squealed. "You know damn well he's been flirting with you."

"I'm pretty sure he hasn't been flirting with me," Merlin said flatly.

"And _I'm_ pretty sure he _has_ been," Elyan said. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I've seen closet cases before and they never do anything about it. They just let it fester."

Merlin rubbed his eyes. "Can we stop talking about this?"

Elyan leant back to look at Merlin behind Gwen's head. Merlin gave him a small smile and Elyan just shook his head in response, as if to say, "that's a shame."

Merlin sighed and set his beer down on the table. "I'm going to go work on some stuff. Text me if Camelot wins." He stood and gave a wave over his shoulder as he left.

  
**~~~**   


On Wednesday, Camelot Football Club was still celebrating the win against their rivals. It was the first step toward winning the league and everyone was hopeful about their chances. 

It didn't make Arthur feel good. The Mercia game had taken a lot of out of him. It had been way too exhausting to focus on the match and not think about Gwaine and Merlin dancing together. George had taken him off the pitch after his goal at the beginning of the second half, but that had only made him feel worse. He hadn't wanted his struggles to be obvious, but George had pulled him out and shoved a protein bar in his face. The message was clear: get your act together and _don't stop eating again_.

Arthur had skipped breakfast that morning, but he hadn't said anything about it to anyone; it wasn't out of control yet. Although, the more Arthur thought about Merlin -- Merlin dancing with Gwaine, Merlin knowing that he was gay, Merlin kissing his cheek -- the more he wanted to hide under his bed covers and stop eating entirely.

It didn't help that now Arthur was under a lot of pressure to _not_ have a repeat performance of last season. He knew he needed to stop thinking about Merlin so much; everything about Merlin was distracting and stressful and counterproductive to Arthur being a strong captain and a strong player. He _knew_ he needed to get a grip on himself and just _focus_ , but Merlin was everywhere and he couldn't see an escape. If he was really honest with himself, he didn't want to see an escape; he liked spending time with Merlin and no matter how many times he told himself that he needed to remove himself from the situation, he could never bring himself to actually do it.

He was going to have to find some other way of coping with Merlin-related anxiety that didn't involve removing Merlin from his life, because that was the last thing in the world he wanted to do.

So far, he hadn't had any major brainstorms, but he was trying not to let it get to him too much. He had done well on concentrating during most of training that week, and now he was just going through some stretches in the corner, bringing his body down from the adrenaline high of the day's practice.

Gwaine was nearby, knocking a football back and forth between his feet and not doing anything very productive. He had been hovering by Arthur for almost ten minutes, and Arthur was starting to get annoyed. He needed space to clear his head, and if Gwaine wasn't going to start up a conversation, Arthur didn't want him so close.

"Are you almost done?" Gwaine asked after Arthur shot him a particularly dirty look.

"Why?" Arthur grunted as his back cracked in the middle of his stretch.

"I have a favour to ask."

Arthur tried not to roll his eyes. Really, Gwaine could have just said that from the beginning. "What's that?"

"You know Merlin's friend Gwen?"

Arthur nodded and turned to the other side for a reverse stretch. His back cracked again and he let out a long sigh, relaxing into the burn.

"Do you think she's nice-looking?"

Arthur shrugged. "I don't know," he said, his voice strained by the twist in his body. "I'm sort of with one of her friends, so..."

"Merlin?" Gwaine asked with a laugh.

Arthur shook his head and flopped out of the stretch. He fell onto his back and pulled his knees to his chest.

"Anyway, if you're not interested in her -- can I have her number? Or can you give her mine?"

"I don't have her number," Arthur said, rocking side-to-side. "But I can get it for you."

Gwaine moved over and leant down to clap Arthur on the shoulder. "Thanks, mate."

Arthur spread out his limbs and took a deep breath. "No problem. That's what I'm here for."

"What?"

"I don't know." Arthur pushed himself off the floor and saluted Gwaine as he retreated to the changing room.

Lance was in there, and Arthur gave him a wave as he headed for his locker. Unfortunately, Valiant and Percy were chatting nearby, and Arthur walked over at exactly the wrong moment.

"Have you even met his sister yet?" Percy asked.

Arthur knew immediately that they were talking about Gwaine's sister. Valiant still had it in his stupid head that he was going to "convert" her.

"No. I was supposed to last weekend but he said they were going out to a gay club. Why the fuck Gwaine wanted to hang out there is beyond me, though."

"Maybe because his sister is a _lesbian_ ," Percy said, rolling his eyes. "I think you're missing the point."

"There is no point," Valiant said cockily. He glanced over at Arthur, who ignored him. "Actually, he said he ran into one of Arthur's mates there. I didn't realise you were friends with poofs, Pendragon."

"I really don't know what you want me to say to that," Arthur said flatly as he kicked off his boots.

"Val, don't be a dick," Percy warned.

Arthur turned to look at Percy in surprise and saw Valiant glaring at him.

"I suppose you'll be in line behind Gwaine next time he goes out, then."

Percy rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to any gay bars. I'm just saying that Arthur's allowed to be friends with whoever he wants."

"It's whomever, actually," Lance said, coming over to lean against the locker next to Arthur's.

Valiant slammed his locker shut and walked out, mumbling to himself about how much he hated their team.

"When is he going to get transferred?" Lance asked in a bored voice.

"He's not that bad," Percy said, shrugging. "He only says shit like that because he doesn't know what else to say."

"Then he should keep his fucking mouth shut," Arthur snapped. He closed his locker, grabbed his bag, and left even though he was still half-dressed in his practice uniform.

He was supposed to have a meeting with his father that afternoon and he knew that Uther was going to be furious with him for blowing it off, but he couldn't stop himself from getting into his car and driving home. He would come up with some excuse later.

After he was home and properly showered, Arthur went across the hall to knock on Merlin's door. It opened quickly and suddenly he was face-to-face with a very sweaty Merlin.

"Arthur," Merlin said, beaming and stepping aside to let Arthur into his flat. "Hi."

"Hi," Arthur said slowly, taking in Merlin's appearance. His hair was damp and flat against his forehead, and his face was flushed. He was wearing a tight blue vest and black pants that clung to his muscles in truly obscene ways.

"Sorry, I just got back from yoga," Merlin explained.

"Oh, right. Um, listen, you haven't told anyone, have you?" He didn't want to ask -- he didn't want to bring it up ever again -- but he had to know.

Merlin stared at him blankly for a second and Arthur hoped he wasn't going to have to spell it out, but then Merlin blinked and shook his head.

"No! No, of course not. You asked me not to."

Arthur nodded and forced a smile. "Thanks."

"It's no problem. Though, I guess I should tell you that Elyan is extremely suspicious and not very tactful, so don't be too surprised if he tries to talk to you about it next time you see him."

Arthur rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Okay. Well... thanks for the heads up, I guess."

"I tried to tell him you were straight," Merlin said guiltily. "He just didn't believe me."

"You don't have to lie for me," Arthur said quickly. "It's not -- I mean, I appreciate it, but..."

"It's fine," Merlin reassured him.

Arthur shrugged and pulled out his mobile. "Anyway, I came over to get Gwen's number from you. Gwaine was asking for it."

"You're kidding! Holy shit -- Gwen's going to lose her mind."

"Uh... well, I don't want that to happen..."

Merlin grinned and grabbed his mobile, scrolling through his contact list. "No, I mean she's going to be thrilled. She was furious she didn't get to dance with him on Saturday." He handed Arthur his mobile with Gwen's number on the screen.

"Saturday," Arthur said blankly as he added Gwen's number to his mobile.

"Yeah, he -- he didn't mention? He was at the Unicorn with his sister and we... ran into each other."

Arthur kept his eyes on his mobile. "Oh. Yeah, he mentioned it." He handed Merlin's mobile back and turned to leave. "Well, I should go get dinner."

"You should come sometime," Merlin said quietly when Arthur was out in the hall.

"What?" Arthur glanced over his shoulder.

"To the Unicorn. You should come. It's... well, it's small and it smells bad, but there are tons of gorgeous blokes to dance with."

Arthur shook his head and opened his door quickly. "Yeah, sorry. That's never going to happen."

"But Gwaine was there," Merlin said, frowning slightly. "No one noticed him or cared at all."

"It's different for me," Arthur said shortly. "I'm sure it's great fun but I'm never going to be able to just waltz into the Unicorn, all right? I'll see you later." He ducked into his flat and closed the door before Merlin could respond.

  
**~~~**   


The next night, Merlin stood nervously outside Arthur's door, waiting for it to open. He was sure he had been knocking and waiting for at least a minute, and he couldn't decide if he was still out in the hall because Arthur wasn't home or because Arthur was avoiding him due to the previous night. 

After another thirty seconds, Merlin turned to go back to his own flat, but the door clicked open behind him before he got inside.

"Sorry," Arthur said, motioning for Merlin to come in. "I was just about to get in the shower and I had to throw my clothes back on."

Merlin took in the way that Arthur's shirt was ridden halfway up his front, nicely exposing his abs. Arthur pulled it down and Merlin looked back up at Arthur's face, smiling guiltily.

"Um. I just wanted to see if you'd given Gwaine Gwen's number. I told her that he was asking for it and she's been texting me all day about when I think he'll call."

Arthur smiled knowingly. "Yeah, I gave it to him. It sounded like he was going to call her tonight, but maybe he didn't. I don't know."

"There's still time." Merlin glanced around Arthur's flat, hoping for another glimpse of Matilda. "Where's your cat?" he asked when he realised they had been standing together in silence for a few seconds too long.

"Oh." Arthur glanced around, shrugging. "Probably hiding somewhere."

"How long have you had her?"

"Almost ten years. She was a birthday present from Morgana, actually. I got her just after I joined the first-team."

"I don't know what that means," Merlin admitted. "But she's a cute cat."

"It's the main team, basically," Arthur explained. "There's the reserve team and the youth team... and the main team."

Merlin nodded, trying to guess what a reserve team might be.

"You don't understand a word I'm saying, do you?" Arthur teased.

"Sorry. I am trying."

Arthur shrugged and started moving toward the kitchen. "Don't worry about it. I doubt I'd understand much about your work, either. I'll fill her food bowl up. That usually coaxes her out of hiding."

When Arthur was out of sight, Merlin started checking under the furniture to see if Matilda was hiding. She wasn't under the couch or the coffee table, so Merlin stuck his head into the first open room he came across.

There was a treadmill and a weightlifting machine that Merlin was sure he'd seen infomercials for at four o'clock in the morning. On the opposite side of the room, in front of a cupboard with sliding doors, were some mats and a large exercise ball. The cupboard door was open just slightly, and Merlin could see the corner of what looked like a cat bed inside.

He rolled the exercise ball carefully over to the door, sat on it gently, and pushed open the cupboard.

The cat bed was empty, but sitting next to it on a low shelf was a large and expensive-looking camera. Merlin picked it up curiously. It had an extremely long and wide zoom lens attached to its front. He turned on the camera, held up to his eye, and started turning the knobs on the lens at random, trying to figure out what they all did.

When all he managed to do was make the viewfinder go out of focus several different ways, Merlin lowered the camera and started scrolling through the pictures that were already on it. The first few were of Matilda sleeping in that very cupboard, but the next batch was of what looked to be a random football game in the nearby park. Merlin even recognised some of the players because he had seen them playing there before.

The photos were good -- the framing was nice, the action was perfectly focused, even the mid-day lighting was used to its full advantage.

"Merlin?"

Arthur's voice rang through the flat and Merlin nearly dropped the camera in surprise. He had completely forgotten where he was and whose pictures he was looking through.

"I'm--" Merlin tried stashing the camera back into the cupboard, but Arthur walked in before he could manage it.

"That's -- what are you doing?"

Merlin stood, the exercise ball rolling away and crashing loudly into the weightlifting machine.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "I was just -- I noticed the cat bed and I thought maybe she was in here."

"You looked at my camera?" Arthur asked, his voice strangled and his face tense and red.

"I'm really sorry," Merlin said again, stepping away from the cupboard. "I didn't realise it was private."

"It's fucking hidden in a cupboard!" Arthur barked.

Merlin flinched. "Arthur--"

Matilda sauntered casually into the room, meowed loudly at Merlin, and wandered over to rub against his legs.

Arthur watched his cat for a moment, his shoulders slumping and his tight expression falling away.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"I'm sorry," Merlin insisted. "I shouldn't have touched it. I was just curious."

Arthur shrugged and leant heavily against the door frame. "It's fine. It's -- it shouldn't be a big deal. It's just a camera."

"But?"

Arthur took a deep breath and moved forward, his hand outstretched. Merlin handed him the camera.

"But no one's ever seen those pictures before. Not even my teammates and I take pictures of them all the time. They... they know about it, obviously, but I don't think they realise..."

"How good you are?"

To Merlin's surprise, Arthur blushed.

"Oh. I'm not--"

"No, you are," Merlin said firmly. "I mean, I'm not an expert or anything, but... these are really good."

Arthur smiled slightly, not quite meeting Merlin's gaze. "Thank you."

There was a moment of silence and Arthur held the camera protectively in both hands, clutching it to his middle and staring down at it.

"I didn't have any friends before uni," Merlin blurted out, the words leaving his mouth before he had even entirely decided on saying them.

Arthur's head snapped up. "What?"

"I didn't have any friends. When I was growing up... I was a bit, um... different. I didn't talk much to other people... I had really massive ears... I was sort of, um... well, I was fond of glitter. I still am, obviously."

Merlin gave Arthur a self-conscious smile and was relieved to see Arthur return it.

"Mostly I stayed at home with my mum and read books. I studied French... like, hard-core studied French from the time I was seven years old. I've been fluent for longer than I can remember, but I didn't let anyone know until I went to college. I tried to make friends there, but it was still the same arses I'd grown up with. They still thought I was a loser."

"I'm sorry," Arthur said quietly.

"It is _so_ not your fault," Merlin teased. "Anyway, it's all right. I met Gwen at uni and the rest is sort of history. Plus, I finally got laid and that makes everything better."

Arthur chuckled quietly. "Yeah."

Merlin smiled and bent down to pick up Matilda. She squirmed for a moment, but then relaxed against his shoulder and purred as he petted her.

"The football players at my school were the worst bit, though. Everyone knew I was a huge gay nerd, but they were the only ones who bothered me about it. They made my formative years rather hellish."

"I'm sorry," Arthur said again.

"Still not your fault. I just wanted to give you an answer... since you asked all that time ago. Are we even now?"

"Even?" Arthur crossed the room and reached out to scratch between Matilda's ears. She closed her eyes happily and snuggled against Merlin's neck.

"I found out about your secret photos and you found out how much of a friendless loser I was until I went off to uni."

Arthur shrugged with one shoulder. "This probably isn't much of a shock to you, but I don't have many friends, either. I have my team and... well, most of us get along and some of the guys will probably be, you know, mates for life, but... other than that, it's pretty much just my sister. Well, and you and your friends, too, maybe."  
"Definitely," Merlin corrected. "And, listen, I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have pushed it. I really have no idea what it's like for you and I'll try to be more understanding."

"Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have snapped. I've had a long week."

Matilda wiggled and jumped out of Merlin's arms suddenly, making her way to the kitchen to have her dinner.

"I should eat, too," Merlin said, leaving Arthur's gym and heading to the door. "Sorry to distract you from your shower."

"It was a nice distraction," Arthur said quietly. "Thanks for... you didn't have to tell me all that."

"That's what friends do," Merlin said simply. He moved forward for a one-armed hug and Arthur tensed for a moment before relaxing into it. Arthur's arm curled around Merlin's lower back and Merlin breathed deeply, taking in the faded scent of sweat and dirt from Arthur's daily training. Arthur was warm and solid against him and Merlin had to force himself to step back.

"We should go out tomorrow," he said, trying not to show how surprised he was to see how flushed Arthur was from the hug. He imagined that Arthur didn't often get touched in such a friendly way by gay men -- or any men. "I get home from yoga around 8:30. Do you want to meet at the Dragon for dinner and drinks around 9 or 9:15?"

"Yeah," Arthur said vaguely, his eyes wide. "Yeah, that -- that works for me."

"Good." Merlin shot Arthur a grin before letting himself out and retreating back across the hall.

  
**~~~**   


Merlin was chatting drunkenly about his work and Arthur couldn't stop staring at him. Merlin was captivating with his bright eyes and his pink ears and his full lips. He spoke with his hands, making small movements with his long fingers and wider, sweeping gestures that seemed to involve his whole body. 

Merlin was so clearly interested and passionate about his work, and even though Arthur didn't understand most of what he was saying, it was fascinating. Well, Arthur imagined that it was fascinating. It must at least be mildly interesting, otherwise Merlin wouldn't care so much about it.

Arthur rolled Merlin's words from the previous night around in his head -- _huge gay nerd_. It was definitely fitting, but Merlin was much more than that. He was incredibly intelligent and passionate and thin, but fit as hell, and definitely sexy.

"In the end, Freya had to spend the whole afternoon reading through 18th century erotic _recipes_ ," Merlin said, wrapping up a long story that Arthur had only caught half of. "It was, without a doubt, one of the most ridiculous days I've ever spent at the archives. Don't tell my boss, but Freya and I photocopied a bunch of the recipes and tried them out the next weekend."

"Did they work?" Arthur asked.

"Of course not," Merlin said with a laugh. "Although, I don't think it helped that we tried to make them all vegan. No offense to Freya, but vegan aphrodisiacs aren't that sexy."

"Are you sure it wasn't the gay/lesbian thing that was the problem?"

Merlin grinned and winked goofily. "Well, that too."

Arthur laughed and motioned for Kilian to give them another round. Arthur was drinking the strongest whiskey sours he'd ever had, and Merlin was drinking some horrible neon blue thing that Arthur had spent at least 5 minutes making fun of.

Kilian served their cocktails with a knowing, almost teasing look that made Arthur hot all over. He hid his face under the pretence of sipping his drink.

Not for the first time that night, Arthur wished that he and Merlin were drinking in the privacy of one of their flats. He didn't mind the other patrons recognising him; he had been there enough times that most of the regulars were used to his presence. But he did mind the looks Kilian was giving them. They got worse and worse with each round of drinks, and Arthur wasn't sure how much more he could take. He knew he was flirting with Merlin, but he had at least hoped that it wouldn't be obvious to anyone else. Apparently Kilian was too clever to miss it, even though he was swamped with filling the endless drink orders of the Friday night crowd.

"Do you think Gwen's enjoying herself?" he asked when he came back up from his drink."

Merlin shrugged. "I can't imagine she wouldn't enjoy herself. She called me during lunch and spent 20 straight minutes talking about the dress she wanted to wear."

"That's... a lot of minutes," Arthur said, his mind a bit too groggy from the whiskey to come up with a better comeback.

Merlin laughed and Arthur joined in, unable to resist.

"Oh -- sorry." Merlin pulled out his mobile and shot Arthur an apologetic look as he answered a call.

Arthur went back to his drink, tuned out Merlin's conversation, and focused on the large telly that was playing some crap reality show behind the bar.

"That was Gwen," Merlin said, hanging up. "She's drunk and she wants to come over."

"She's not still with Gwaine?" Arthur asked, not bothering to be tactful about hiding his surprise. Gwaine was infamous amongst their teammates for sleeping with girls faster than almost anyone else.

"No, she said she got too drunk to deal with it, so she made an excuse and left." Merlin shrugged and pocketed his mobile again. "She does that when she's really nervous. Her cab's close, so I'm going to stand outside and make sure she doesn't hurt herself trying to get into our building."

Arthur knocked back the rest of his whiskey sour, shuddered, and got to his feet to follow Merlin to the door. Merlin waved at Kilian before leaving and Arthur glanced over his should just in time to see Kilian give Merlin a massive, obvious wink.

Thankfully, Merlin seemed to be too drunk to notice or care that Arthur was blushing so much. They walked the short distance back to their building and loitered rather suspiciously next to one of the large potted plants that sat on either side of the main entrance.

Merlin looked too good for Arthur to handle in such a drunken state; he was grinning from huge ear to huge ear and he was flushed from all the alcohol, but it suited him. His hair was a mess and he looked fucked out; Arthur knew he had to say something to distract himself before he did something really stupid. He blurted out the first thing that popped into his mind.

"These flats are really expensive. Do you -- no offense -- does archiving pay really well?"

Merlin shook his head. "Fuck no. I inherited that flat from my uncle. And all of his money. He was a doctor -- a really good one, apparently. He called my mum right before he died and asked if he could leave her some money, but she told him to give it all to me. There's no way I'd be able to afford this flat _and_ a doctorate program, otherwise. And I lived and studied in Paris for a few years... that city is horribly expensive."

"So... your mum didn't get any, um, inheritance or anything?"

"She got the satisfaction of knowing that her only son would never have to worry about money, no matter how shitty his job is." Merlin rolled his eyes. "That's a direct quote. Well, more or less."

"Where is your mum?"

"Ealdor. It's... it's a small town. She grew up there. _I_ grew up there, but I couldn't stay. What about you, where's your mum?"

"Oh, she -- she passed away, um, during childbirth. Mine -- my childbirth."

Before Arthur knew what was happening, Merlin had flung himself on Arthur in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Merlin's breath poured hot over Arthur's skin, and he tried not to shiver but he couldn't help it. All the hairs on the back of his neck were standing up and Merlin's whole face was pressed against him, breathing him in.

Arthur moved his hands uncertainly to Merlin's waist.

"Stop humping each other and help me out of this cab!"

Arthur opened his eyes -- when had he closed them? -- and saw Gwen sitting on the edge of the backseat of the cab, waiting for one of them to help her out of it.

Merlin let go of Arthur and quickly turned away to get Gwen. Once the cabbie was paid and all three of them were safely on the pavement, Arthur led the way into the building and up to Merlin's flat.

"Can we watch hospital sex?" Gwen asked, kicking her shoes off in the hallway while Merlin unlocked his door.

"Is that some sort of porno?" Arthur picked up Gwen's shoes and guided her inside. He set her down on the sofa and placed her shoes by the door.

"Go get in my bed," Merlin said as he opened his bedroom door. "I'll set up the DVD in a minute. We're going to get you some water, okay?"

Gwen nodded and held up her hands, so Arthur pulled her off the couch. She stumbled toward Merlin's room and Arthur made to follow, but Merlin grabbed his elbow and tugged him toward the kitchen instead.

Arthur pulled out three glasses and started filling them with water. When he turned around, he saw Merlin pouring two double shots of vodka.

"I don't think she needs more to drink," Arthur said cautiously.

Merlin grinned cheekily. "These are for us." He pushed one across the counter to Arthur. "My father died, too. Well, I think he did. I assume he did. I never even knew his name. I was too afraid to ask my mum because she clearly missed him so much. He left before she even knew she was pregnant, but..." Merlin shrugged and lifted up his shot. "Anyway, all families are fucked up. That's why we have friends as well -- to even it out."

Arthur took a deep breath, drank the double shot in one go, and shuddered as it burned his throat. "Fuck," he rasped.

"Water," Merlin said firmly after he'd taken his own shot. "For the rest of the night."

Arthur nodded and tried to balance the three glasses in his hands until Merlin took one, and they made their way to Merlin's room. Gwen was already sprawled out in the middle of the bed. Merlin moved to one side of the bed and Arthur went to the other and set the glasses down on the nightstand.

Gwen shifted up slightly and Arthur sat down next to her and handed her a glass of water. His head was spinning from the vodka and he wondered if he would be able to resist passing out if they were going to lie down and watch a movie.

Merlin turned on his telly, put in a DVD, and came to lie down next to Gwen.

"This is the same show we watched the other week -- the American medical drama," Merlin explained. "Let's spoon."

He rolled over onto his side, facing the telly with his back to Gwen and Arthur. Gwen pushed her glass back at Arthur and lay down behind Merlin, tucking her knees behind his and wrapping her arm around his middle.

"Um," Arthur said blankly, staring down at the cuddling pair.

"Come on." Gwen looked back over her shoulder. "Hospital sex is a lot better if you have someone to cuddle with. And we're _two_ someones."

Arthur set the glass back down and slid over on the bed. He kept a few inches between him and Gwen and put his hand cautiously on her side. His mind was reeling with all of the weird threesomes this situation could lead to, but he couldn't quite work out a way to avoid them. He knew he was too drunk to protest very effectively.

Gwen grabbed Arthur's hand and yanked it across both her and Merlin, forcing Arthur to squeeze in close behind her. She held onto his hand, lacing her fingers with his and holding them against Merlin's chest.

Arthur tried his best to focus on the silly show and not the way his fingers were one twitch away from brushing against Merlin's collar bone, or the way he could feel Merlin's heartbeat echoing in his palm, or the way Merlin covered his and Gwen's hands with one of his own fifteen minutes into the first episode.

They had all had too much to drink to pay close attention to the show, so Merlin and Gwen talked over most of it, trying to explain the complicated relationships and dynamics between all of the characters on the show. Arthur pretended to be interested, but the truth was that he didn't care about the show any more now than he had the first time he had watched it with them.

Halfway through the second episode, Gwen pulled her hand out from between Arthur and Merlin's and shimmied her way under Arthur's arm to the bottom of the bed.

"I have to pee," she explained when Arthur and Merlin turned to look at her in confusion. "I'll be back in a minute."

Merlin put his head back on the pillow and carried on watching the show, but Arthur was completely frozen. Gwen had left and now there were only a few inches separating him and Merlin. Merlin's hand was still on his, their fingers tangled together.

Arthur took a deep breath and tried not to think about it. He tried not to think about the hug they had shared earlier that night, or the hug they had shared on the day that Merlin had found his camera.

Merlin's fingers brushed over his thumb ring and Arthur pressed his lips tightly together, only barely holding back a gasp. Every hair on his arm prickled with heat and as Merlin twirled the ring slowly around Arthur's thumb, he was mortified to feel his cock stirring in response. It felt good and far too intimate; Arthur had to fight not to pull his hand away. He knew that would only draw attention to how his body was reacting.

"In the next series, that doctor becomes a lesbian," Merlin said quietly.

Arthur moved his gaze to the telly and tried to focus again, but after another moment, Merlin let go of his hand and turned over. Arthur's hand landed on Merlin's side, right between his shirt and his jeans where his soft, warm skin was exposed.

Arthur's fingers flexed automatically around the curve of Merlin's hip and Merlin smiled.

"I'm..." Arthur licked his lips, no more words coming to mind. Merlin's eyes were dark and full of intent, and Arthur couldn't look away. He could only hope that Merlin wouldn't look down and notice the way his half-hard cock was probably tenting his jeans.

Merlin put his own hand on Arthur's waist for a moment, then slid it up Arthur's side and down over Arthur's jaw.

Arthur could hear his pulse pounding in his ears and now there was nothing half about his erection. It was uncomfortably trapped and it was aching to be touched. His stomach was turning with nerves and _want_ and he wondered if he was about to be sick all over Merlin's bed.

Merlin's hand lingered on Arthur's neck for a moment before he moved it back up and brushed his thumb back and forth over Arthur's lower lip.

"What'd I -- oh. Um..."

Arthur sat up quickly at Gwen's voice, pulling away from Merlin and staring down at his feet. He knew they must both be staring at him -- and probably noticing the bulge in his jeans -- but he couldn't bring himself to look at either of them.

"I am a very hungry Merlin," Merlin declared, jumping to his feet. "Who wants to raid the fridge with me?"

"Me!" Gwen followed Merlin out of the room, leaving Arthur alone.

He thought about sneaking out while they were eating and going across the hall to hide under his covers or at least have a wank, but he didn't want to look pathetic or scared. Besides, Merlin was just as drunk as him, and this wasn't the first time Merlin had done something overly affectionate because of alcohol. Maybe Merlin was just a touchy-feely kind of person. He certainly hadn't played with Arthur's thumb ring to purposely get Arthur hard. Arthur could deal with drunken affection. At least, he could pretend that he could deal with it.

Arthur got off the bed, adjusted himself as best he could, and made his way to the kitchen. Merlin and Gwen were sitting on the floor and eating crisps out of a bag. Arthur joined them, ready to be drunk and stupid and not worry too much about the consequences of either of those things.

  
**~~~**   


Merlin closed his eyes and pictured himself on his knees in front of a faceless but large and muscular man. He imagined running his hands over huge thighs, leaning forward to drag his tongue across the defined dip between hip bone and groin. He licked his lips, practically tasting the sweaty skin he was fantasizing about. 

"PENDRAGON SCORES AGAIN!"

Merlin's eyes snapped open and landed on the telly in his bedroom in time to see the goal being replayed from several different camera angles. Arthur had leapt into the air, flung his right leg up, and kicked the ball halfway through what looked like a backflip. His shorts bunched up near his hips as he fell onto his side, and all but the last few inches of his thighs were exposed.

Arthur rolled to his feet, his fists pumping the air in celebration, and his shorts stayed bunched up as he ran over to Lance.

Merlin gripped his cock a little tighter as he stroked it and watched the goal being replayed over and over again. He blocked out the worshipful commentary of the station announcers and focused on Arthur's sweaty blond hair and wide lips and massive thighs.

Lance jumped onto Arthur's back, his arms wrapping tightly around Arthur's neck as he cheered. Arthur laughed and staggered sideways. They fell and rolled together, landing with their arms around each other and neither of their shorts doing anything to hide their legs.

Merlin let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes again.

This time, he imagined himself kneeling in front of Arthur.

  
**~~~**   


Arthur had been eating out for almost every meal over the past four days. He didn't trust himself enough to eat on his own, so he forced himself to go out in public. With other people around him, he either had to eat or face awkward questions. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his eating habits with strangers, so he always ordered large portions and made himself eat as much as he could handle. 

So far, the strategy was working. No one on his team seemed to noticed that he was struggling, and he didn't feel anywhere near as weak as he had when he'd hit rock bottom the year before. He was doing really well, considering that he'd cuddled with Merlin on Friday night.

Arthur stuffed a large mouthful of salad into his mouth. He was _not_ thinking about Merlin. He couldn't afford to -- he had to focus on his career and his health.

Unfortunately for him, Merlin came into the Dragon halfway through his meal. He had thought he'd be safe eating here on a Tuesday night, when he knew that Merlin stayed late at work, but apparently there was no escape.

Merlin spotted Arthur quickly, waved, and went up to the bar to order a drink. Arthur hoped that Merlin would stay at the bar, even though he knew it was a pointless wish.

As soon as Merlin had his pint, he made his way to the back of the pub and sat down across from Arthur.

"If I quit school and my job, could I move into your gym cupboard? I could sleep on Matilda's bed. Hell, I'd even eat cat food so you wouldn't have to worry about cooking."

Arthur swallowed quickly. "Why are you thinking about quitting your whole life?"

"I have to go back to Wales this weekend," Merlin said mournfully. "I usually only go once every two or three months, but now I have to go twice in the same month. I am so underprepared. They want me to give a follow-up lecture to the one I gave last time, and my advisor wants to meet with me again. Usually I have _weeks_ to prepare myself for this shit, but this time I only have a few days. I feel like pulling out my fucking hair."

Merlin punctuated his rant by taking several large gulps of his beer.

Arthur pushed his plate of chips across the table and Merlin took one gratefully.

"You'll be fine," Arthur said reassuringly. "I say that knowing nothing of what goes into giving lectures or meeting with advisors, but you're one of the smartest men I've ever met and you have two degrees already, so... you'll be fine."

Merlin ate another chip. "I guess," he mumbled. "It's just really stressful. But I have to get everything done -- I don't have a choice -- and that means skipping yoga tomorrow and Friday, and _that_ means being even _more_ stressed out."

"Can you find a lunchtime yoga class or something?"

Merlin shook his head. "No, my lunch breaks aren't that long. It's -- it's fine. It'll be fine, like you said. I just need to get all the freaking out done now so I'm not distracted by it later."

Arthur grinned. "Then by all means, keep ranting."

Merlin sighed and picked up a few more chips. He bit off all their ends at once and chewed thoughtfully, staring down at the plate.

"Sometimes I think I should have just quit after one degree. Or two."

"But then you wouldn't be able to get your dream job," Arthur reminded him sensibly. "We all make sacrifices to get what we want."

Merlin looked up to meet Arthur's gaze and Arthur flushed. They both knew what he had sacrificed to have his career.

"You're right," Merlin said after a few seconds. "This is what I want and I really wouldn't have it any other way. I only wish I'd been given a bit more time, but... I guess I'll just have to make do with the time I have."

Arthur nodded and took another bite of his salad, rolling around an idea in his head.

"I have something that might make Wales less stressful for you, if you like," he offered.

Merlin's brow furrowed skeptically. "What's that?"

"Well..." Arthur paused to take a sip of his own beer. "I'm playing there this weekend. I know your other friends won't be there, but if you want I can still get you a ticket. It might not be the worst ever way to spend a Saturday afternoon."

Merlin considered it for a moment and Arthur went back to his salad.

"Actually -- yeah," Merlin said finally. "That sounds great."

Arthur smiled, relieved. "Good. You'll have fun, I promise."

"That's a big promise," Merlin teased. "What if I get knocked unconscious by a stray football?"

Arthur paused, stuck on the absurdity of the suggestion.

"I know that's not actually how the game works," Merlin said, leaning forward. "You can stop looking so offended."

Arthur laughed. "Sorry."

"Do you mind if I eat the rest of these?" Merlin asked, picking up a few more chips. "I haven't had time for dinner yet."

"Please." Arthur nudged the plate closer to Merlin. "Help yourself."

  
**~~~**   


It took Merlin a few awkward minutes to find his seat, but when he finally managed it, he was relieved to see that there was no one else sitting near him -- at least, not yet. He settled himself down and pulled out his mobile, wondering if Arthur was likely to respond to a text so soon before a game. He scrolled through the conversation they had had during his train ride the night before; Merlin had texted Arthur all of the hot celebrity gossip from the cheap and trashy tabloid he'd bought at the train station, and Arthur had responded to each text with a silly fact about himself or one of his teammates. At first, Merlin wasn't sure if they were made-up or not, but after Arthur admitted to having a thing for a former physio, Merlin realised they were all true. 

**From Arthur: Leon once got so drunk that he told everyone he was "nursing a big fat hard one" for Morgana.**

**From Arthur: Gwaine has his cock pierced. Twice.**

**From Arthur: I used to fancy one of the physios that worked for the club last year.**

**From Arthur: Percy's prick is just as big as you would expect it to be.**

**From Arthur: Lance cries at almost every movie.**

"Merlin?"

Merlin looked up from his phone and saw a pretty, dark-haired woman sitting next to him.

"Yes?" he asked, wondering if she was a messenger from Arthur.

"I'm Gwaine's sister," she said, holding out her hand. "Gianna."

Merlin shook it quickly. "Hi, it's good to meet you. Do you travel with the team?"

She smiled brightly. "Not always, but I've never been to Wales before, so I wanted to come. It's nice here. Arthur says you're going to school nearby?"

Merlin started explaining about his Ph.D. program and before he knew it, the game was starting. Gwaine's sister knew a lot about football apparently, and she helped explain all the fouls and different plays. It was a nice change from watching games with Elyan, who was too big of a fan to explain things in a patient way; usually he just shouted a few hurried words and assumed that Merlin would know exactly what he was talking about. Gianna managed to make the game interesting and understandable, so much so that Merlin was able to recognise one of the fouls before the referee even blew his whistle.

Camelot won easily with three goals -- scored by Lance, Arthur, and Leon -- and the game was over much quicker than Merlin had anticipated. Gianna led him out of the seating area and, after speaking with several security guards, into a deserted hallway. Merlin wondered if they were lost, but then a door opened and half of the team poured out a tiny locker room.

Arthur and Gwaine spotted them immediately and went over to hug them both. Arthur's hug was short but tight, and it left them both grinning.

"You shaved," Arthur said, tilting his head and examining Merlin's face.

"Oh." Merlin reached up and stroked his smooth jaw. "Yeah. I figured I should look a little more put-together for my lecture. Anyway, you were brilliant," Merlin said admiringly. "That was an amazing volley."

Arthur's eyes widened. "Volley?"

Merlin shrugged happily at Arthur's pleasantly surprised expression. "Gianna taught me a few new words."

Arthur laughed and gripped Merlin's shoulder tightly. "Thanks for coming, mate. I know you're really busy--"

"I had an amazing time," Merlin said truthfully. "It was just the stress reliever I needed after working my arse off all week."

"Merlin!" Lance came over and shook Merlin's hand. "I didn't know you were coming. Here, come meet the rest of the team."

Merlin tried to protest, but Gwaine and Lance dragged him around until he had met all of the other players. Most of them were polite and friendly, especially Leon, who shook Merlin's hand at least three times and kept saying that he'd heard a lot about Merlin. Merlin wasn't sure if that was true or not, but he appreciated Arthur's teammates going out of their way to make him feel welcome. The only one who didn't seem interested in meeting him was a large bloke named Valiant. He simply nodded when Lance introduced them and went off to talk to someone else without even shaking Merlin's hand.

When they had finally completed the full circuit and reached Arthur again, Lance and Gwaine took Merlin back to where Arthur was still standing with Gianna.

"Sorry," Arthur said, rolling his eyes. "That was unnecessary."

"It was fine," Merlin insisted. "You have a very nice team."

Arthur tossed his head back with laughter, and Merlin couldn't help but admire his beautiful smile, or his perfect jawline, or his bobbing Adam's apple. There was no pretending that Arthur wasn't sweaty and exhausted after the game, but it was a surprisingly good look on him. He was practically beaming from the win and Merlin couldn't help but be affected by his bright, happy eyes and breathtaking grin.

"Do you want to come out with us?" Lance asked, a knowing smile on his face. "I think we're going for a bit of food and some celebratory beer. You're welcome to join us."

Merlin glanced at Arthur, who was suddenly frowning and pretending to be interested in his mobile.

"I'd better not," Merlin said politely, honestly glad for an excuse. Arthur's teammates might have been friendly, but they were all still football players and he wasn't sure he was up for going out with so many of them just yet. "I have to get back to my hotel and work on some things."

Lance looked slightly confused, but Merlin said a quick thanks for the invitation and excused himself without explanation.

"I'll see you back in London?" he asked Arthur.

Arthur looked up from his mobile and gave Merlin a small smile. "Yeah. See you in London."

Merlin waved and backtracked the way he and Gianna had come until he figured out how to leave the stadium and hail a cab back to his hotel room.

  
**~~~**   


Arthur knew he shouldn't get drunk. He'd been drinking too much this season and he had to get up early, anyway. The team was returning to London in the morning and George kept a very tight schedule. 

He knew he shouldn't get drunk, but that didn't change the fact that he desperately wanted to. Getting drunk in the small hotel restaurant was much more appealing than going up to his room and crawling into the unfamiliar bed alone. He wanted to put off that moment for as long as possible.

His mobile was on the table next to his beer, mocking him with its empty black screen. He tapped his thumb ring on it, trying to coax it to life, preferably with a call from Merlin. There wasn't anyone else Arthur wanted to see right then, except maybe Matilda.

Not for the first time, Arthur wished that he could travel with his cat. She was prickly and elusive, but she was his and she was soft and comforting.

"There you are."

Arthur looked up and saw Lance making his way across the room, toward the small table in the back corner where Arthur had been hiding for the last hour.

"Leon rented some stupid movie," Lance said when he'd reached Arthur. "Do you want to come watch it with us?"

Arthur shook his head and picked up his pint. He took a long drink, hoping that Lance would take it as a sign that he didn't want to be bothered.

Lance pulled out the chair opposite Arthur and sat down. "Are you all right?"

Arthur shrugged. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, but you don't look all right."

Arthur forced a smile, but Lance continued to look unconvinced.

"You're doing a really good job," he said quietly. Arthur looked down at his mobile. "I know George and Uther are being hard on you this year, but I've got no complaints. Your game is as good as it's ever been and you've been an excellent leader so far."

"Thanks," Arthur said, mostly to keep Lance from saying anything more.

"I can see you don't believe me, but I'm not lying," Lance said firmly.

"I believe you," Arthur lied. "I'm just -- I'm just tired."

Lance frowned in concern and Arthur went back to his beer. They sat in silence for a few minutes until the bartender came over to ask if Lance wanted anything. Lance ordered water and when it arrived, Arthur ordered another pint.

"How many have you had?" Lance asked, watching the bartender walk away again.

"Two, so far."

Lance nodded and stirred his straw around in his glass of water. "So... did Merlin come all the way out here just to watch you play?"

"No," Arthur said quickly. "He's here for school."

"School? Uni?"

"He's getting his Ph.D. somewhere around here," Arthur explained. He kept his eyes on the bar and watched the bartender filling up a new glass for him. "Information Studies or... something like that."

"He sounds smart," Lance said, clearly impressed.

The bartender returned with Arthur's pint and Arthur sipped at the head before responding. "Yeah, he's... he's really smart."

"Are you sure you're all right?" Lance asked quietly. "You seem upset or distracted or something. You don't seem like yourself."

"I told you -- I'm just tired."

Lance nodded and another long moment passed by in silence.

"Can I offer you some friendly advice?"

Arthur shrugged and leant back in his chair. "I guess."

Lance narrowed his eyes slightly, giving Arthur a hard, determined look. "If you want something, you should go for it."

Arthur couldn't help but laugh. "Thanks, mate. That's really solid advice."

Lance smiled shyly. "I just mean... it seems like you'd be a lot happier if you... if you were more honest with yourself."

Arthur gaped, sure his heart had just plummeted into his stomach. "What?" he choked out.

"Look, what I'm trying to say is -- if you want to be with Merlin, don't deny yourself that."

"I -- I don't--" Arthur tried to protest, but he could barely breathe.

"I'm not blind, Arthur," Lance said gently. "And neither is Merlin. And neither are you! Just go for it. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to."

Arthur let out an embarrassing whimper and slumped forward, pressing his forehead into the cool surface of the table.

Lance put a hand on Arthur's shoulder. "I'm sorry to be blunt. I didn't mean to freak you out, but... it really doesn't bother me. And, you know... you're my friend. I hate to see you so unhappy, especially when I know you _could_ be a lot happier."

Arthur sat up and rubbed at his eyes. "Lance, you have no idea what you're talking about."

"Then explain it to me. I mean, I get the secrecy. Trust me, I get it. What I don't get is why you think you have to be alone. You can have what you want without it being public knowledge."

Arthur shrugged and took a large drink of beer, unable to look at Lance.

"I just... I just want you to be happy, Arthur. And it seems really obvious that Merlin would make you happy. He _does_ make you happy, but he could make you even _more_ happy and I don't--"

"Being with Merlin might make me happy," Arthur interrupted, "but I really doubt it would make him happy. He's got a really normal life. Why would he want to be the... the boyfriend of the first gay footballer since fucking Justin Fashanu."

"If you really think you're the first since him, then you're a lot dumber than you look, Pendragon. Anyway, why don't you let Merlin decide for himself what would or would not make him happy."

"I'd rather just order another pint."

"No," Lance said firmly. "I'm officially stepping in and taking control of the situation." He pulled Arthur's half-empty beer across the table and replaced it with his own water. "Drink that and order a coffee -- to go. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go to his damn hotel. You owe this to yourself."

Arthur shook his head and took a long gulp of water.

"I saw the way he looked at you this afternoon." Lance's words were quiet and secretive, and Arthur wanted to hide under the table. "And I saw the way you looked at him when we played Halo."

"I didn't--"

"You _did_ , Arthur. And so did he. Stop pretending you haven't noticed."

Arthur took a deep, steadying breath and another gulp of cold water. Of course he had noticed; how could he not have noticed? Merlin had _touched his lips_. If that wasn't a sign, then Arthur didn't know what was. There were a hundred different reasons for Arthur not wanting to pursue anything with Merlin, but Lance was right; he couldn't keep pretending that he didn't know what was going on. As long as there were signs -- and there were definitely signs -- then there was hope.

"Okay."

Lance grinned triumphantly. "Okay?"

Arthur nodded, trying not to resign himself completely to being rejected. He had to hold onto some hope, or he would lose his mind before he even reached Merlin's hotel.

**~**

Arthur was more or less sober by the time his cab dropped him off at Merlin's hotel. He had snuck another beer in his room while he was changing into clothes that didn't suggest he had spent all day sitting on his couch. Three and half beers wasn't enough to make him so drunk that he wouldn't be thinking about what he was doing, but it also wasn't quite enough to take the edge off, either. 

He was nervous; his hands were shaking from how nervous he was. He could feel the beer sitting in his stomach and a few nightmarish scenes ran though his head, each one ending with him getting sick in the middle of sex with Merlin.

_Sex with Merlin._

Just the thought sent a shiver of nauseating arousal down his spine.

Arthur tried to concentrate on the task at hand, which was figuring a way into the hotel without Merlin.

Merlin hadn't told Arthur the name of his hotel, just the general location. Arthur had had to run a search on his mobile, and called the nearest hotel to check, but they wouldn't give out any information. He'd taken the cab there on a whim, trusting that Merlin hadn't lied or been inaccurate about the location.

The problem now was that Arthur couldn't get into the hotel. The reception desk hadn't been willing to give him information over the phone, so there was no way they were going to let him just walk in and ask for Merlin's room number. The only way he was going to get inside was with Merlin.

"Damn it all to hell," Arthur muttered as his pulled out his mobile and called Merlin.

"Hello?" Merlin answered, sounding slightly confused.

"Hi. Um -- it's Arthur."

"Hi." Merlin sounded like he was holding back a laugh.

"I'm -- look, I was just -- um... I'm outside your hotel. At least, I think I am."

"What?"

"I think I'm outside your hotel. I'm not sure which one is yours but I'm near the junction you mentioned. Can I -- can I come up?"

"Are you really outside?"

Arthur stared in at the reception desk. "I think so."

"All right. Well... I'm come down and check. Hold on."

Merlin ended the call and Arthur pocketed his mobile, hoping he wasn't at the wrong hotel. If he was, there was no way he was going to hunt down the right one. If this was the wrong hotel, then that was clearly a sign that he shouldn't be doing this.

After a nerve-wracking minute of fiddling with his thumb ring, Arthur finally saw Merlin walking through the hotel lobby and heading toward the front doors. He put on a smile and hoped he didn't look as crazed as he felt.

Merlin came out onto the pavement and glanced up at the dark sky.

"So... it's almost midnight and you just... happened to be taking a walk nearby?"

Arthur shook his head. "I -- no, I -- I took a cab."

Merlin's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"Yeah. Can I come up?"

"Oh, right. Sure." Merlin led the way back into the hotel and up to his room. They took the stairs to the third floor, which Arthur was grateful for because it saved them from an awkward lift ride.

Merlin's room was nicely sized, with a large bed and a small desk next to the telly. Merlin had books and paperwork spread out all over the desk, and Arthur ran his fingers over it.

"Am I interrupting?" he asked, keeping his eyes on the notebook he was touching.

"No, I'm done for the night. I was just going to find a crap movie to watch and go to bed."

"You're going to bed? I can leave, if you want."

"You just got here." Merlin stepped closer and Arthur could feel Merlin's eyes boring into him, but he refused to look up. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Arthur said quietly. "I just... wanted to say thank you."

"For what?"

"For coming to my game." Arthur forced himself to meet Merlin's concerned gaze. "I'm really glad you came."

Merlin smiled and his expression softened as his eyes crinkled around the edges. "I'm glad I came, too. I had fun. Gwaine's sister was really--"

Arthur cut Merlin off with a kiss. It was too hard and their teeth knocked together because Merlin's mouth was open in mid-sentence, but it was done. Arthur had done it.

When Arthur pulled back, he studied Merlin's face for a signs of relief or offense or anything. Merlin just looked surprised and maybe a little worried and scared. Arthur swallowed a lump of nerves, wondering if he'd been wrong, if he'd misread all those signs. Maybe Merlin didn't want him. Maybe Merlin was just a friendly gay man who liked flirting with footballers for the rebellious fun of it. Maybe Arthur was making a complete and utter fool of himself.

"Is that it?" Merlin asked, his lips curving into a tiny, soft, private smile.

Arthur struggled to take a deep breath and the loud rasping sound cut through the room. Maybe Merlin _did_ want this. Maybe he wanted this just as much as Arthur. Maybe that was why he had looked scared and worried. Maybe Arthur wasn't the only one who was nervous.

Arthur shook his head and moved in for another kiss. This time, Merlin's lips were ready; they were soft and gentle at first, but as Arthur inched closer and let his hands drift up to Merlin's shirt, they turned more desperate. Arthur clutched at the sides of Merlin's shirt, wanting to touch Merlin's skin but not sure if he should or if it was too soon or even if Merlin would want that, too.

Merlin's gripped Arthur's biceps and Arthur tried to catch his breath, but Merlin's kiss was relentless and Arthur had no choice but to breathe into it. Arthur moved his hands from Merlin's shirt to Merlin's neck to Merlin's hair, trying to ground himself. He felt like he was flying and falling at the same time, with the room spinning around him and the floor dropping off below and the ceiling lifting clear off the building. He was lightheaded from the newness and intensity of it all and his body was tingling and itching for more. It had been so long since Arthur had had something like this -- so long, in fact, that he wasn't sure he'd ever had it in the first place. Kissing Merlin was _brilliant_.

Merlin crowded Arthur against the wall, his hands skirting down Arthur's side until they slipped under Arthur's shirt. Arthur gasped and arched closer, immediately mirroring the action and finally getting his hands on Merlin's waist. He could feel Merlin's half-hard cock pressed against his and the proof that Merlin wanted this as much as he did was dizzying.

"You taste like you might be drunk," Merlin said when he finally pulled back.

"I'm not," Arthur said quickly, unable to tear his gaze from Merlin's red, wet lips.

"I don't want to do this if you're going to regret it."

"I'm not -- I won't." He looked up to meet Merlin's gaze and the intensity of it made him slightly breathless. "God, I've wanted this for weeks." Arthur trailed his fingers down to the fly of Merlin's jeans. "I promise I'm not drunk." It came out as a plea but Arthur couldn't find it in himself to be embarrassed.

Merlin grinned and leant in to kiss and nip at Arthur's neck.

Arthur fumbled with Merlin's jeans -- his hands were still shaking -- but after a minute, Merlin managed to wiggle out of them.

"Bed," Merlin rasped when Arthur palmed his erection through his pants.

Arthur nodded, his heart pounding in his throat, and walked Merlin over to the bed. Merlin sat down on the side and took off his shirt, which left him only in his briefs. The tattoo on his side was huge and it stretched from the top of his hip to the top of his ribs, and it curved around to cover some of his front and back. It was a large, branchy tree with a wide trunk and only a few leaves. Arthur leant closer and saw that the leaves were outlined in tiny words -- French words.

Arthur tried not to stare at the tattoo as he shed his own clothes as quickly as he could manage. When he was down to his pants, Merlin reached out and gently held Arthur's hands in his own.

"You're shaking," he said quietly.

"Sorry," Arthur stammered. "I was really nervous about this."

Merlin smiled and curled a hand around Arthur's neck to pull him down for a kiss. "Are you still nervous?"

"No. Well, maybe," Arthur admitted. "I'm not, um... entirely sure how to do... this."

Merlin considered that for a moment and Arthur wondered if he was going to back out of it, but after a few seconds, Merlin leant forward and mouthed Arthur's cock through his pants.

"Merlin," Arthur said on a sigh, his hands moving to Merlin's shoulders.

"You're so hard," Merlin muttered against Arthur's hip.

Arthur let out a chuckle, not sure how to respond. "Um, thanks? You too?"

Merlin shook his head and slid his fingers beneath the elastic waistband of Arthur's pants. Arthur held his breath and Merlin looked up at him. Their eyes locked as Merlin dragged Arthur's pants to the floor, and then Arthur was standing naked in front of him.

"No, I mean--" Merlin licked from the base to the tip of Arthur's cock and Arthur gasped as his legs trembled. "You are really _rock_ hard."

Arthur gulped and gripped Merlin's shoulders tighter, trying not to lose his balance as Merlin started licking him again.

"I'm really -- _fuck_ \-- turned on," Arthur tried to explain. The words weren't nearly enough to account for the fact that he had _never_ been so hard before, but Arthur couldn't bring himself to tell about all the things that were making up his overpowering arousal.

"I can see that," Merlin teased. He lifted himself off the bed a little and removed his own pants quickly.

Arthur stared shamelessly at Merlin's long cock. It was thicker than he had imagined it to be, and he found that he really wanted to taste it.

Merlin stood and pushed Arthur against the wall near the head of the bed. He ducked down to tease Arthur's nipple piercing with his tongue and Arthur moaned, barely able to keep standing. Arthur wanted to shove Merlin down on the bed and fuck him mercilessly until they both passed out, but he couldn't get his limbs to listen to his brain. He simply slumped against the wall and petted the back of Merlin's head as Merlin's teeth raked over the barbell in his nipple and heat spread across his whole chest.

Right when Arthur was starting to feel that he might be able to come just from Merlin's tongue teasing him, Merlin straightened up and tugged on Arthur's bottom lip with his teeth. Arthur whimpered pathetically, tightening his grip on Merlin's head.

"Should we try for the bed again?" Merlin asked as his fingers skirted the base of Arthur's straining cock.

Arthur nodded and let Merlin peel him off the wall and turn him around. He sat heavily on the side of the bed until Merlin tried to get on top of him and he had to slide backwards to make room. He landed with his head at the foot of the bed and Merlin crawled onto him in a flash and crushed their lips back together. Their cocks slid against each other and Arthur moaned into Merlin's mouth at the friction, his hips rocking up urgently against Merlin's.

"You feel really good," Merlin murmured, locking his ankles under Arthur's knees. He held the back of Arthur's neck for a moment, then slid his hands in Arthur's hair and pulled just slightly, making Arthur's head tip back.

Merlin kissed Arthur lightly, his tongue pushing in to tease Arthur's. Arthur's hands roamed Merlin's back as they kissed and rutted together. He loved the feel of strong, lean muscles under his hands. He loved the way he could touch each knob of Merlin's spine, and the way Merlin rocked harder against him in response.

When the friction wasn't quite enough and Arthur wanted -- needed -- more, he moved his hands to Merlin's arse and squeezed it, holding Merlin closer as their hips moved together in an increasingly frantic rhythm. Merlin was panting against Arthur's lips, his fingers still tangled in Arthur's hair as they rutted against each other.

The kiss grew desperate and filthy; it felt like Merlin was searching for something and Arthur let him take it all. He surrendered himself to the ungraceful slide of Merlin's tongue against his own, to the harsh thrusts of Merlin's hips, to the strangely gentle circles that Merlin's fingertips were rubbing against the nape of his neck.

[ ](http://achelseabee.livejournal.com/2096.html)

"I'm -- _Merlin_ ," Arthur groaned as one of Merlin's hands snuck between their bodies and wrapped around his cock. Merlin kissed a trail down Arthur's neck and chest and dragged his teeth across Arthur's pierced nipple. Arthur gasped loudly, his body bowing and his back arching off the bed, even with all of Merlin's weight on top of him. Merlin looked up at Arthur through his messy fringe and his long eyelashes, a wicked grin across his red and swollen lips, and Arthur lasted only a few more strokes. 

He came, shaking, with one hand still on Merlin's arse and the other clenched tightly in Merlin's hair, pulling too hard. Merlin stroked him through it until he squirmed and when he was spent and panting, Merlin sat up on his thighs, looking wild.

"You're gorgeous, did you know that?" Merlin asked, dragging his fingers through the come on Arthur's abs.

"I've -- heard it before, yeah." Arthur reached out and stroked Merlin's cock a few times, trying to find an easy rhythm and an angle that wasn't too awkward.

Merlin let out a breathless laugh. "You're so humble."

Arthur ignored the jibe, the blood flow rushing from his spent cock to his face, making him flush. He couldn't take his eyes off Merlin's cock.

"Can I -- I want... can I suck you?"

"Fuck yes." Merlin pushed off Arthur's lap and sat between his feet instead, leaning back against the hotel room wall. He grabbed one of Arthur's ankles and turned it slightly so that he could read the tattoo that curved over it. "Honour?"

Arthur shrugged, too scattered to stop and discuss his tattoos just then, and got to his knees. He leant down but hesitated when he got close enough to lick Merlin's cock, trying to remember a fantasy or a video or _anything_ that could give a hint about how to do this, but his mind was blank. He couldn't even remember more than a few flashes of the other times he'd done this, back when he was barely seventeen.

Merlin shifted and Arthur licked his lips, knowing he would have to do something soon or Merlin would start saying he didn't have to do it. Arthur didn't want to explain that he physically _ached_ to do it, but that he was still new and still nervous and still too turned on to think straight.

Arthur let out a sigh and Merlin's breath hitched as his cock twitched from the warm gust of air. Arthur smiled at the reaction and moved closer, his tongue darting out for a quick lick of the tip of Merlin's cock where beads of precome were gathering and rolling down the length of Merlin's cock to settle on the seam of his balls.

Merlin let out a small, choked noise and Arthur glanced up. Merlin was biting his lower lip roughly and watching Arthur with a needy, slightly desperate look. Arthur's cock throbbed from the knowledge that _he_ was the reason Merlin was so turned on; he was the reason Merlin looked so wrecked and so ready to come.

"Please," Merlin rasped, tangling his fingers in Arthur's hair.

Arthur surged forward and took as much of Merlin's cock into his mouth as he could manage. Merlin gasped and tightened his grip on Arthur's hair enough to make Arthur moan around him.

Merlin's cock was wide and perfect, and Arthur could taste more precome dripping onto his tongue as his mouth bobbed along it. Merlin was panting harshly and gently guiding Arthur's rhythm with his hand on the back of Arthur's head. Arthur found that what he wanted more than anything was to make Merlin moan, but he didn't know how. He did everything he could think of -- licking, sucking, more licking, more sucking -- but the only sounds Merlin continued to make were gasps and sighs.

Arthur pulled off for a moment to catch his breath, replacing his mouth with his hand. He sat up a little, taking in Merlin's beautifully flushed face, and couldn't help but lean forward to kiss Merlin wetly, hoping that Merlin wouldn't care where his mouth had just been. Merlin moaned into the kiss and thrust his hips forward into Arthur's hand, wordlessly pleading for more. Grinning against Merlin's lips, Arthur kept his grip loose and his rhythm slow until Merlin was practically whimpering into his mouth.

Finally taking mercy, Arthur licked his lips and leant back down. He kept his hand around the base of Merlin's cock, stroking it tightly with short jerks, and wrapped his lips around the head. Merlin hummed in pleasure, his hips stuttering slightly as if he were trying to hold back from pushing all the way into Arthur's mouth. Arthur sucked hard around the head of Merlin's cock and Merlin hissed, his hand clenching in Arthur's hair again.

Now that Merlin was finally giving voice to his pleasure, Arthur alternated between sucking and licking the tip of his cock, using his choked-off sounds as guidance until his free hand clasped around Arthur's shoulder in a death grip.

"Arthur," he warned, his voice tight and gravelly.

Arthur held back a groan and sank his mouth down Merlin's cock until his lips hit the top of his hand, which was still wrapped around the base. He worked his throat quickly, pulling and sucking until Merlin let out a broken moan and came down Arthur's throat. Arthur could feel Merlin trembling violently, so he moved his other hand to Merlin's hip, trying to soothe him even as his hips thrust against Arthur's mouth.

"Fuckfuckfuck," Merlin breathed when Arthur pulled off his cock and swallowed the last of his come. "Come here."

He pulled Arthur up and they kissed slowly, the taste of Merlin's release still on Arthur's lips. Arthur caught his breath against Merlin's mouth, his arms curling around Merlin's middle. Merlin pressed a hand to Arthur's chest and Arthur almost pulled back, knowing that Merlin would notice how hard and fast his heart was racing; it felt like he had just been the one to come. Merlin's fingers were soft and comforting as they brushed lightly over Arthur's pounding heart and Arthur gave up on being embarrassed and lost himself in their kiss.

  
**~~~**   


Merlin woke up when the birds outside his window became too loud for his subconscious to ignore. He groaned at their cheery, incessant chirping and tried to get back to sleep, but it was no use. 

He ran over his to-do list for the day in his head, trying to decide what he needed to accomplish first. The notes for his lecture needed finalizing and the notes for his meeting with his advisor needed arranging and polishing. He needed to go to the university library to catch up on some reading and --

Merlin's eyes snapped open and glanced around his bed, looking for signs that the previous night had actually happened and hadn't been a dream. The pillow was on the floor and there was something unfortunate dried and stuck to a few of his chest hairs.

Arthur had definitely come over the night before, slightly drunk and very horny, and they had gotten each other off in this very bed. Merlin was still naked.

But Arthur himself was missing from the scene, along with his clothes.

Merlin flung an arm over his eyes and let out an embarrassingly pathetic and broken sigh. Arthur had been here -- Arthur had had his mouth around Merlin's cock -- but now Arthur was gone. He had left in the middle of the night. He had snuck out like a coward or -- like a famous footballer who couldn't risk being with men.

"I am a complete idiot," Merlin said to the empty room.

He didn't do one-night stands. Or, he tried not to do one-night stands. Mordred had been a recent exception, and there had been men before that, but overall, Merlin preferred relationships; at the very least, he preferred a series of dates. Merlin liked his sex with men he knew and cared for, and unfortunately Arthur was someone that Merlin knew and cared for a great deal. But Arthur clearly didn't want this to be anything more than a quick, unmentioned fumble. Otherwise, he would have stayed until morning, or at least woken Merlin up before leaving.

Maybe he could handle that. He had been fine when it was Mordred; they had simply had sex one night and stayed mates afterwards. Clearly it could be done, and there was no reason not to try with Arthur. Merlin may have wanted more -- a lot more -- but if Arthur didn't, then Merlin would just have to suck it up and deal with it like the adult he was. He could handle rejection and he could handle one-night stands.

The problem was that Arthur wasn't just some bartender who made a good drink and gave good head and played a good game of Monopoly. He was Arthur Pendragon; he was socially awkward in small groups despite being comfortable surrounded by reporters or masses of fans, he was a cat owner, he was both intelligent and obscenely handsome, he was as blond as they came, he had a fucking nipple piercing, he was a secret photographer, and he was somehow everything Merlin had never even realised he wanted.

Arthur was dangerously close to perfect but he was so untouchable that Merlin wanted to laugh. He had been fooling himself to think that Arthur was within reach. The previous night had been a one-off and Merlin knew he should have realised that sooner.

Merlin couldn't afford to stay in bed and mope all day, so he forced himself to sit up and check the time. His mobile was sitting on the nightstand, underneath a note written on hotel stationary.

_Merlin,  
Sorry to run out while you're sleeping, but the team is heading back to London at the crack of dawn and I have to be with them.  
I'm not really sure where to go from here. I've never done this sort of thing before. That's probably not a surprise to you.  
I don't know when you're getting home, but let's wait until then to talk. I think we probably both need a minute to think things over first.  
Call me when you get back to London.  
Sorry again for leaving without saying goodbye. I didn't want to wake you up so early.  
Arthur_

Merlin set the note down and rested his head in his hands.

Maybe Arthur wanted something more than a one-night stand after all.

  
**~~~**   


Arthur paused in the hallway after he locked his door on Thursday morning. He glanced at Merlin's door, but of course there was no indication if Merlin was on the other side or not. The door looked the same as it always had. 

If Merlin was home, he had made no attempt to contact Arthur. And if he wasn't home -- well, maybe he was staying in Wales in order to avoid Arthur all together. There was no proof either way, but Arthur was sick of waiting. His nerves were frazzled and frayed, and he hadn't been eating or sleeping well all week.

Arthur directed an aggravated sigh at Merlin's door before heading off down the hallway. He didn't have time to loiter; he was already late for training.

Unfortunately, the club wasn't the source of relief and distraction it should have been. It was farther from Merlin's flat, so Arthur wasn't spending every second wondering if Merlin was hiding mere metres away. But it wasn't farther from _Lance_ , who was getting harder and harder to avoid as the week wore on.

The trip home from Wales had only been bearable because Arthur had pretended to be asleep the whole way. The past few days of practice had been horrible; Lance was he closest friend, and the person he worked closest with on the pitch, but he had been avoiding Lance all week. It wasn't as though Lance didn't know _exactly_ what was going on, either. Arthur could tell he was trying to be patient, but he was also giving Arthur pointed, meaningful looks every time there was a lull in their training, or when they were mostly alone in the locker rooms, or when Arthur left to go home at the end of the day. Arthur knew he meant well, but that didn't change the fact that Arthur didn't have any answers for him.

This day was no different. Lance went out of his way to train next to Arthur all morning, and by the time the team broke for lunch, Arthur was feeling desperate. He locked himself into the loo and pulled out his mobile, cursing Lance in his head.

He debated phoning Merlin for a brief moment, but lost his nerve and called Gwen instead. He knew it was pathetic, but at least he would be able to get some answers.

Gwen answered her mobile quickly. "Hello, Guinevere Thomas speaking."

"Hi, Gwen," Arthur said quietly, not wanting his voice to echo in the small room. "It's Arthur."

There was a brief pause and then Gwen let out a high-pitched squeak. "Oh! Arthur! Hi, how are you?"

"I'm good. I just have a quick question. Is Merlin back from Wales yet?"

"No, I think he's coming back tomorrow. Why?"

"I... I was just wondering," Arthur muttered.

"Couldn't you have just asked him when he's coming back?"

"Well, I... I didn't want to bother him. I know he's busy. And I wasn't sure... if he was back... or not..." Arthur trailed off, embarrassed that he hadn't come up with a better excuse before he'd made the call.

"Did something... happen?"

"No," Arthur said quickly. "No."

"Okay." Gwen didn't sound convinced. "Do you want to get dinner tonight? I was going to go to the Dragon for a drink after work. Join me?"

"Sure, that's fine."

They set up a time and when they hung up, Arthur set his mobile down and splashed cold water on his face. He didn't entirely believe that Gwen was ignorant of what had happened in Merlin's hotel room, but he hadn't been able to come up with a quick enough excuse not to go to dinner with her. And if she _did_ know more than she let on, maybe Arthur would be able to get some more answers out of her that night -- like whether or not Merlin was staying in Wales so long for school business or for something else entirely.

Arthur spent the afternoon rehearsing subtle-sounding questions in his head. He knew he was obsessing over it and that he should be focusing on football and not this ridiculous situation, but at least it was a good distraction from Lance's intense looks.

However, there was no distraction or escape from Lance when Arthur was trying to leave after training. Lance had given him in space in the locker room, but as soon as Arthur was out of the training ground and heading to his car, Lance was jogging up beside him.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" he asked innocently. "There's a new place around the corner from mine. It just opened up last week -- it's supposed to be good. Interested?"

Arthur smiled politely and continued to his car. "I can't. I have dinner plans."

"With Merlin?" Lance asked pointedly.

"No. With one of Merlin's friends."

"That's... why?"

Arthur shrugged, unlocked his car, and tossed his bag into the back seat. "He's still in Wales, doing... whatever he does. Ph.D. things."

Lance frowned, looking sceptical and concerned.

"Look, if you don't believe me, come to dinner with us. Gwen would love to meet you and she can tell you all about Merlin's school schedule."

"Arthur--"

"What?" Arthur snapped.

Lance sighed and pursed his lips for a second before responding. "I'm just worried about you."

Arthur rolled his eyes and sat heavily in the driver's seat. "Are you coming to dinner or not?"

Lance threw his bag in the back, slammed the door, and walked over to the passenger's side.

The ride was short but silent and by the time they reached the Dragon, both of them were sneaking each other apologetic looks.

"This place is nice," Lance said when they walked in.

Arthur snorted. "No, it's old and cramped."

"Then... why are we here?"

"Because it's close to where I live and they make good drinks. Oh, fuck. Gwen's in the back... her brother's here, too."

"Is that bad?"

"I don't know," Arthur muttered, leading the way.

He waved to Gwen as they approached and Gwen's eyes widened so much that Arthur thought they might pop out. Elyan glanced over his shoulder and his mouth fell open when he saw Lance trailing Arthur.

"Hey," Arthur said when they finally reached the back table. "This is Lance... I hope you don't mind if he joins us. Lance, this is Elyan and Gwen."

Lance shook their hands and sat down in one of the free chairs. Arthur sat down opposite him and before he had a chance to say anything else, someone came over to get their orders.

The dinner was uneventful, as far as Arthur was concerned. Lance and Gwen were too distracted by each other to ask him too many questions about Merlin. They had started making eyes at each other before the food even came, and when it did come they kept eating off each other's plates. Arthur would have found it sickening if it hadn't been so damn sweet.

All he could do was try to ignore it -- because it was something he could never have -- and focus on Elyan, as much as he didn't want to do that. He was worried that Elyan would say something inappropriate -- just as Merlin had warned -- but it turned out to be a needless worry. Elyan chatted easily about his job as a local school coach, asked Arthur a few dozen questions about Arthur's summer camp for underserved wannabe football stars, and expounded on the many strengths of the Camelot team.

It made Arthur remember why he had liked Elyan in the first place; Elyan was a football nerd, just like him and Lance and the rest of their team.

When the food had all been eaten and Gwen and Lance made no sign of wanting to leave, Arthur excused himself to the loo. It was just as filthy as it had been the last time he had been in it -- the night he met Merlin.

Flashes of that night crossed his mind as he relieved himself and washed his hands -- Merlin dragging him down the pavement, Arthur screaming about Elena as he stumbled out of the lift, Merlin trying to make him scrambled eggs, and Arthur telling Merlin to _stop drooling_ over his half-naked body.

Arthur ran his damp hands over his face and sighed. All he wanted was some sort of acknowledgement from Merlin about what had happened, but he wouldn't get that until Merlin returned to London. His own stupid note had made sure of that.

When he went back to the table, Arthur pulled some notes out of his wallet and set them on the table. "I'm heading home for the night. You want a ride?" he asked Lance.

Lance glanced at Gwen and shook his head. "No thanks. I'll grab the tube or something. I think I'll stay for another round."

Arthur nodded, smiling despite his mood, and turned to leave.

"I'm done as well," Elyan said, standing quickly and putting his hand on Arthur's shoulder to stop Arthur from leaving without him.

Arthur waited for Elyan to pay and then led the way out of the Dragon.

"Where do you live?" Arthur asked when they were outside.

"Just a few minutes past you," Elyan said, heading off in the direction of Arthur's building.

Arthur followed a few paces behind Elyan and pulled out his mobile. He pretended to be checking his text messages until they reached the corner and were side-by-side again.

"I don't really know how else to say this, so I'm just going to say it," Elyan started.

"You don't have to," Arthur said quickly as they crossed the street. "Please."

"Arthur, I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted to say that -- I'm here and I understand. I was on a team right up until I started coaching. I know what it's like. Well, I know what it was like for me. I can't honestly imagine what it's like for you, being who you are and feeling like you have to hide it."

Arthur shrugged under the scrutiny of Elyan's fixed stare.

"Clearly you don't want to talk about it right now, and that's fine. But if you ever do want to talk about it, I'm more than willing to listen. I've been where you are -- well, on a smaller scale, anyway -- and I just want to offer any support that I can or that you might need."

They came to a stop at the next corner and Arthur forced himself to look over at Elyan.

"Thanks," he managed. "I... I'll keep that in mind."

Elyan smiled and put a hand on Arthur's shoulder. "I'm going to take the long way home. It was good seeing you. And, you know... just think about what I said. It's a lot easier if you don't insist on going through this shit all by yourself."

Arthur nodded and watched as Elyan turned the corner and walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

Merlin was bored. Train rides to and from Wales were always boring, but this trip in particular was creeping by so slowly that Merlin wondered if his watch had actually stopped.

Gwen had been sending him excited texts all day and most of them were about how nice Lance's lips were, and how good he smelled. Merlin was happy for her -- and a little stunned and jealous that her biggest fantasy had somehow come true while he was still waiting in limbo -- but he could only read so many texts about Lance's perfectly soft hair before he felt like his brain was going to start melting out of his ears.

He opened up the book he was trying to read and immediately got distracted -- for the dozenth time -- by the bookmark. Arthur's note was tucked neatly between the pages, his tiny, messy writing a strange contrast to the perfect type of the book.

  
_Call me when you get back to London._  


There were less than two hours until the train would stop in London.

Merlin took out his mobile and started a new text, but it took him several minutes to figure out exactly what he wanted to say and how to say it, even though it was a simple message.

_This train ride is slowly killing my soul._

He set his phone down on the next seat, on top of Arthur's note, and tried to concentrate on his book.

It took nearly five minutes, but eventually Merlin's mobile beeped with a response.

**From Arthur: I can relate. This has been the longest week of my life.**

Merlin squirmed in his seat. He knew Arthur wasn't trying to be cruel, but he also knew that he was likely entirely responsible for Arthur's long week.

_I'm sorry. Do you want to come over for dinner?_

**From Arthur: Come over to mine. It's my turn to cook.**

_You cook??_

**From Arthur: Of course. I'm CFC's most eligible bachelor. What kind of date would I be if I couldn't even offer toast in the morning?**

_Are you making toast for dinner?_

**From Arthur: No. Chilli?**

_Extra spicy, please. No meat._

**From Arthur: Are. You. Vegetarian.**

_For the most part. I only eat chicken. And a tiny bit of fish now and then._

**From Arthur: What if I make fish chilli?**

_Is that a thing? It sounds horrible._

**From Arthur: It is a thing, actually. I have no desire to make it though. Vegetarian chilli it is. What time?**

_Train gets in at 6. How much time will you need?_

**From Arthur: It'll be ready by 7.**

_I'll be there._

Merlin waited a few minutes for Arthur to respond, but no more texts came. He set his mobile back down on top of the note and went back to his book, but it was no use. He stared at the same page for the rest of the train ride, wondering if this was meant to be a date.

**~**

By the time he got back to his flat, Merlin was more nervous than he had been for a date in years. He was glad that he had another hour to get himself together.

The first thing he did was decide on an outfit; his favourite shirt was dirty so he had to settle for a different one, and his favourite jeans were wrinkled from being haphazardly tossed into his suitcase but he couldn't bring himself to chose another pair. After that was decided, he took a shower to calm his nerves and wash off the smell of traveling all day.

A few minutes after seven o'clock, Merlin was finally knocking on Arthur's door. Arthur opened it after a moment and Merlin was hit with the overpowering, mouth-watering aroma of freshly made chilli.

Arthur smiled shyly and Merlin stifled the urge to hug him.

"Perfect timing. I've just filled up our bowls. Come in." Arthur stepped aside and Merlin entered his flat.

"You cleaned," Merlin said before he could stop himself. It was impossible not to notice, though. There wasn't a single stray magazine or item of clothing to be seen in the living room.

"Yeah, I... well, I got bored," Arthur said quietly.

He led Merlin past the couch to the table that was sitting in front of the large wall-length windows that looked out over London.

"I hate your view," Merlin pouted. "It's so much better than mine."

Arthur grinned. "Yeah, your view is shit."

Merlin nudged Arthur's arm with his elbow and Arthur's face turned slightly pink.

"I'll get the bowls," he said before turning and practically running into the kitchen.

Merlin took a deep breath and sat down at the table. He traced the stripes of Arthur's woven placemats with the tips of his fingers until Arthur came back out with their food.

"This smells insane," Merlin said when Arthur set down a bowl full of chilli in front of him. It was still steaming and there was shredded cheese melting over the top.

"Thanks, I think." Arthur grinned and went back into the kitchen, coming out a minute later with another bowl, this one filled with tortilla chips. He sat across from Merlin and looked down at the meal he had prepared. "Well... I can't claim to be quite at your level of kitchen mastery, but I've been feeding myself for several years and I haven't died yet, so... I hope it's at least passable."

"If it tastes anything like it smells, you have nothing to worry about."

Arthur smiled nervously and reached for a chip. Merlin wasted no time in digging into the chilli, even though it was still quite hot. It was _delicious_ and Merlin couldn't help but think about what it would be like if he and Arthur were a couple; they could cook for each other or cook together and have all their friends over for dinner parties.

Merlin took a sip of the red wine Arthur had poured them and tried not to dwell on futures that might never happen.

"How was your week?" he asked.

Arthur shrugged. "Fine. About the same as every other week, really. How was Wales? Did your follow-up lecture go well?"

Merlin nodded and started explaining about everything he had done while in Wales, with Arthur silently eating and nodding his understanding. That continued for most of dinner, until Arthur filled their bowls with seconds and started talking about his family and what it had been like growing up under the care of such a rich sports mogul.

"Morgana's your step-sister, right?" Merlin asked after Arthur had finished describing a fight she and Uther had had when she'd run an unfavourable story about Camelot Football Club in her paper.

Arthur popped a tortilla chip in his mouth and chewed it slowly. "She's... she's my half-sister, actually," he explained after a minute. "We were raised as step-siblings, more or less. My father made it clear that she had been adopted. But... when we were teenagers, we found out that he had actually had a secret affair with her mother. It's not the only secret affair he's ever had -- not by a long shot -- but as far as we know, Morgana and I are his only children."

"Sounds complicated," Merlin admitted. "My mum never had any secret affairs. Or regular affairs for that matter. She hasn't dated anyone since my dad."

"But, didn't you say he left before you were born?"

Merlin nodded. "Yeah. I guess she's just not that interested in finding someone else. She seems happy, though, so I try not to worry. She's got her job and her friends and her pets... she wishes I was closer, of course, but what mother doesn't. Oh -- sorry."

Arthur shook his head. "It's fine. I'm really very used to it."

Merlin frowned. "That's... sad."

Arthur shrugged. "I've had almost three decades to get used to it. There's not much you could say about mothers, living or otherwise, that would upset me."

"I'll take your word for it. That's not a theory I want to test."

Arthur laughed and drained the last of his wine. "I'm sorry I don't have anything else to offer. I didn't think about drinks until the last minute and this is all the red wine I have."

"Don't worry about it. If we get desperate, we can always go over to mine. I bought some Welsh wine we could try out."

"That sounds really good, actually."

"Yeah? Well, let me help you clean up--"

"No," Arthur said quickly. Merlin paused, halfway out of his seat. "Leave it. I'll get it later."

"Are you sure?"

Arthur stood and nodded. "Of course. I've already put all the food in the kitchen away. The dishes can wait."

Merlin grinned. "All right, then. You'll have to excuse the mess in my living room, though. I sort of tore apart my suitcase as soon as I got home, trying to find clean clothes to wear."

Arthur laughed and followed Merlin into the hall, locking his door behind them. "Trust me, messes do not bother me."

"Oh. Right." Merlin shot Arthur a grin over his shoulder before opening his flat and letting Arthur inside. "I'll get the wine," he said, slipping into the kitchen before Arthur could offer to help.

He pulled the bottle down from the top of the fridge -- it was the only item he had unpacked and put away as soon as he got home -- and poured two large glasses. He sipped it briefly, wondering if what had happened at the hotel was finally going to come up in conversation now that they weren't eating, or if they were going to keep dancing around it. He would bring it up himself if he had any idea what to say about it.

Merlin took the wine glasses out to the living room and handed one to Arthur, who had been standing near Merlin's largest bookshelf, admiring all the little figurines he had collected over the years.

"This is really good," Arthur said after his first taste.

"It is," Merlin agreed. "I've never had it before but my advisor recommended it."

Arthur nodded and leant back against the bookshelf. "I love wine," he said in a low voice. "I haven't been this relaxed all week."

"Was it... has it been that bad?" Merlin asked, wondering if this was going to be it.

Arthur shrugged. "It was just long... very long. I didn't sleep very well and... well, Lance is a nosy bastard who wouldn't stop trying to ask me about you."

"About -- me? Why?"

Arthur shrugged again and sipped at his wine, avoiding Merlin's eyes. "He... he was sort of the one who convinced me to go to your hotel that night."

Merlin almost dropped his wine glass in surprise. "You came out to him?"

Arthur shook his head. "No. He knows, though. He guessed."

Merlin didn't care how Lance knew; all that mattered was that he did know. Someone other than Merlin knew about Arthur -- knew who Arthur really was and truly accepted and supported him -- and that was a huge step forward. It was more than Merlin had expected -- more than he had any right to expect -- and the shock and joy of the surprise spurred him into action.

He set his glass down on the bookshelf as he pressed his lips against Arthur's. Arthur gasped and wrapped an arm around Merlin's waist quickly, his other hand blindly searching out a shelf for his own glass.

It was every bit as good as Merlin had remembered, though he had been trying hard all week to forget what had happened at the hotel. Arthur's lips were an odd combination of hard and soft; he kissed like he wanted it so badly but wasn't sure he if could have it. He kissed as though he had never kissed anyone before, or as though this were the last kiss he would ever have. He kissed like he _wanted_ Merlin and Merlin knew that it was true. Merlin could feel Arthur's cock hardening already, and he could remember how hard Arthur had been at the hotel. Merlin remembered how nervous Arthur had been, how easily he had come, how greedily he had sucked Merlin's cock.

Merlin groaned and laced his fingers through Arthur's hair, holding Arthur's head in place and pressing their bodies close together. The bookshelf rattled in protest but Merlin ignored it in favour of sliding one of his hands under Arthur's shirt so he could hold on to Arthur's warm side. Arthur's hands settled on his arse, pulling him closer and slotting their hips together.

Arthur was strong and solid under Merlin's hands, and Merlin wanted more. He ran his hands over Arthur's sides and his lips over Arthur's neck, trying to find the spots that made Arthur squirm and moan. Arthur finally rewarded him with a loud gasp when he curled his tongue just behind Arthur's ear.

"That's -- _yeah_ ," Arthur groaned when Merlin did it again, his fingers tightening their grip on Merlin's hips.

Merlin continued learning Arthur's body through his mouth until Arthur was breathing raggedly and rolling his hips against Merlin's in tiny, quick circles.

"Can we -- do you want..."

Arthur trailed off and Merlin rested his forehead on Arthur's shoulder for a moment, trying to remember how to breathe. Arthur's voice was low and rough, and the sound of it sent a jolt of need straight to Merlin's cock.

"You have no right to be so gorgeous," he whispered to Arthur's collarbone.

Arthur huffed and ran his hands up Merlin's back until they tangled in Merlin's hair.

"You have the strangest pillow talk."

Merlin grinned and planted a small kiss on Arthur's Adam's apple. "I can be quiet, if you like."

"No, I like -- _ah_!" Arthur's breath caught in his throat as Merlin pushed a hand up his shirt to tug on his pierced nipple.

"I really like this," Merlin said, running his fingertips over the small metal balls on either side of Arthur's nipple. "And the tattoos on your ankles."

"I like yours, too." Arthur tugged at Merlin's shirt until Merlin lifted his arms and let Arthur pull it off over his head.

Arthur's fingers were warm and sure against Merlin's bare skin and Merlin bit his lip, remembering the way Arthur's hands had been shaking that night at the hotel.

"Did you want to go in my room?" Merlin asked as Arthur's fingers traced the long, knotted branches of the tree on his side.

Arthur nodded and, leaving one hand on Merlin's tattoo, practically dragged Merlin into the bedroom. Merlin grinned and waited for Arthur to throw him on the bed or shove him against the door, but Arthur just smiled and took off his own shirt.

Licking his lips, Merlin stepped closer to run his hands over Arthur's broad, tan chest. It was dusted with soft blond hair and freckles from years of running around under the sun.

"You lift weights?" Merlin asked, trailing the contours of Arthur's muscles.

Arthur nodded and snaked his hands around Merlin's neck, pulling Merlin in for another kiss. Merlin sucked roughly on the tip of Arthur's tongue and Arthur groaned shakily as he staggered back. They gripped each other tightly, trying to stay upright as they moved across the room toward the bed. Finally, they reached it and Arthur sat heavily on the edge. Merlin leant down as Arthur stretched up, neither one willing to part lips.

Slowly, Merlin sank down to his knees between Arthur's legs until Arthur was the one leaning down to carry on the kiss, his hands cupping Merlin's face.

"I could kiss you for a year," Arthur said when they finally pulled away from each other.

"But there are so many other things we could do with our mouths," Merlin said, giving Arthur a wide grin.

Arthur's eyes widened in surprise as Merlin reached for his jeans and undid them swiftly. He lifted his hips to help Merlin pull his clothes down, and then Merlin was kneeling before a naked, blushing, erect Arthur Pendragon.

Merlin licked his lips and Arthur let out a tremulous moan. His hands were clenched tightly in the duvet and his toes were already curled and pressing into the hardwood floor. It was thrilling to see someone so strong and tough being so vulnerable and open -- just for Merlin.

Merlin gave Arthur a small, reassuring smile before he ran his hands over Arthur's thighs. Arthur's muscles tensed in Merlin's grip and Merlin's cock twitched in his jeans from the sheer strength beneath his hands.

Merlin gently pushed Arthur's legs farther apart and Arthur moved closer to the edge of the bed, his cock straining and already leaking with precome. Merlin eyed it appreciatively, taking in the details he had missed during their first quick tryst. It was perfectly wide and it curved up slightly, showing off the red, sensitive underside of the head. Arthur held his breath as Merlin leant forward to tongue at that spot.

"Oh, God," Arthur said on an exhale. His knuckles were white around the covers and his thighs were trembling slightly as he held them open.

Merlin wanted to go on teasing Arthur until his jaw went numb, but the more times he slid his tongue over that same spot, the more laboured Arthur's breathing became, until Merlin couldn't bring himself to make Arthur suffer any longer. He stretched his lips around the head and sank his mouth as far down as he could.

Arthur groaned out a few nonsensical syllables, his legs stretching out on either side of Merlin. Merlin put his hands firmly on Arthur's thighs as he bobbed along Arthur's cock, trying to make sure that Arthur wouldn't lose control completely and start bucking wildly into his mouth. He loved getting his mouth fucked like that, but he didn't want to go there with Arthur just yet. He wanted to ease into things, for both their sakes. Arthur was practically a virgin and Merlin was already too far gone not to get hurt if things went badly, but he did like going slow.

Merlin pulled off for a moment and Arthur let out a shaky sigh.

"Are you remembering to breathe?" Merlin teased, looking up at Arthur's flushed face.

Arthur nodded, looking pained.

Merlin swirled his tongue idly around the head of Arthur's cock for a moment and Arthur whimpered quietly. Several beads of precome surfaced and Merlin lapped them up, keeping his eyes on Arthur's tense face. He knew Arthur was close and he wanted to make this first blowjob memorable if he couldn't make it last.

Arthur sighed when Merlin sat back on his haunches for a moment and then groaned obscenely when Merlin started sucking on two of his own fingers.

"Fuck, you're like a wet dream," Arthur whinged, grabbing his cock and stripping it quickly.

"Don't come," Merlin demanded, taking his fingers out of his mouth.

Arthur's hand tightened around his cock for a moment, but he let go and fisted Merlin's hair instead. His grip was painfully tight, but Merlin just smiled and let him guide Merlin's mouth back to his cock.

Merlin sucked roughly on the head for a moment and Arthur's hips lifted off the bed. Merlin moaned around Arthur's cock, relieved that Arthur had finally stopped the innocent routine and had started going after what he wanted. And since what he wanted was Merlin's mouth, Merlin was more than willing to give it to him. Merlin ignored the pain of his own aching cock, trapped inside his jeans, and focused only on Arthur and how natural it felt to be in this position -- on his knees with his lips stretched around Arthur's cock while Arthur's fingers grabbed at his hair.

Merlin pushed at Arthur's chest until Arthur got the hint and leant back. He propped himself up on his elbows and Merlin looked up through lashes and fringe.

"Shit," Arthur breathed, rocking his hips slightly to meet Merlin's mouth.

Merlin slid his slick fingers over Arthur's balls and Arthur made a choked sound, but then Merlin slipped his fingers lower and Arthur positively wailed. Merlin had planned to stop after that first hint -- to ask if it was all right, if it was something that Arthur wanted and could handle, if it wasn't too much too soon -- but Arthur started coming before Merlin's fingertips had even reached their goal.

Merlin licked and sucked and swallowed as Arthur cried out and jerked through his orgasm. His hand was still clenched tightly in Merlin's hair -- the edge of his thumb ring pressed roughtly into Merlin's scalp -- so Merlin stayed put, breathing around Arthur's twitching, softening cock until Arthur let out a tremulous sigh and relaxed his fingers enough for Merlin to move.

Giving Arthur's cock one last kiss, Merlin sat back and took in Arthur's limp, flushed, fucked-out body. He was beautiful in his sleepy contentment, and Merlin had to fight to quell the bizarre pride that swelled in his chest at the sight.

Merlin moved to wipe his mouth, but Arthur sat up in a flash and kissed him hurriedly. It was wet and desperate and almost reverent; Merlin was breathless by the time Arthur pulled back, a drop of his own come on his lower lip. Merlin licked it off gently and Arthur closed his eyes with a sigh.

"I'm sorry I keep coming so quickly," Arthur said, his voice tight and his cheeks pink. "I'm not used to being with someone I actually... want."

Merlin shook his head quickly, the bizarre pride bursting uncontrollably behind his ribs. "Don't apologize." Arthur still looked unsure, so Merlin rubbed his hands reassuringly over Arthur's thighs. "We'll work up to the 6-hour tantric fucks, okay?"

Arthur laughed and covered Merlin's hands with his own, before standing and pulling Merlin up with him. He pressed one of his hands hard to Merlin's cock and Merlin bucked into the warm pressure.

"Can I..." Arthur bit his lip and frowned.

Merlin leant in close and brushed his nose against Arthur's. "Do you want to take off my jeans?"

Arthur's silent laugh was a huff on Merlin's cheek. "Obviously. I was trying to ask if -- if you like what you did to me."

Merlin pulled back a little. "What?"

Arthur's eyes flittered restlessly across the room, seemingly unable to look at Merlin, but he set his jaw in determination. "The fingers thing. Do you want... me to do that to you?"

Merlin's cock throbbed against Arthur's palm as he kissed Arthur roughly. He tingled all over at the thought of Arthur inside him in any way.

"If you want to," Merlin managed, speaking into Arthur's mouth as Arthur's hands worked quickly to rid Merlin of his remaining clothing.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

Arthur nodded and shoved Merlin's jeans and pants to the floor. Merlin clung to Arthur, letting him take control and do what he wanted. It took Arthur a moment, but eventually he turned them and advanced on Merlin until Merlin had no choice but to walk backwards and sit on the bed.

"Budge up," Arthur said, pushing at Merlin's legs.

Merlin crawled backwards up the bed until he could put his head on the pillows and Arthur descended on him. Arthur jerked Merlin's cocked roughly as his tongue traced every line of Merlin's tattoo.

Merlin moaned breathlessly, loving the drag of Arthur's thumb ring on his cock. He moved a hand to Arthur's hair when Arthur started kissing the side of his ribs, trying to direct Arthur's mouth elsewhere. Arthur ignored Merlin's suggestive tugs and nipped roughly at a leaf on Merlin's tattoo. Merlin squirmed and reached out to grab Arthur's wrist.

"You have to slow down," he pleaded, the familiar warmth of an inevitable orgasm already settling low in his stomach.

Arthur smiled sheepishly and loosened his grip as Merlin made him slow his rhythm. "Sorry."

He kissed a trail across the tattoo, over Merlin's hip, and down to Merlin's cock. Merlin tossed his head back and tried not to think about how Arthur was trying to suck the orgasm right of out him. Arthur clearly needed to work up to fingering him, and Merlin wanted to last long enough to experience it. He ran his fingers through Arthur's hair and used the leverage to control the speed of Arthur's bobbing mouth, but he couldn't control Arthur's tongue. It was swirling and teasing and licking and driving Merlin slowly out of his mind. He knew that Arthur had next to no experience giving blowjobs, but apparently Arthur was a fast learner and Merlin had a hard time holding back. He wanted to thrust up into Arthur's perfect mouth and beg for more, but he also wanted to slow down and wait for Arthur's fingers; it took a lot of effort to let that part of him win.

"Stop," he rasped when Arthur's tongue moved down to his balls. "Stop, stop."

Arthur looked up, his lips red and dripping wet and swollen. Merlin tugged roughly on Arthur's hair until Arthur shifted up for a kiss.

"Stop teasing me," he whispered, lifting his hips and sliding his cock against Arthur's. "You're hard again."

Arthur nodded and sat up. He sucked two fingers into his mouth and used his other hand to stroke himself lightly. Merlin closed his eyes and bit back a whimper. The image of Arthur, shagged out but still hard and still wanting, wanking and covering his fingers with slick spit was too much to handle. Merlin's cock throbbed angrily, wanting release, and he bit back a groan of frustration.

The bed shifted around his slightly and Merlin opened his eyes to see Arthur hovering over him uncertainly.

"Do I just..."

Merlin took Arthur's hand and guided it between his legs as he spread them and bent them at the knee. Arthur watched with a slightly dazed expression on his flushed face, his other hand still working slowly over his cock. Merlin closed his eyes again and inched the tip of one of Arthur's fingers inside himself, giving both of them time to adjust to the sensation. When he heard Arthur taking a deep breath, Merlin added his second finger and let go of his hand.

Arthur immediately crooked his fingers and Merlin gasped, eyes flying open and landing Arthur's face.

"Is this good?" Arthur asked quietly, his eyes wide and focused on Merlin's arse.

Merlin nodded and tried to fuck himself on Arthur's fingers, unable to keep still for even one second longer. "Yes -- keep going. Keep them moving."

Arthur leant down to lick lightly at Merlin's cock as he started rocking his fingers. The drag of Arthur's skin was rough and there wasn't nearly enough spit or lube to ease the way, but Merlin didn't care. It felt good -- too good. He groaned and reached down below Arthur's mouth to give his balls a sharp tug. He had been on the edge of coming for so long, but he was still unwilling to let the encounter end.

"Merlin," Arthur moaned and pressed his forehead into Merlin's hip. His breath came in ragged pants over Merlin's skin.

"Fuck, Arthur," Merlin whinged, pulling on his cock as the last of his restraint slipped away.

Arthur sucked roughly on Merlin's hip as his fingers moved faster and harder, and then they pressed right against Merlin's prostate and Merlin was coming before he could even take a breath. He arched off the bed, pulling Arthur with him, as his vision blurred and his ears roared with his rapid heartbeat. He came on his stomach and his chest and his neck and even, somehow, in Arthur's hair.

A moment passed as Merlin came back to his senses and he opened his eyes again. Arthur was sitting up, stroking himself without finesse. He came all over Merlin's front with a low groan and his fingers, still buried inside Merlin, jerked and shuddered with the rest of his body. Merlin gasped and bucked against the almost painful pressure as Arthur's fingers pushed up against his prostate.

Arthur pulled his hand away from Merlin and collapsed sideways, landing next to Merlin on the bed. He panted into Merlin's arm, one of his legs hooked over Merlin's.

"I hope you don't think this is too pathetic," he said, his voice muffled by the sheets and Merlin's damp skin, "but I had no idea sex could be so good."

Merlin closed his eyes against the mad grin that spread across his face. His heart beat excitedly, the bizarre pride from earlier trying to push its way out of his chest.

"It's not pathetic," he assured Arthur.

Arthur took a deep breath and inched further up the bed until he could drape his arm possessively across Merlin's front. He immediately removed his arm and sat up, pulling a face.

"My arm is covered in come."

Merlin snorted. "Your arm? My whole torso is covered in come!"

Arthur glanced down at the mess covering Merlin's front. "Is it always this messy?"

Merlin tried not to laugh at the question. "I guess it depends on what you do."

Arthur nodded and tried to clean off his arm with his other hand, then wiped that hand on Merlin's stomach.

"Do you... do you like getting fucked?" he asked as his fingers drew strange patterns over Merlin's front. "Or do you..."

Merlin brought Arthur's hand up to his mouth and licked it clean, pretending not to notice Arthur's half-choked off moan.

"I like getting fucked," he said simply. "A lot, actually." Merlin pressed a kiss into each of Arthur's fingertips before letting go of his hand. "What about you?"

Arthur shrugged, his lips twisting with indecision. "It... intrigues me. Although... the other way intrigues me more."

"The other way?"

"Getting to do the fucking," Arthur explained slowly.

Merlin grinned, his spent body thrumming in interest, and sat up to kiss Arthur's cheek. "Well, we'll have to explore those options sometime in the near future, then."

Arthur nodded stiffly.

"Do you have to get home?" Merlin asked a moment later, his lips still against Arthur's cheek.

"If you want me to."

"I don't," Merlin said quickly. "You can stay. Just..."

"Hm?" Arthur prompted, his arms coming up to encircle Merlin's waist in a loose hug.

Merlin closed his eyes and told himself to trust his instincts. Arthur wasn't looking for a string of meaningless fucks. There was something between them; he was sure of it now.

"Just don't be gone again when I wake up."

Arthur pulled Merlin tightly against him, the half-dried come smearing over his own chest. "I'll be here," he promised.

Merlin let the embrace linger for a moment before pulling back, unable to stop himself from grinning. "Good. Come get in the shower with me?"

Arthur nodded, looking slightly dumbstruck, and let Merlin pull him off the bed and across the flat, into the bathroom.

  
**~~~**  


Arthur woke up with a strange pressure on his forehead. He shifted slightly, hoping it wasn't Matilda trying to wake up to let him know that she'd peed somewhere unfortunate to get back at him for some unknown offense. 

After a few more moments, Arthur realised that there was not a cat paw or cat tail on his face. He opened his eyes in a panic and saw Merlin looking fondly down on him.

"Oh," Arthur said stupidly, wondering for a second why Merlin was in his bed. Then he blinked and remembered that _he_ was in _Merlin's_ bed and that he'd come no less than four times the night before, which was something he hadn't done in years.

"Good morning," Merlin said cheerily. He was sitting up next to Arthur, looking immensely pleased with himself.

Arthur felt his face carefully, still not sure what the pressure was from. He touched something cold and hard and completely foreign.

"What... what is on my head?" he asked, fighting the urge to grab it and fling it across the room.

"Marie Antoinette."

Arthur sighed in relief and plucked the lizard off his face. It squirmed in his grip, its legs running pointlessly in the air. Arthur handed it back to Merlin as he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

Merlin set the lizard on the bed between them and ran his fingers down its long, colourful, spotted back.

"Is that how you usually wake up the men you sleep with?"

Merlin giggled adorably and Arthur couldn't stop himself from leaning forward for a good morning kiss. Marie Antoinette interrupted it by scrambling up to sit on Arthur's knee.

"If he goes for my balls, I'm tossing him on the floor," Arthur said seriously, watching the lizard carefully.

"Heartless," Merlin said, shaking his head.

"I've had a few too many close calls with Matilda's claws."

Merlin winced and Arthur lay back down. Marie Antoinette scampered up to sit on Arthur's chest before Arthur could even stop it from happening. He petted the lizard's tail cautiously, not wanting to startle it into running up his face again. It stayed calm and still, looking at him with vaguely curious eyes.

"Tell me a secret," Merlin said suddenly, lying down on his side next to Arthur, pressing their bodies together and draping his arm across Arthur's stomach.

"A bigger secret than the whole gay thing?" Arthur brought his free hand up to cover Merlin's and Merlin laced their fingers together.

"Yes," Merlin said into Arthur's shoulder. "That one's not a secret anymore, at least not to me. Tell me a new one."

"I'd like to be a sports photographer after I retire from football."

Merlin pinched Arthur's palm. "A _new_ one."

"You know all my secrets," Arthur said. He had tried for teasing but it had come out serious, because it was true.

"Not all of them," Merlin insisted. "Tell me something you've never told anyone else."

Arthur laughed. "Merlin--"

"I am so serious," Merlin said. "If you don't tell me a secret then I will put Marie Antoinette on your balls without hesitation."

Arthur gripped Merlin's hand tightly. "You'll do no such thing. Let me think for a minute."

"You're a closeted celebrity," Merlin pointed out. "It shouldn't be so hard for you to think of a secret."

"Thanks," Arthur muttered.

Merlin pressed a kiss to Arthur's shoulder. "I mean that in the nicest possible way."

"I'm sure you do." Arthur licked his lips and stared up at the ceiling, trying to think of something interesting. "I could tell you about the... clichéd gay realisation I had when I was a teenager. Is that enough of a secret?"

"That's perfect."

"All right. So, when I was... probably 16 or so, I realised that I had a bit of a flirting problem."

"You didn't know how?" Merlin guessed.

"Oh, no. I knew _exactly_ how to flirt. I mean that I had a flirting obsession. I flirted with everyone -- young, old, attractive, ugly... male or female. I really liked the attention and I really liked it when people liked me."

"No one said anything about you flirting with blokes?"

"Not really. I tried to make it clear that I was only doing it to shock people. I was being a rebel, you know? That's what I told myself, too. Besides, no one really played along enough for it to be a noticeable thing."

"When did you... realise?" Merlin prompted.

"When someone started playing along," Arthur said quietly. He thought about the fit, witty, dark-skinned, dark-haired boy who had flirted with him on Camelot's youth team. The boy had looked not unlike Elyan, though Arthur wasn't going to share that detail with anyone. The boy had grown up to be a major player for another popular club and when their teams played against each other, he and Arthur only acknowledged each other with brief waves and curt nods. The past was behind them and neither of them could risk trying to sneak in a quick fumble just to relieve their pent-up homosexual frustrations.

"Who was it?" Merlin asked when Arthur had been silent for a long moment.

"It's not important. Anyway, if I told you his name you wouldn't recognise it. At least... I assume you wouldn't. You said you don't follow the sport."

"Is he famous?"

"Reasonably. He's a very good player."

"Is he on your team? Your football team, I mean."

Arthur chuckled. "No. We were on the youth team together. I flirted and he flirted and... eventually it went just a bit too far and we ended up... sucking each other off a few times."

"In the locker rooms?" Merlin teased.

"No. Well... once. Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"The time in the locker room was handjobs. The blowjobs were in my car or... in his garden when we were a bit high."

"Ooh, sex _and_ drugs? You were a rebel."

Arthur laughed and pulled Merlin's arm tighter around his middle. Marie Antoinette shifted slightly but stayed put over Arthur's heart.

"We got signed before it got serious," Arthur said, finishing up the story. "He's married, now."

"Do you think he's bisexual?"

"I have no idea," Arthur admitted. "Honestly, I try not to think about it. It's in the past and it doesn't really matter much. He clearly hasn't told anyone, so I just... sort of pretend it never happened."

Merlin was quiet for a minute, his fingers brushing over the hairs on the back of Arthur's arm.

"So, being blown by your teammate in a garden helped you realise you were gay?"

Arthur laughed at how absurd it sounded. "Basically."

"And you've hidden it until now?"

"Um... yeah. Yes."

Merlin snuggled closer and put his head on Arthur's chest, forcing Marie Antoinette to wiggle onto Arthur's other shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Arthur said quietly.

"I know. I just didn't know what else to say."

"Me neither."

Merlin nuzzled Arthur's collarbone and Arthur took a deep breath, trying not to think about what being with Merlin would mean for his future. He just wanted to focus on this quiet moment and how it felt to be wrapped in Merlin.

"So... I'm not like... the first gay bloke you've known since then, am I?" Merlin asked, his voice soft.

"Not by a long shot. Though, you're definitely the cutest."

Arthur could feel Merlin's lips curling into a smile against his bare skin. "Have you ever fancied anyone else?" Arthur drummed his fingers on Merlin's arm at the thought of spilling that particular secret and Merlin lifted his head curiously. "I think your heart just tried to run away."

Arthur forced a smile. "I fancied that physio last year."

Merlin laid his head back down. "Oh, right. You did mention that. Was he gay?"

"I'm pretty sure. He flirted with me a little bit... well, he flirted with everyone a little bit, but... no one else on the team is gay. Not that I know of, anyway. Though, I guess..." Arthur shook his head, unwilling to follow that train of thought. "Anyway, it was really hard not to flirt back with him, especially when he... well, he was really good at massages."

Merlin's shoulders shook in silent laughter.

"Anyway, he... it was really bad," Arthur said shortly.

"Bad?"

Arthur nodded. "It was stressful. I hadn't liked someone that much in years. Plus... you know, it was a bloke. And we worked together, which just made it impossible to ignore. I was under a lot of pressure -- it was my first season as captain -- and I just sort of... let it all get to me. I had a bit of a breakdown."

Merlin frowned and squeezed Arthur closer. "Why?"

"I didn't know how to handle it," Arthur said simply. "There wasn't anyone I could talk to about it. Most people assumed it was just a result of being captain, but it wasn't. It was the physio. He was everywhere and he was gorgeous and I couldn't have him. I started hating myself for being this way and... and forcing myself to hide the fact that I am this way. I stopped eating."

"Arthur--"

"I'm okay, now," Arthur said quickly. "I mean, it's not... it's still difficult. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't skipped a few meals since I started getting to know you."

Merlin pressed his face hard against Arthur's shoulder.

"You don't have to worry about me," Arthur insisted. "I'm nowhere near as bad as I was last year. Plus, now I have people to talk to before I start starving myself... you, Lance... it's good. I'm good."

Merlin nodded. "Good."

Arthur tightened his grip on Merlin and lay in comfortable, comforting silence for a minute.

"So, that was a lot of secrets," he finally said.

Merlin shifted up and rested his chin on Arthur's chest. "Any more?"

Arthur ran his hand through Merlin's messy hair. "I donate all the money I make from modelling to gay charities."

Merlin burst into inexplicable laugher. Arthur shoved him off and sat up, forgetting about the lizard who fell, squirming, into his lap. Arthur snatched it up before it could accidentally swipe his balls and placed it on Merlin's head.

"Why is that so funny?" he asked, trying not to be offended.

Merlin pushed Marie Antoinette onto the pillow and sat up to give Arthur a long kiss.

"It's not funny," he whispered. "You're perfect."

"Now _that_ is funny," Arthur said, pulling away. "I tell you that I had an eating disorder due to gay stress and you tell me that I'm perfect?"

"No, you tell me that you donate huge amounts of money to gay charities and _then_ I tell you that you're perfect. Do they know it's you donating the money?"

Arthur shook his head. "It's done anonymously."

Merlin kissed Arthur slowly and sweetly. "I think it's lovely. You're a good man."

Arthur couldn't hold back a smile. "I do try."

They kissed again but were interrupted by Arthur's grumbling stomach.

"I should go eat," Arthur said against Merlin's insistent lips. "And I should probably feed Matilda, too."

Merlin pressed another brief kiss to Arthur's lips before sitting back. "Yeah, I should go running... try to get some work done this afternoon."

"How often do you go running?" Arthur asked, his fingers trailing over Merlin's thighs.

"I try to go two or three times a week, if I can convince myself to get up early enough. Some weeks I only manage on Saturday mornings."

Arthur hummed in response and leant forward to nuzzle Merlin's neck. He didn't want to leave.

"Do you want to come to my game tomorrow?" he asked, his lips dragging across Merlin's collarbone. "I can get tickets for you and Gwen and everyone."

Merlin slid his fingers into Arthur's hair and tugged until Arthur leant back. "Sure."

"Who do you think will want to come?"

"Gwen, definitely. Elyan... Freya and Morgana, probably, as long as you don't mind."

"I don't mind. I'll get five tickets, then."

"Perfect." Merlin sprawled back out on the bed and watched as Arthur went around the bedroom, picking up and putting on his clothes from the previous day.

"I'll drop the tickets off in the morning," he said, leaning down to kiss Merlin's cheek.

"See you tomorrow."

Arthur took one last look at Merlin stretched gloriously naked across the bed, Marie Antoinette perched on one shoulder, before forcing himself to go back to his own flat.

  
**~~~**  


Merlin made sure to sit next to Elyan during the game on Sunday. Elyan's enthusiasm for watching live football was explosive and contagious and exactly what Merlin wanted. He didn't want to think about the fact that he was having secret gay sex with Camelot's star and he didn't want to field awkward questions from his overly curious friends. He just wanted to get swept up in the excitement of the match, and Elyan helped him do just that. Although, Merlin did draw the line at buying a Camelot scarf. 

Freya and Morgana spent most of the game ignoring everything around them and discussing a concert they had been to the night before. Merlin found it a bit odd, especially considering that it was Morgana's brother on the pitch and her father up in the executive seats. However, despite apparently not paying any attention to the match, she did cheer just as loud as Elyan when Camelot made a good run down the line.

Gwen, sitting on Merlin's other side, talked his ear off about Lance every chance she got. He wanted to ask her -- teasingly, of course -- "What about Gwaine?" but he knew that her response would be "What about Arthur?" and he didn't want to go there.

Lance scored the only goal of the match, and it didn't come until the final minutes of the second half. Arthur was the first one to congratulate him and Merlin watched the scene on the pitch with an uncontrollable grin. Arthur leapt onto Lance's back and Lance actually ran a few steps, carrying Arthur easily and pumping his fists in the air. Then Gwaine and Leon flung themselves onto Lance as well, and the whole group toppled to the ground, laughing and cheering.

Elyan shouted himself hoarse but was unflappably cheerful on their way back to the car park. Everyone piled into Morgana's car and agreed to go to the Dragon for a round of celebratory drinks.

Merlin pulled out his mobile and spent most of the ride texting Arthur.

_Good game._

**From Arthur: Say it like you mean it.**

_OMG YOU PLAYED THE BEST FUCKING GAME OF YOUR LIFE HOLY SHIT I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE I THINK I LOST MY VOICE FROM CHEERING SO MUCH YOU ARE A FOOTBALL GOD AND I WOULD GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND SUCK YOU OFF IN THE LOCKER ROOMS IF YOU WEREN'T SURROUNDED BY SCARY SECURITY GUARDS._

**From Arthur: I'm sure we could work something out.**

_Threesome? Kinky._

**From Arthur: Yes. I. Am.**

_I don't share well._

**From Arthur: I'll keep that in mind. Are you on your way home?**

_I was. I got lost at the stadium, though. I think I'm in the locker room. There are a lot of huge naked blokes and they're staring at me like they're very, very hungry._

**From Arthur: Cannibal Football Club.**

_Come save me._

**From Arthur: Not sure which locker room you're in, mate. The one I'm in only has chickens.**

_Actual chickens?_

**From Arthur: Yes. Chicken Football Club.**

Merlin snorted with laughter and Elyan raised an eyebrow, peering into Merlin's lap. Merlin tucked his mobile away in his pocket.

"Who are you texting?"

"Who do you think?"

"I'm not really sure, to be honest. Everyone you know is in this car."

"How do you think I got us these tickets, then?"

Elyan's eyes lit up. "Sexting?" he asked in a stage whisper.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "No. We're talking about cannibals and chickens."

"What?"

Merlin shrugged happily and turned to look out the window, watching London speed by. His pocket didn't buzz again until they were settled at the back of the Dragon with beers already in their hands and several baskets of chips on the way.

**From Arthur: Home?**

_Dragon._

**From Arthur: Can I come?**

_Of course!_

**From Arthur: Can I bring Gwaine and Lance?**

Merlin glanced at Gwen and considered asking her permission, but she was deep in conversation with Morgana about some story she was working on for the paper.

_Definitely. Bring condoms, too. I see an orgy in our future._

Arthur didn't respond to that and Merlin spent several long minutes panicking and actually praying that Lance or Gwaine hadn't accidentally seen his text.

Luckily, Arthur and his teammates showed up before Merlin could get too paranoid. All three of them came into the Dragon wearing sunglasses and didn't take them off until they had found extra chairs and settled themselves at Merlin's table.

"You look like the Mafia," Merlin said flatly as Arthur finally removed his glasses.

"I am the Mafia," Gwaine said confidently.

"That explains the accent," Lance teased.

Merlin laughed and did a quick round of introductions before the waitress came over to take more drink orders. Their group got a lot of looks from other pub patrons and Merlin was sure it wasn't just because there were 8 of them packed together in a small space; they were sitting with three famous footballers and people were noticing.

Arthur looked adorably nervous, sitting across from Merlin and between his two friends. He kept sneaking glances at the door, as if he were worried that someone would burst in and ruin all the fun. He chatted easily with everyone though, even Merlin, and Merlin couldn't help but be relieved that he wasn't panicking or closing off.

Gwen spent a few minutes looking guiltily between Lance and Gwaine, until Gwaine started trying to flirt with a thoroughly nonplussed Morgana, which left Gwen to flirt freely with Lance. Merlin watched them carefully, taking in the way they were angled toward each other and looking at each other with bright eyes and wide grins. They were both trying so hard to make a good impression. It was adorable and slightly heartbreaking; Merlin wanted that with Arthur. He wanted to be able to take a sip of Arthur's beer. He wanted to be able to jokingly feed Arthur a chip in front of everyone. He wanted to _flirt_ with Arthur, and not just in the privacy of their own homes.

Merlin hadn't wanted or needed to hide his sexuality for so long that he had forgotten how to do it, and it wasn't something he wanted to remember.

He chanced a glance at Arthur and saw that Arthur was watching Gwen and Lance, too. Arthur's expression was sad and jealous, and Merlin knew that those feelings were mirrored on his own face. He knocked his foot against Arthur's and Arthur started slightly, his gaze snapping to Merlin. Merlin smiled innocently and popped another chip in his mouth.

Arthur's eyes narrowed in a challenge that Merlin eagerly accepted. They played a risky game of footsie under the table, each trying to push the other one to go further without getting noticed. Merlin actually managed to slip one of his shoes off and run his toes along the inside of Arthur's thigh. Arthur blushed so much from it that Merlin offered him a chip as an apology and resolutely kept the rest of the game to below the knees.

It wasn't as blatant as Lance and Gwen batting their eyelashes at each other, but it was enough for now.

More rounds were ordered and Merlin let himself zone out, thinking about what the future might be like with Arthur. If Arthur ever came out -- to his family, to his team, to the _fans_ \-- and if Merlin was still involved with Arthur, then Merlin's life would change drastically. There would be articles and interviews and paparazzi and awkward tabloid photos. It would be huge.

Merlin had never considered himself ripe for celebrity. He was gangly and too nerdy and awkward to carry on normal conversations with strangers. He had his small group of friends and that was all he had ever really wanted. But Arthur's life was so much more complicated than that.

Arthur nudged Merlin's knee with the toe of his shoe and Merlin blinked and looked up, wondering how long he had been thinking. Arthur gave him a small, private smile and Merlin decided to stop thinking about the future and to start focusing on the way that Arthur's ankles were locked with his own.

  
**~~~**  


Arthur tried to get out of the locker room quickly, but George and Leon, the vice-captain, cornered him before he could sneak off home. George had wanted to check-in with them about the upcoming FA Challenge Cup match, but the conversation devolved into team gossip and mild insults about Mercia. 

It was half an hour before Arthur was allowed to make his excuses and return to the locker room to grab his things. He was halfway to the door when he was stopped again, this time by Lance.

"Are you stalking me?" Arthur asked blandly, pushing past Lance and making his way out of the locker room.

Lance followed him. "It feels like it. You've been avoiding me."

"I've been busy," Arthur lied.

"Too busy to talk to your best mate?"

Arthur glanced over his shoulder. "My -- I've just been busy."

"Hence the stalking." Lance jogged for a few steps to catch up with Arthur as they reached the car park. "How are things with Merlin?"

"You know it's not actually any of your business, right?"

Lance shrugged. "I guess, but I'm still interested. And considering how much effort it took to get you to talk to him in the first place, I feel that I deserve to know how it went."

"I'm not sure that makes sense."

Lance dropped his bag on the ground and sat on the front of Arthur's car. "Come on. You used to talk to me about your girlfriends all the time. Why should it be different with Merlin?"

"Because he's not my girlfriend," Arthur said dully, shoving his bag at Lance.

Lance grunted and shoved it right back. Arthur stumbled at the force of Lance's push and flung the bag into his backseat.

"Is he your boyfriend, then?"

Arthur leant against the side of the car next to his, not caring whose it was. "I'm not sure," he admitted. "I guess that means no, but we're definitely... _something_. I'm just not too clear on the details."

"And you're okay with that?"

"I think so," Arthur said, staring down at his trainers. "I don't think we need to rush into anything. This is pretty new... for both of us, though for very different reasons."

"But he fancies you?"

Arthur nodded, biting back a smile.

"Good. I'm happy for you."

Arthur looked up and took in Lance's calm, content expression and genuine tone. Lance truly didn't care that Arthur was with another man; he only cared that Arthur was happy.

Something snapped into place in Arthur's mind and he paused for a moment, overwhelmed. True and loyal friends would want Arthur to be happy, regardless of who exactly it was that made him happy. And everyone else -- everyone who would care that it was Merlin -- didn't matter. Arthur didn't need to count any bigoted, unsupportive people as friends, and even if they had to stay in his life because of football, he could take the high road and be the bigger person and accept them anyway, even if they didn't accept him. He just wanted to be happy, and he was pretty sure that he could be happy even if people didn't like who he was with. People already disliked him for much pettier reasons; he could handle a bit of homophobia. He'd been handling it for years, although rarely to his face and never because anyone actually knew he was gay.

Lance's brow furrowed and Arthur blinked, snapping out of his thoughts.

"I'm happy for me, too," Arthur admitted. "For once. I forgot something inside." He started walking backwards toward the clubhouse, waving at Lance. "Go home and take a proper shower -- you reek!"

"Go home and take a proper shower," Lance called after him, jumping off the hood of his car. "You're ugly!"

Arthur laughed and gestured rudely before turning and running back into the training ground. He ran straight to Uther's office, unwilling to stop for even a second in case he changed his mind.

"Is he in there?" he asked the secretary.

She nodded and started to say something, but Arthur barged past her desk and into his father's office.

Uther was poring over some paperwork, looking bored and tired.

"Arthur," he said, glancing up in surprise. "Do we have an appointment?"

"No. But I have to tell you something and if I don't do it now then I never will." Arthur closed the door behind him, ignoring the way that the secretary was practically falling out of her seat to get a glimpse into Uther's office.

"Is something wrong?" Uther prompted when Arthur turned back around.

"No," Arthur said again. "There's nothing wrong. I'm just -- I'm gay."

For a moment, all Arthur could hear was his own heart pounding in his ears. Uther's office was silent and still and Arthur waited. He waited for Uther to scream or cry or disown him or call him disgusting and disappointing. He waited for a reaction of any kind, but Uther continued sitting at his large desk, a perfectly blank expression on his face.

"What makes you say that?" he asked calmly.

Arthur had to laugh at the absurd question and Uther frowned at the way the loud noise echoed in his office. "The fact that I like having sex with men."

Uther closed his eyes, flinching slightly. "Arthur--"

"I'm not looking for approval," Arthur said quickly, confident that he didn't need it or want it, even if Uther was going to give it. Uther didn't look destroyed and honestly, that was enough for Arthur; it was more than he had ever expected. He strode across the room and rested his hands on the back of the chair in front of Uther's desk. "I just needed you to know. I'm... there's a man and I think... if I have to be out and proud in order to be with him, then I will be. I'm not going to come out to the team or the press or anything just yet, but I will at some point and I thought you should know."

"Is this new?" Uther asked, his eyes opening and glaring darkly at his son.

Arthur shook his head. "I've known for a very long time who I am and what -- and who I want. I thought I had to hide it but I was wrong. For the first time in my life I am actually close to being happy with someone and I don't want to lose that just because of what I've chosen as my career. I don't care what you have to say about it, but I thought you should know. As the owner and... and as my father, you deserved to know."

Uther studied his son for a long moment and Arthur refused to break eye contact. He looked worried and sad and more tired than Arthur had seen him in years.

"Who else knows?"

"No one. Well, Lance knows, but he's the only one... for now."

"And this -- this man?" Uther's face was tight, his eyes narrowed and his lips a thin line.

"Obviously he knows. And maybe a few of his friends, but they won't tell."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because they're my friends too," Arthur said simply.

Uther rubbed his eyes and let out a long, defeated-sounding sigh. "You may go."

"Dad--"

"Go," Uther said sternly, returning his attention to the paperwork on his desk.

Arthur slumped and retreated to the door, wondering if that was the end of their personal relationship. It had been in shambles for years but that didn't mean that Arthur wanted it to end -- it didn't mean that Arthur didn't love his father. There had been a glimmer of hope for a moment when Uther didn't immediately lash out at Arthur, but it was gone now and all that was left was Uther brushing Arthur aside, as he always did.

Arthur paused for a moment with his hand on the doorknob and turned to look at his father, trying to read the man's body language. His shoulders were tight and his grip on the pen in his hand was loose -- he was only pretending to be reading.

When he didn't hear Arthur leaving, Uther looked back up.

"You'll always be my son, Arthur," he said quietly. "But we are going to hire a damn good publicist."

Arthur nodded, his throat too tight to say anything, and left without waving goodbye to either Uther or the secretary.

  
**~~~**  


Merlin was scribbling in a notebook, trying to get his fingers to catch up with his mind before he lost his ideas. His advisor was asking for a draft of a new chapter of his thesis and he didn't have much to show yet. He had two or three weeks before he needed to send anything, but he knew he needed to crack down on his research habits. He had been distracted lately and he needed as much time as he could get, especially because he wrote better by hand and it took a long time to type up all of his ramblings. 

His train of thought came to an abrupt halt in the middle of a sentence and Merlin slumped back in his chair, tapping the tip of the pen against the edge of his desk. He stared at his notebook, waiting for something to come to him, but there was nothing. His mind was blank except for the thought that he might run into Arthur in the hallway upon his return home.

Merlin dropped the pen and scrubbed his hands over his face. He needed a quick break, something to refresh him, and then he would get back to work.

Turning his attention to his computer, he checked his email and the weather and the news. Nothing caught his attention and he found himself typing "Arthur Pendragon" into the search bar before he could think better of it and stop himself. There were a few fan sites that he avoided, but he pulled up some biographies and scanned them quickly. They all said told the same story -- that Arthur was a life-long Camelot player who grew up in the youth league and was signed to the first-team at an early age, and had been improving by leaps and bounds each year. Some biographies mentioned his mother, Ygraine, who had been the director of communications for Camelot Football Club before she died due to complications from Arthur's birth. Most focused only on Arthur's father.

Next, Merlin scrolled cautiously through Arthur's Twitter. He didn't know what he was expecting to find, but somehow he was surprised to see how much Arthur interacted with his fans. He answered questions, asked questions of his own, played along with jokes, told anecdotes from practices and locker rooms and trips to away games. He was funny and friendly but there wasn't a single hint at his personal life. His Twitter was football-centric and there was no mention of former girlfriends or family members or even Matilda.

After a moment of squeamish debate in his own head, Merlin ran an image search. Most of the pictures that came up were of Arthur on the pitch in the middle of a game, his face twisted in concentration and his sweaty hair flapping in some gravity-defying way. Some of the pictures were of Arthur at press conferences, looking serious and professional. Others were of Arthur hugging his teammates or shouting at referees or dressed in a devastating suit and standing next to a stone-faced but handsome man that Merlin knew had to be his father. There were pictures of Arthur's modelling campaigns and pictures of Arthur looking slightly drunk outside of clubs and pictures of  
Arthur with beautiful women.

"Working hard or hardly working?"

Merlin jumped in surprise and nearly fell out of his chair. He clutched at his rapidly pounding heart and glared up at Arthur, who was standing casually in the doorway to Merlin's office with a wide, shit-eating grin.

"That's a terrible joke," Merlin panted. "How the fuck did you find me?"

Arthur held up his mobile. "Internet. I looked up the address of the only French archives in London. The front door was unlocked, so I just wandered through until I saw you. You should get a security guard or something."

"We don't have a lot of break-ins." Merlin quickly closed out his internet browser, trying to appear innocent.

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked, nodding at the computer.

"Oh, um... working."

Arthur cocked his head to the side. "You're blushing."

"I'm not," Merlin protested.

"Were you looking at porn?"

"No!"

Arthur laughed and stepped further into Merlin's office. "Why else would you be blushing?"

Merlin picked up his pen and tapped it against his notebook. "Did you just come from training?"

"Don't change the subject. What were you looking at?"

Merlin shrugged and tried to go back to writing in his notebook, but all he could think about was the way Arthur was staring at him and waiting for an answer.

He sighed and drew a doodle of a cat in the corner of his notebook. "I may have been looking at pictures of you."

Arthur tossed his head back and laughed. "Why?"

"I got bored," Merlin admitted. "And I was... curious."

"Did you find anything good?" Arthur asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Not really. You're not very photogenic."

Arthur laughed again and stepped closer to run his hands over the edge of Merlin's desk. "You have this whole office to yourself?"

Merlin nodded, glancing around the tiny room. There wasn't much in it -- it was too small for anything other than his desk and a few chairs and shelves -- but it was his.

"It's nice," Arthur said quietly, sounding distracted.

Merlin noticed the tension building in the office and watched Arthur for a moment, taking in his restless fingers and his bitten lips and his darting, unsure eyes.

"Are you all right?"

Arthur shrugged with one shoulder and slowly dragged his gaze up from Merlin's desk to Merlin's face. "I... I came out to my father."

Merlin dropped his pen in surprise. "You -- _what_?"

Arthur nodded, his brow furrowed. "Yeah. I told him."

"What did he say?" Merlin asked, pushing out of his chair and rounding the desk to wrap Arthur in a hug.

"He said that I'll always be his son," Arthur said into Merlin's neck. His hands were clutching at the back of Merlin's shirt and Merlin could feel them trembling slightly.

"That's good," Merlin assured him, rubbing his back gently. "Isn't it?"

Arthur nodded. "I think so. It's probably the best possible reaction he could have, to be honest."

Merlin pulled back slightly and rested his palm on Arthur's cheek. Arthur tilted his head, leaning into Merlin's touch.

"I'm really proud of you," Merlin said, his eyes on Arthur's soft pout. "I know that sounds ridiculous, but I am."

"Thanks. I... I guess I'm proud of myself, too."

"What made you do it?"

Arthur covered Merlin's hand with his own and laced their fingers together as he moved their hands to his chest. "I was talking with Lance about us -- about you, I mean. And I sort of realised that... I mean, I've known for years that I wasn't actually happy and I sort of knew that I wouldn't be until I started being honest about myself with other people, but I had this moment of urgency and I just... I just did it. I knew that if I kept putting it off that I would lose my nerve and nothing would ever happen, so I went up to his office and just sort of... blurted it out."

Merlin traced Arthur's lips with a fingertip and Arthur's lips pursed, pressing a small kiss to Merlin's finger. Merlin replaced his finger with his own lips and Arthur sighed with relief. Arthur's arms wrapped tightly around Merlin's back and Merlin drew out the kiss, not wanting to separate himself from Arthur's mouth.

"Do you have a lot of work?" Arthur asked, his words muffled by the lingering kiss.

"No--"

"Good." Arthur pushed Merlin against the desk and kissed him heartily, fingers already working to undo Merlin's trousers.

"We can't do this here," Merlin hissed when Arthur pushed his pants and trousers down off his hips.

"Is there anyone else here?" Arthur asked sensibly, his expression innocent and curious.

"No, but--"

"Then there's nothing to worry about."

Merlin gripped Arthur's hips tightly, knowing he wouldn't be able to think about anything other than this encounter for as long as he would have this office.

"Please," Arthur breathed just below Merlin's ear. "Please."

Merlin nodded and gasped as Arthur dropped to his knees and nuzzled Merlin's half-hard cock in an unbearably affectionate way, as if Merlin was something precious to be treasured and memorised. Merlin tangled his fingers in Arthur's hair and tried to breathe as he got achingly hard in record time.

"Fuck, Arthur," Merlin moaned when Arthur swallowed his cock to the root as if he'd been doing it for years.

Arthur hollowed his cheeks and pulled back with such a maddening slowness that Merlin was practically choking on his own tongue.

[ ](http://achelseabee.tumblr.com/)

"You're a nightmare," Merlin muttered when Arthur finally reached the head of his cock and licked around it with teasing swirls.

Arthur pulled off Merlin's cock and sat back on his haunches, looking up at Merlin with a frown. "Really? When you did this for me I said you were a wet dream. And you call me a _nightmare_? How is that fair?"

"How is it _fair_ that you're talking so much when you should be doing other things?" Merlin gestured meaningfully at his crotch.

Arthur rolled his eyes and sat perfectly still; he was a picture of patience.

Merlin groaned and reached out to card his fingers through Arthur's hair. "You're perfection," he said in a low voice.

Arthur's eyes lit up as he grinned and moved closer to shower light and teasing kisses over Merlin's balls. Merlin took a deep breath and waited, but Arthur contented himself with touches that weren't nearly enough until Merlin fisted Arthur's hair and tilted his head back.

The sight of Arthur on his knees between Merlin's legs -- his head pushed back and his usually bright blue eyes dark with arousal and his lips wet and already swollen red and parted just so, as if he were silently begging for Merlin to come all over his face -- was too much. Merlin let out a deep groan and pulled Arthur's head back down until he could push his cock past those ready lips.

Arthur moaned eagerly around Merlin's cock and Merlin closed his eyes, resigning himself to the fact that Arthur was going to make him come embarrassingly soon. He gripped the edge of the desk behind him with both of his hands, trying to keep himself from slumping onto the floor or thrusting wildly into Arthur's mouth.

Arthur's tongue flicked mercilessly against the extra-sensitive spot on the underside of Merlin's cock and Merlin's knees buckled slightly. He clung to the desk, gasping and rocking his hips until Arthur sucked so hard that it _hurt_. Merlin came in the moment between an inhale and an exhale, his breath caught in his throat and his cock pulsing hotly in Arthur's mouth.

"Oh my God," Merlin panted when he could breathe again, moving one hand to Arthur's shoulder to steady himself as Arthur continued licking him until his cock was soft and no longer twitching with surprisingly powerful aftershocks.

Arthur sat back, his face flushed and his lips impossibly wet and red, and looked up at Merlin with wild, needy, possessive eyes.

Merlin grabbed Arthur's shirt and pulled him up for a kiss. They stumbled as they switched places, Arthur's hands tangling through Merlin's hair and Merlin's hands fumbled unnecessarily with the drawstring of Arthur's track pants.

There was a distant bang and the sound of someone coughing, and Merlin and Arthur froze mid-grope.

"Was that--"

" _Fuck_ ," Merlin hissed. He tucked himself back into his pants and pulled up his trousers quickly. "It's the cleaning guy," he explained. "It must be 6 o'clock." Arthur paled and Merlin kissed him gently. "Don't worry."

"Um." Arthur looked down and Merlin followed his gaze. Arthur's erection was tenting the front of his track pants in an extremely obvious way.

"Oh," Merlin said dumbly. He stared at it, completely distracted, until there was another, closer bang and Arthur tensed. "Sit in my chair," Merlin suggested. "I'll get my things ready to leave."

"You aren't staying until 7?" Arthur asked.

Merlin shook his head. "Not tonight. Go sit." He pressed a hard kiss to Arthur's lips before starting to clear off his desk.

Arthur settled in Merlin's chair and busied himself with his mobile.

"Good evening, Mr Emrys." Anhora, the elderly cleaning man, stepped into Merlin's office and headed for the rubbish bin, but stopped when he saw Arthur sitting in Merlin's chair.

"This is Arthur," Merlin said, eager to break the tension. "He was just stopping by. Arthur, this is Anhora. He does our cleaning."

Arthur lifted himself off the chair slightly, half-standing but still hidden behind the desk, and shook Anhora's hand. It was obvious that Anhora recognised Arthur and wanted to say something, but he stayed silent as he collected the trash.

"You don't usually have visitors," he said finally, just as it looked like he was about to leave.

"No," Merlin agreed stupidly. "I... he's giving me a lift," he invented. "We're neighbours."

Anhora eyed the two of them carefully and Merlin could see Arthur sinking lower into the chair, his face burning.

"Goodnight," Merlin said when it became clear that Anhora wasn't going to leave without prodding.

Anhora narrowed his eyes but left without anything more than a wave and a nod.

Arthur slumped back in Merlin's chair, limp with relief. "Do you think he heard us?"

Merlin shook his head and leant across his desk for a kiss. "Drive me home?"

"Of course." Arthur grinned and, blushing ever so slightly, took Merlin's hand and led him out of the archives and over to his car. Merlin beamed the whole way, unable and unwilling to try to control the mad grin on his face.

  
**~~~**  


When they reached their floor, Arthur half expected Merlin to kiss him goodnight and go home to do more work or make dinner. His erection had flagged somewhat in the car on the way home, though Merlin's heated looks had kept him half-hard for the whole trip. 

"Are you -- _oomph_." Arthur grunted as Merlin pushed him against his own door and kissed him senseless until he was fully hard again and his cock was straining against Merlin's thigh.

"Can I come in?" Merlin asked with a mischievous grin.

Arthur nodded breathlessly and turned to fight with his lock for a moment. When they were finally inside, Merlin wasted no time in removing all of Arthur's clothes. Before he even knew what was happening, Arthur found himself completely naked and standing in front of a very clothed Merlin.

"Well, this isn't fair," Arthur complained, crossing his arms over his chest.

Merlin grinned and turned, shedding items of clothing as he made his way toward Arthur's bedroom. Arthur locked his door quickly and followed to find Merlin sitting on his bed up near the pillows, marvellously long and thin and naked.

Arthur crawled on top of him, pausing briefly to give his half-hard cock a firm lick, and kissed him until they were both panting and practically clawing at each other. Merlin was writhing beneath Arthur, seeking friction, and it was driving Arthur slightly out of his mind.

"You're such a tease," Merlin complained, reaching down between them and wrapping his fingers around both of their cocks.

Arthur watched Merlin's hand for a few seconds, biting his lip and remembering the first time he and Merlin had shaken hands -- back on that strange morning when they had been teamed up to play Taboo -- and he had noticed how long and thin Merlin's fingers were. They had been striking then, but now they were pulling on both of their cocks with a firm, expert grip. Arthur dropped his forehead onto Merlin's shoulder and tried to control his breathing; he didn't want to come yet.

Merlin's other hand came up to the back of Arthur's head and Arthur almost cried out at the feeling of being wrapped in Merlin and held by Merlin and shielded from the rest of the world by Merlin.

"You have no idea what you do to me," Arthur rasped, dragging his lips from Merlin's shoulder to Merlin's ear. Merlin's hips twitched slightly and Arthur licked up the shell of Merlin's ear before he continued. "I want you so badly -- I've wanted you for so long. Fuck, you're gorgeous and I want -- I want..."

Merlin's fingers tightened briefly around their cocks but then he let go and kissed Arthur. It was tense and desperate and too full of teeth, but it made Arthur groan and start rutting against Merlin's hip anyway.

"What do you want?" Merlin gasped when Arthur tore away to suck on his neck.

Arthur moved down slightly and chose a spot just below one of Merlin's prominent collarbones; he kissed it lightly before wrapping his lips around the skin and sucking hard enough to leave a bruise. Merlin moaned and arched up against him, fingers scrambling across his back for something to hold onto.

"What do you want?" Merlin asked again, his voice hoarse and wrecked and rough with desire. The sound went straight to Arthur's cock, which throbbed and leaked precome over Merlin's thigh.

Merlin grabbed Arthur's hair and pulled him up. "What. Do you want."

Arthur could feel his eyes widening at the crazed expression on Merlin's face. "I want you," he managed. "I want -- I want to fuck you."

Merlin tossed his head back on the pillow and thrust his hips up against Arthur's a few times, groaning.

Arthur sat up quickly and braced his hands across Merlin's thighs, knowing he would come if it he let Merlin hump him like that for any longer. Merlin was panting beneath Arthur on the bed, his face flushed and his cock hard and red and dripping. The dark lines of his tattoo were in stark contrast to his pale skin and Arthur couldn't stop staring at it. Arthur slid his hands up to Merlin's chest and brushed his fingers over Merlin's nipples, relishing in how solid and warm Merlin was. Arthur was strong, but Merlin was strong, too; he ran and he did yoga, and his body had sharp angles and defined muscles.

"Please," Merlin whinged, his back arching off the bed and into Arthur's touch.

Arthur slid his hands down to Merlin's thin waist and narrow, straight hips.

"You want... are you sure?"

Merlin nodded. "Please tell me you have lube."

Arthur grinned and rolled to the side of the bed to root around in his side table. He found condoms and lube and sat back up with them, remembering what he had found in Merlin's side table.

"Um."

Merlin reached out and ran his hands over Arthur's thighs. "What?"

"Your... do you..." Arthur bit his lip and stared down at the supplies in his hands. "You had a lot more exciting things in your nightstand."

Merlin propped himself up on his elbows. "I forgot you saw all that," he admitted.

Arthur shrugged and twisted open the lube. "Do you want... anything? Because we can go across the hall and get something, if you need."

Merlin struggled to sit up with Arthur straddling his thighs, but he managed and pulled Arthur in for a hard kiss. "No, I don't need that. Those are just for fun -- for sometimes. I only want you."

Arthur pushed Merlin back onto the bed, something new and unnameable flaring in his chest. He poured lube over his fingers and pushed Merlin's legs apart.

Merlin moaned happily when Arthur pushed his first finger in easily.

Arthur tried to go slowly, to give them both time to cool down and come back from the edge, but Merlin wasn't have any of that. He was fucking himself enthusiastically on Arthur's fingers, trying to get Arthur to move faster. Arthur couldn't help but comply; it took no time at all for him to have three fingers shoved inside Merlin's arse and he was thrusting and twisting and curling them all, trying to get Merlin to beg for it.

It didn't take long.

"Stop teasing me," Merlin panted, his hips twisting up off the bed as Arthur's rhythm slowed. "God, you're terrible."

Arthur laughed and pulled his fingers out. Merlin groaned and fell limply onto the bed, already looking completely fucked out.

"If you don't fuck me," Merlin said, reaching out lazily and trailing his fingers across Arthur's balls, "then I am walking out of your flat _naked_ and going back to my own and fucking myself on a huge vibrating dildo."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "I don't believe you."

Merlin groaned and tugged roughly on Arthur's balls. " _Please_."

Arthur nodded wordlessly and busied himself with the condom and more lube. When he was ready, he settled himself between Merlin's legs and tried not to think too hard about what he was about to do.

Merlin flung his legs up and around Arthur, hooking his knees over Arthur's shoulders and dragging himself into Arthur's lap. Arthur gaped down at Merlin, who was grinning.

"Fuck me, Pendragon," he said in a low, teasing voice.

Arthur choked out a laugh and grabbed his cock, pressing the tip of it to Merlin's slick hole, which was on full display for him.

Merlin pushed forward impatiently and Arthur couldn't stop the groans that fell past his lips as Merlin's tight muscles relaxed for a second to allow him in and then gripped the head of his cock with impossible heat.

It felt nothing like being with a woman, but Arthur halted that train of thought immediately; he didn't want to think about women or anyone else he had ever been with. He was with Merlin now and Merlin was the only one who mattered.

"Come on," Merlin breathed, digging his heels into Arthur's back.

Arthur held on to Merlin's thighs hard enough to leave bruises and slid the rest of the way into him. Merlin moaned and shifted, his arse squirming in Arthur's lap and his muscles massaging Arthur's cock in a strange and overwhelming way.

Finally, Merlin stilled and let out a satisfying groan that had Arthur's hips twitching to start moving.

"Good?" Arthur asked, surprised by how rough his voice was.

Merlin nodded, his eyes half-closed.

Arthur sucked in a deep breath through clenched teeth and, still grasping at Merlin's thighs, began rocking his hips. Merlin immediately started sighing and panting in pleasure, and the sounds spurred Arthur on to thrust quicker and harder until Merlin was moaning loudly and gripping Arthur's sheets.

"Fucking -- unh, ah!" Merlin whimpered and reached for his cock, stroking it quickly and without much rhythm.

Arthur groaned at the sight, hot tension coiling low in his stomach as his release built, and leant down for a kiss. Merlin folded easily in half and cried out as Arthur smashed their lips together, his hips rocking frantically against Arthur's.

"Arthur," Merlin moaned into Arthur's mouth. "I can't -- I'm so -- oh, _God_ , Arthur -- Arthur, Arthur, _Ar_ thur."

Arthur pressed his face hard into Merlin's neck and came hard to the sound of Merlin chanting his name like he _needed_ it. His rhythm stuttered and then stilled as he pushed hard into Merlin one last time and stayed there, gasping harshly as his body thrummed.

Merlin arched off the bed, bringing Arthur with him, and fell back on it with a groan as he came over them both. Arthur cried out as Merlin's arse contracted around his cock and sent shocks of harsh pleasure through him.

"Fucking hell," Merlin wheezed a moment later, still stroking his softening cock.

Arthur sat up gingerly and Merlin's legs flopped back to the bed with a bounce. He pulled out slowly, watching Merlin's face tensing and relaxing again once they were separated.

"Come here," Merlin said, pulling lazily and pointlessly at Arthur's thigh.

"Hold on." Arthur got off the bed and pulled off the condom on his way to the bathroom. After tossing it in the trash, he ran a washcloth under warm water and returned to his bed, finding Merlin in the same position as he'd left him.

"God, you're sweet," Merlin whispered, playing with the hair at the back of Arthur's neck as Arthur gently wiped off his front.

Arthur cleaned up Merlin's hand, cock, and arse before hurriedly rubbing the washcloth down his own front and tossing it onto the floor. He fell on top of Merlin and rolled them onto their sides, wrapping his arms and legs around Merlin and nuzzling Merlin's neck.

"Easy," Merlin whispered, hugging Arthur close.

Arthur breathed in deeply and waited a few beats before kissing a trail up from Merlin's neck to his lips. The kiss drifted and softened and lingered and drifted again until Merlin pulled back.

"So, that was really good," he said cheekily, smiling widely.

Arthur laughed and loosened his grip on Merlin, letting them both roll onto their backs.

"Yeah," he agreed, staring up at the ceiling. "That was really, really good."

Merlin slipped his hand into Arthur's and tangled their fingers together. "This has been quite a night for you."

Arthur nodded. "I guess so."

"Do you want to go celebrate?"

Arthur turned his head to look at Merlin's eager face. "Celebrate what?"

"Coming out to your father," Merlin said, squeezing Arthur's hand. "And having gay sex."

Arthur licked his lips, trying not to laugh. "What sort of celebration are you suggesting?"

"Greasy food and good beer."

"The Dragon?"

"The Dragon."

Arthur sighed and rolled onto his side, bringing his and Merlin's hands up to his lips. He pressed a kiss to Merlin's fingers and brushed his thumb over Merlin's.

"I don't want to share you with anyone else," he admitted, watching Merlin's lips curve slowly into a smile. "I know that's stupid, but--"

"It's not stupid. It's..."

"Stupid," Arthur supplied.

"Romantic," Merlin corrected. "If you want, you can come over to mine and we can have dinner and wine there."

"Do you really feel like moving?" Arthur asked. He was perfectly content to stay there on his bed with Merlin all night, chatting about nothing until they fell asleep.

"No," Merlin admitted. "But we should probably eat."

Arthur nodded, knowing there was no way that Merlin was going to let him skip out on dinner that night. "Can we just order Chinese and eat naked in bed?"

Merlin laughed and pressed a wide, smiling kiss to Arthur's lips. "I would say yes, but I don't think the delivery boy would be too pleased if we answered the door naked. Besides, that would be messy." He sat up, yawned, and turned to look down at Arthur. "But we can order Chinese and eat half-naked on your couch and watch a movie, if you want."

Arthur sat up and kissed Merlin's bare shoulder. "Yes, I want that," he whispered.

"Do you have menus?"

"Kitchen."

Merlin gave Arthur a short kiss before slipping off the bed and heading toward the kitchen, still naked. Arthur watched until he was out of sight and collapsed back on the bed with a grin and a sigh. The last few hours had been a strange whirlwind but now that he had a moment to himself, he realised that he hadn't felt so happy and so _himself_ in years, if ever.

"Am I supposed to guess what you want?" Merlin asked, leaning in Arthur's doorway.

Smiling, Arthur got up and followed Merlin into the kitchen to decide on dinner.

**~**

Arthur woke up the next morning with his mouth full of Merlin's hair. Still half-asleep, he turned his head the other way and took a deep breath that didn't smell like sweat or shampoo. He licked his lips and buried his face in the pillow, waiting to drift off again. 

"Time's'it?" Merlin's voice drifted over from the other pillow.

Arthur forced himself to open one eye. His vision was too blurry to make out the alarm clock, so he blinked a few times until it cleared.

"Six fifteen."

Merlin let out a low, rumbly groan before rolling out from under Arthur's arm. Arthur sighed into his pillow and closed his eyes again, hoping for just a few more minutes of sleep. He wasn't ready to get up and go to the club. He wanted to stay in bed with Merlin and pretend that the rest of the world didn't exist.

"I have to shower," Merlin said, sounding like he would rather do anything else in the world.

Arthur counted slowly to five to give himself several pointless more seconds of rest before shifting onto his back.

"Why isn't it Sunday?" he mumbled, rubbing his hands over his face.

"What's Sunday?" Merlin asked around a yawn.

"My day off." Arthur arched his back off the bed, stretching. His limbs tingled and he stifled a yawn of his own.

Merlin curled up on his side and rested his head on Arthur's middle. "It's too early for life."

Arthur chuckled. "We could shower together. That might make the morning more bearable."

Merlin pressed his nose into one of the dips between Arthur's abs. "You're sexy."

Arthur smiled and ran his fingers through Merlin's messy hair. "You're not really awake yet, are you?"

Merlin mumbled something unintelligible to Arthur's navel.

Arthur closed his eyes and tried to stay conscious. He knew they should get up and set about their daily business, but he didn't actually want to suggest it.

"You smell like sex," Merlin said just as Arthur was nodding off again.

"That's rather your fault," Arthur mumbled. He forced himself to open his eyes and saw Merlin looking up at him, grinning.

"I suppose so. Very well, I take full responsibility." Merlin moved up to press his whole body against Arthur's side. He gave Arthur a quick kiss on the lips and another one on the nose. "Good morning."

Arthur slipped his arm around Merlin's shoulders. "Good morning."

Merlin moved in for another kiss and Arthur pulled him closer, letting it deepen until Merlin placed a hand on Arthur's chest and pushed away.

"I don't think we have time for that," he said, smiling knowingly.

"We have time," Arthur protested. "I can stay in bed until 7, as long as I don't keep procrastinating after that."

Merlin leant forward as if for another kiss, but seemed to think better of it. He rested his head on Arthur's shoulder instead and let his fingers play with the barbell in Arthur's nipple. Arthur tried not to react, but tension coiled in his chest and spread down to his half-hard cock.

"I thought you said we didn't have time for that."

Merlin moved his hand away and shot Arthur a guilty smile. "Sorry." He pressed a quick kiss to the side of Arthur's neck. "How long have you had that pierced?"

"A few years, I think. One of my ex-girlfriends suggested it."

"Really? And you went along with it?"

"Yeah. I figured, you know, if I didn't like it then I could just take it out after we'd split. But... I did like it. So, I kept it."

Merlin hummed and nodded, his fingers tracing patterns between the freckles on Arthur's chest. It was something girls had done before and Arthur had never really thought much of it, but now he was watching Merlin with fascination. He wanted Merlin to have all of him, to see all of him; he wanted Merlin to be the one person who knew his body, the same way he wanted to be the one person who knew Merlin's body and all of it's small details.

"What was it like, dating all those women?" Merlin asked quietly.

"Boring. And... and terrible. I felt _terrible_ leading all those girls on like that, pretending that I liked them, pretending... pretending to want them. I can't even remember half their names at this point because there have been so many of them." Arthur closed his eyes as Merlin's fingers stilled on his skin. "I was a horrible person."

"People have done worse things than dating women they weren't really interested in," Merlin said soothingly.

Arthur shook his head. "I lied to all of them. They deserved better."

"Maybe. But it's in the past and you can make up for it by learning from your mistakes and only dating people you care about from now on. Besides, it's never too late for apologies."

Arthur took a deep breath and nodded, curling his fingers through Merlin's hair. "I guess you're right."

Merlin pressed another kiss to Arthur's neck. "Do you want to hear some of my secrets, now that you've told me all of yours?"

"Not _all_ of mine," Arthur protested. "I'm sure I have some left."

"Save them for a rainy day. It's my turn."

Arthur chuckled and rested his chin on the top of Merlin's head. "Okay. Tell me your secrets."

"I had syphilis once," Merlin said calmly.

Arthur lifted his chin and tugged on Merlin's hair until Merlin turned to look up at him. "What?"

"Just the once," Merlin said, smiling innocently. "I got a penicillin injection and it cleared right up."

"How did you get it?" Arthur asked warily.

"I had sex."

Arthur rolled his eyes and pushed Merlin off him. Merlin laughed and immediately cuddled back up to Arthur's side.

"It was my first year in Paris, at my master's program. I was sleeping with this guy and he didn't know he had it and we didn't necessarily make the safest choices, so..." Merlin shrugged. "Anyway, like I said, penicillin fixed it and it's like the whole thing never happened."

Arthur drummed his fingers on Merlin's shoulder. "What did the bloke say?"

"He apologised," Merlin said, laughing quietly. "There wasn't much else he could say. He didn't do it on purpose but he was still embarrassed. He wouldn't have sex with me for weeks, even after we were both clean."

Arthur's fingers stilled and he fought not to drop his hand away from Merlin's shoulder. "Wait, you stayed with him after he gave you syphilis?"

Merlin shrugged. "Yeah. Like I said, he hadn't done it on purpose. I really liked him so there was no reason not to stay with him. It was just a mistake. I was to blame as much as he was."

"But you weren't the one with syphilis."

"No," Merlin agreed. "But it's not like he killed anyone. It was just a bit of a rash."

Arthur pulled a face at the unwanted images flashing through his mind. "Merlin--"

"I mean, after you've suffered through syphilis together, things can only get better."

Arthur had to laugh at Merlin's optimism. "All right, so you stayed with him through syphilis. How'd you break up, then? What's worse than syphilis?"

"It wasn't anything bad," Merlin said quietly. "I just left France. I came back here. Neither one of us wanted a long-distance relationship, so we ended it."

Arthur tensed. "You said you got it during your first year."

"Yeah."

"You were with him the whole time you were there?"

Merlin propped himself up on one arm and gave Arthur a long, serious look. "You're jealous."

"I'm not," Arthur lied. "I just..."

Merlin smirked. "You are, too. You're jealous of the bloke that gave me syphilis."

"I'm definitely not jealous of that," Arthur mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "What was his name?"

"Julius. He was very rugged. He ate raw eggs for breakfast and chopped down trees with his bare hands."

"Very funny."

"I know, I'm hilarious." Merlin moved up for a quick kiss. "You know you have nothing to be jealous of, right? That was years ago. Besides, he gave me syphilis."

Arthur cracked a small smile. "You're right. That was a bit irrational."

"Yeah, but it was sort of... sexy, almost. I can't even remember the last time I managed to make someone jealous."

Arthur turned onto his side and pulled Merlin in for a long kiss, trying to erase all other partners from either of their memories. Merlin's fingers tangled themselves in Arthur's hair and tipped his head back until his neck was fully exposed. Arthur groaned as Merlin started sucking a trail just under his jawline.

"Fuck the club," he rasped as Merlin's hand pushed into his pants. "I'm staying here with you."

"We'll be quick," Merlin promised, pumping his hand over Arthur's cock.

Arthur tried to pull off Merlin's pants but his mobile rang, startling them both. He grabbed it off the nightstand to check the screen, fully intending on ignoring it if it was anyone other than George.

"Who is it?" Merlin asked, his hand slowing down.

"Lance."

"You should answer it," Merlin said sensibly. He pulled his hand out of Arthur's pants and sat up, looking annoyingly unaffected by what they had just been doing.

Arthur sighed and answered the call. "Yeah."

"Hey, can I come up?"

"What?" Arthur glanced over to see Merlin taking off his pants. He raised an eyebrow in question, but Merlin just smirked and started stroking himself quickly. Heat prickled across the back of Arthur's neck and his mouth went dry as he watched.

"I'm close to yours," Lance explained. "I've got breakfast and coffee. Can I come up?"

"Um--"

"I'll be there in five." Lance hung up before Arthur could respond.

"What'd he say?" Merlin asked, his voice low and raspy.

"He said he'll be here in five," Arthur said, unable to tear his gaze from Merlin's hand.

"We'd better hurry then," Merlin said sensibly. He straddled Arthur's thighs and settled his weight down on them, his hand picking up speed.

"Fuck," Arthur breathed, reaching for his own cock. He tugged on himself roughly, desperate not to get interrupted by Lance's imminent arrival.

Merlin moaned, his eyes on Arthur's cock, and started thrusting his hips into his hand. He was twisting his hand with each pass over the head of his cock, and his other hand was curled around his balls. Arthur could imagine his fingertips pressing into the sensitive skin behind them, or maybe even into his own arse.

" _Merlin_ ," Arthur groaned through his teeth and came in a rush, his hips jerking under Merlin's weight.

Merlin shifted up slightly, his hand a blur over his cock. Arthur watched and continued stroking himself lightly, drawing out the pleasure as long as he could.

Arthur's doorbell rang loudly and Merlin gasped in surprise before coming all over Arthur's chest.

"Oh God," Merlin panted, slumping back down on Arthur's thighs and giving his cock a few last tugs. "Sorry."

"You're apologizing for what, exactly?"

"He's here," Merlin said breathlessly. "And you're covered in come."

Arthur glanced down at his chest and burst out laughing. Merlin gave him an odd look but Arthur just shook his head and reached up, pulling Merlin down for a kiss.

"Get dressed and answer the door," he whispered against Merlin's lips. "I'll be out in a minute."

"You're sure?"

Arthur nodded and Merlin grinned brightly and gave him another kiss before getting off the bed. He slipped on his pants and went out to the living room to find the rest of his clothes. Arthur stayed on his bed for a moment to catch his breath, but then he heard Merlin open the door and he had to make a quick escape to the bathroom before Lance saw him.

He took a thirty second shower, dried off quickly, and pulled on the first clean clothes he could find. When he made it into the kitchen, Lance and Merlin were chatting easily and eating scrambled eggs out of a plastic container.

"Morning, Sunshine," Lance teased, holding out a fork. "Dig in."

Arthur helped himself to the eggs and sausages that Lance had brought and listened as they continued their conversation about Gwen. Apparently Lance had stayed at hers last night.

"I should go," Merlin said once the eggs were all gone. "I need to shower and put on different clothes."

Arthur started in on the fruit salad as Merlin shook Lance's hand and thanked him for the breakfast.

"I'll see you around," Merlin said to Arthur, his lips quirked in a small smile.

"You'd better," Arthur teased.

Merlin grinned and kissed Arthur on the cheek, but Arthur pulled him back for a proper kiss, not really caring that Lance saw. The kiss lingered a little longer than necessary and Lance actually cleared his throat before they pulled away. Merlin was blushing and Arthur couldn't help but go in for another quick peck.

"Bye. Have a good day."

Merlin grinned, looking a bit breathless, and waved as he left to go across the hall. Arthur watched the door for a moment, feeling Lance's eyes on him.

Finally, he turned back to the fruit and popped a few pieces of pineapple into his mouth.

"So," Lance said, the grin evident in his voice. "That seems to be going well."

Arthur shrugged as nonchalantly as he could and forced himself to look up and meet Lance's teasing gaze. "Fairly well, yeah."

Lance beamed. "Good."

Arthur nodded and filled his mouth with more fruit to stop himself from smiling. He could definitely get used to mornings like this.

"Are you ever going to thank me, by the way?" Lance asked as he passed Arthur a cup of coffee.

Arthur knew he wasn't talking about the breakfast. "Maybe someday."

Lance laughed and shoved at Arthur's shoulder. Arthur shoved him right back, no longer able to hold back his smile.

  
**~~~**  


On Friday night, after dinner and several rounds of drinks at the Dragon under Kilian's wide-eyed scrutiny, Merlin followed Arthur up to his flat, shoved him onto the couch, crawled into his lap, and kissed him. 

"You have a match tomorrow?" Merlin asked, trying to keep his voice calm and unaffected as Arthur's hand made its way into his pants.

Arthur hummed in agreement and licked up Merlin's neck.

"What are you--" Merlin cut himself off with a gasp when Arthur's fingers twisted over the head of his cock. "What are you doing after?"

"You," Arthur said simply.

Merlin tried to laugh but Arthur tightened his grip and it came out as a moan.

"I was thinking you could -- _fuck_ \-- come to the Unicorn with us."

Arthur's hand slowed until he was simply holding Merlin's cock. He kept his gaze down until Merlin lifted his chin gently.

"Us?" Arthur asked.

Merlin frowned at Arthur's wounded expression. "Me and Freya and... well, probably Morgana."

"Merlin--"

"And Elyan and Gwen," Merlin continued, talking over Arthur. "Gwen even invited Lance."

Arthur stiffened and drew his hand out of Merlin's pants. "She what?"

Merlin shifted off Arthur's lap and sat next to him instead. "She invited Lance. He said he'll come... said it'll be fun."

"Good for him," Arthur muttered, staring down at his knees.

"It's just a club," Merlin said slowly. "Gwaine was there and no one noticed or cared. No one is going to care if Lance if there. No one is going to care if _you_ are there."

"You don't understand."

"You could help me."

Arthur shook his head and Merlin sighed.

"I'm not going," Arthur said flatly.

"Do you think you'll ever want to?" Merlin asked before he could stop himself.

"I doubt it."

Merlin sighed again but decided to let it go. Arthur had taken a lot of big steps recently and maybe he just needed to slow down for a while. Coming out to his best friend and his father was one thing but going out to a gay club was a different thing entirely, and Merlin could respect that. He could accept that he had pushed for too much too soon.

"Do you mind if I go?" he asked gently, reaching out to play with Arthur's hair.

Arthur leant away from Merlin's hand. "I don't care," he said moodily. "Go. Find someone... else to dance with. Someone _out_ and _proud_ and not a complete cock."

"You're not -- that's _not_ what I do there."

Arthur shrugged. "Maybe you should just leave. I have a game tomorrow. I need sleep."

"I'm not leaving," Merlin protested. "Not like this. I'm not mad at you, Arthur. I completely understand--"

"You don't understand!" Arthur exclaimed as he got to his feet. "I'm not mad at you either. I'm mad at _me_. Just leave -- please."

Merlin watched helplessly as Arthur moved toward his bedroom.

"Arthur, don't -- come on, it's not--"

"I can't," Arthur said with a pained look, his hand on the doorknob. "I can't do this tonight."

He shut himself into his room and Merlin heard the lock clicking into place.

Merlin waited for a few minutes, sitting dejectedly on Arthur's couch and trying not to literally kick himself for pushing his stupid Unicorn invitation on Arthur way too soon.

He picked up one of the fortune cookies that were still sitting on the coffee table from the other night and turned it over in his hands a few times, thinking about that night and how nice it had been to fall asleep next to Arthur and wake up next to Arthur and how that was something he could really see himself getting used to. Merlin pulled off the wrapper, cracked open the cookie, and read his fortune.

  


_Fear and desire -- two sides of the same coin._  


It made him want to laugh as much as it made him want to cry and scream, so he just sighed and turned the fortune over to scribble a note on the back.

  


_I'm sorry. Have a good game tomorrow. Call me any time._  


He slipped it under Arthur's door and went back to his own flat. He wanted to call someone to come over and get drunk with him, but Freya was with Morgana and Gwen was with Lance and Elyan would ask too many questions. Instead, he curled up on his bed with Marie Antoinette and watched old French movies until he fell asleep.

  
**~~~**  


Arthur was beyond exhausted by the time he finally crawled into bed on Saturday night. The game that morning had been long and difficult; they had gone into extra time and unfortunately Valiant had been the one to finally score and break the draw. Of course, that meant that he had been absolutely unbearable in the locker room afterward. Then Arthur had gotten pulled into a press conference with him and forced to smile and talk about Valiant's strengths. 

When Arthur had gotten home, he had forced himself to eat a slice of toast because he'd skipped breakfast, but then he skipped dinner as well and spent the rest of the day playing furious, mind-numbing video games.

He had tried calling Merlin -- to apologize or explain or just say hello -- but Merlin hadn't picked up. Arthur knew, rationally, that it was just because Merlin was at the Unicorn and probably didn't hear it ring or didn't want to pick up because of all the loud music, but that didn't make it hurt any less. Merlin was out having fun with his friends -- with Arthur's friends, too -- and Arthur was home alone, miserable.

It had taken a lot of effort to avoid Lance before and after the game, especially because Lance so clearly wanted to chat with Arthur about their plans for the night, but Arthur had succeeded in shrugging him off every single time. He hadn't felt good about it, though; in fact, he had really wanted to talk to Lance about what going to the Unicorn might actually be like for them. He just hadn't been able to bring himself to do it, not when he and Merlin were at odds.

Arthur really did want to go to the Unicorn, at least in theory. He wanted to grind against Merlin's arse in the middle of a writhing crowd of hot, sweaty strangers who were all getting off on the close contact and pounding music. He wanted to be able to go out places with his boyfriend -- if Merlin was in fact his boyfriend -- but he was too scared. He wasn't ready to face public judgement like that. He had only just come out to the people he knew and while he was planning on coming out to the rest of the world at some point, it wasn't going to happen any time soon.

When Merlin hadn't picked up, Arthur had taken a long shower and curled up under his covers, wondering if Merlin was capable of ever understanding. Their lives were so different and Arthur knew it was selfish to ask Merlin to be with him and support him while he came out, but he wanted it so badly.

It took Arthur almost an hour to find a comfortable enough position to fall asleep, and of course once he was finally starting to drift off, there was a loud chorus of knocking on his door.

Arthur stayed where he was, hoping it would stop if he just ignored it. It was probably just some drunken neighbour.

He sat up in a flash and ran to the door in his briefs. Merlin was standing out in the hallway, covered in glitter and holding the lizard tank.

"Can I come in? This is very heavy."

Arthur stepped aside speechlessly and watched as Merlin struggled through the door and set the tank down on the coffee table with a loud clunk.

"I'm really drunk," Merlin admitted, stumbling back over to Arthur and wrapping his sparkling arms around Arthur's middle. "And I'm really sorry about last night. And I just really want to cuddle."

Arthur clenched his fists in the back of Merlin's shirt and relaxed into the hug. "You don't have anything to be sorry for," he said quietly.

Merlin sighed into Arthur's neck and Arthur shivered at the gust of hot air over his skin. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" he asked in a small voice.

"Of course."

"I don't mean sex," Merlin said seriously.

Arthur smiled. "I know."

"Okay. I smell like the club, though."

"I don't mind," Arthur said honestly. He took Merlin's hand in his and led the way to his bedroom, where he helped Merlin out of his tight clothes.

"I really missed you," Merlin mumbled as he crawled up Arthur's bed. He landed with his face in the pillow and lay there limply while Arthur pulled the covers out from under him and placed them over his glittering body. "Last night," he continued, speaking into Arthur's pillow. "And today. And tonight."

Arthur slid into bed next to Merlin and petted his hair gently. "I missed you too."

"You shouldn't close yourself off like that."

"I know."

"It's not fair."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Merlin turned to look at Arthur and Arthur could see that most of the glitter on his face had already rubbed off onto the pillowcase. "You are?"

Arthur nodded and drew his thumb along the line of Merlin's jaw. "Yes."

Merlin smiled brightly and Arthur mirrored it without effort. "I really like you, Arthur."

Arthur closed his eyes against the feelings -- the same unnameable ones from the other night, when Merlin had said, "I only want you" -- bursting in his chest. "Why?"

"Because you're beautiful," Merlin said simply. "You try really hard to be a good person and you can admit when you miss the mark. Not everyone can do that. You're kind and you're funny and you're unlike anyone I've ever met before. Your life is so strange but you handle it so well and you're really, really pretty."

Arthur opened his eyes. "Pretty?"

"Your blue eyes," Merlin said softly. "And your Roman nose."

"My -- my _Roman_ nose?" Arthur asked, laughing.

"Yes," Merlin said seriously, tracing the length of Arthur's nose with a fingertip. "And your lips -- God, your lips. They're so wide and chapped and _perfect_ for sucking cock -- fuck, you have no idea."

Arthur laughed again but was cut off by Merlin kissing him, wet and messy. 

"Wow," Arthur said, pulling back and licking the strange taste off his lips. "What the fuck did you have to drink?"

"I don't know," Merlin admitted. "Morgana chose all my drinks. They were mostly blue."

Arthur shook his head. "You should know better than to let Morgana choose anything."

Merlin shrugged. "True. Okay, it's your turn."

"My turn for what?"

"To tell me why you like me."

"How do you know I like you?" Arthur teased.

"Because you called me."

Arthur frowned. "You -- you saw my call?"

"Of course. Not right away, but I came straight home as soon as I did."

Arthur sighed and closed his eyes again. "Fuck, Merlin. That -- that's why I like you."

"Because I come when you call?" Merlin asked, his voice light and teasing.

"Because you're insanely loyal and nice even when you don't have to be." Arthur forced himself to look at Merlin, who was watching him with wide, curious eyes. "And because you play board games with your friends every weekend."

"You like me because I'm a nerd?"

"Yes."

Merlin grinned, apparently pleased by Arthur's answer. "Do you like me because I wear glitter?"

"God, yes."

"Do you like me because I let you fuck me?"

Arthur laughed and shook his head. "Well, it certainly doesn't hurt."

Merlin yawned loudly into Arthur's pillow and Arthur watched more glitter rub off. "Do you like to be the big spoon or the little spoon?"

It took Arthur a few seconds to realise what Merlin was asking. "Oh. Um. I... I don't know. I'm pretty much always the big spoon. Girls don't usually... offer to do that."

"That will change one day," Merlin said, turning onto his side and slotting his back against Arthur's chest. "And when that day comes, I will spoon the shit out of you."

"Sounds painful." Arthur wrapped one arm tightly around Merlin, pulling him closer.

"It won't be. I promise."

"I believe you."

"Good, because I'm very drunk and when I'm very drunk I only speak the truth. I also demand to be the small spoon. I hope you don't mind."

Arthur chuckled and slid one of his ankles between Merlin's. "I don't mind."

"Will you tell me about your tattoos?" Merlin asked, his voice barely more than a whisper. "Strength and honour."

"I got them when I joined the first-team. I... I thought they were really meaningful at the time."

"They are. You are full of strength _and_ honour. I would vouch for you."

Arthur grinned into Merlin's hair. "Thanks. I do try."

"You do try. And that's why I like you so much. We've been over this already."

"Yes, we have."

"Do you want to know about my tattoo?"

"Yes." Arthur trailed his fingers over it, even though he couldn't see it because they were under the covers.

"I got it in France, when I was doing my masters. I used to go to this park near the university and sit under this one tree all the time, and one day this random man came up to me and handed me a drawing he had done of me sitting under the tree. I took it to a tattoo artist and told him I wanted it on my side, as big as he could make it, and I wanted it with words on the leaves."

"What do they say?"

Merlin paused and Arthur waited for a long while, wondering if Merlin had fallen asleep.

He whispered the words in French first, slowly and rhythmically. Arthur wondered if it was a poem and what the words meant in English. Were they about the tree? Or about being somewhere far from home?

"They have no memories, no plans," Merlin translated quietly. "Time takes shape painlessly around them. Their sole landmarks are the taste of the moment and the markings on the walls."

Arthur let the words float over him and found them strangely calming. He rolled the words around slowly in his head, letting the meaning sink in. "That's beautiful."

"It's from a movie," Merlin explained. "A French movie. We should watch it."

"We should," Arthur agreed. "But first we should sleep."

Merlin hummed in agreement and snuggled back against Arthur. "Goodnight."

Arthur rested his forehead against Merlin's hair and closed his eyes. "Goodnight."

**~**

Arthur woke up to the sounds of Matilda's incessant, hungry meowing and Merlin's deep, rumbly snoring. He listened to them both for a moment as he waited for his eyes to start working properly in the dim room. Finally, he sat up and dropped his feet onto the floor. That seemed to satisfy Matilda because she ran off into the kitchen to wait by her food bowl. 

Arthur stood and stretched lazily, turning to look down at Merlin. His face was mostly obscured by the pillow, but Arthur could see his mouth hanging open slightly. His bare arms were flopped ungracefully in front of him. He didn't look nearly as delicate as he had the first time Arthur had seen him sleeping on the night Arthur had read him the _Phantom Tollbooth_. With the exception of his still wondrously long eyelashes and his glittery eyelids, he simply looked like a man who was sleeping off a long night of drinking.

Matilda let out a particularly threatening _meow_ and Arthur left his room to feed her. He stroked her gently as she ate and she completely ignored him and it all felt very normal. But then Arthur saw the lizard tank on his coffee table and he realised that as long as Merlin was around, his life was never going to be anything like "normal" ever again. The thought made him smile.

Arthur took Marie Antoinette carefully out of his tank and brought him into the bedroom. He wiggled in Arthur's grip so Arthur kept one hand underneath him, making sure that if he broke free he wouldn't fall to the floor.

Merlin was sitting up in Arthur's bed, looking bleary and disoriented and strangely beautiful.

"Oh my God, I brought the lizard," Merlin said groggily as Arthur sat down next to him.

"You brought the whole tank, mate." Arthur set the lizard down and he waddled around on the rumpled covers for a while until he came to rest on Arthur's pillow. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel a lot better than I taste." Merlin smacked his lips and grimaced.

"You can brush your teeth if you'd like," Arthur said, gesturing toward the bathroom. "I've... got some extra toothbrushes." Merlin raised an eyebrow and Arthur shrugged. "I know how that sounds but it's the truth."

Merlin laughed and pushed himself off the bed with a groan. When he came back a few minutes later his face was washed mostly free of glitter, but his hair looked even messier than it had before.

"Do you just buy a new toothbrush every time you go out?" he asked, flopping back down on the bed and stretching out comfortably.

"Maybe."

Marie Antoinette was still staking claim on Arthur's pillow, so Arthur rolled onto his stomach next to Merlin and propped himself up on his elbows. Merlin reached out and ruffled his hair gently.

"I got glitter all over your sheets," he said guiltily.

"The sheets can be washed."

"They definitely should be." Merlin let his fingers slide along Arthur's jaw before he dropped his hand onto the bed. "Thanks for letting me crash here last night."

"It wasn't a problem at all. It was quite enjoyable, actually."

"I talk a lot of rubbish when I've had that many girly drinks."

"You talk a lot of rubbish when you're dead sober," Arthur pointed out.

"Well... yes. I guess that's true." Merlin smiled slightly and ran his fingers up and down Arthur's arm. "How was your game?"

"It was shitty," Arthur said honestly. "We won in the end but it was a miserable fight."

"Did you score?"

Arthur shook his head. "No. I was... unlucky."

"How's your season going?"

Arthur couldn't help but laugh. "It's so weird that you don't know."

"It's weird that you expect me to know," Merlin countered.

"It's going really well," Arthur said slowly. "Even though yesterday was terrible, we still haven't lost a match so far. I'll... I'll do better next weekend. I should have been more focused. I wasn't being very professional."

"Lance said you were really aggressive."

Arthur sighed and let his head drop for a second. "You talked to Lance about it?"

"He talked to me about it," Merlin explained. "At length. I didn't really listen to most it, but I think the gist of what he said was that you played a very angry game and also that you refused to talk to him."

Arthur nodded. "Yeah," he admitted. "That sounds about right, unfortunately. It definitely wasn't the easiest game of my life."

Arthur turned onto his back and rotated his body until his feet were hanging off the side of the bed and his head was resting on Merlin's stomach. Merlin immediately laced his fingers through Arthur's hair and started massaging his scalp lightly.

"I guess I should probably tell you that Lance isn't very good at keeping his mouth shut when he's drunk. I tried to tell him to be quiet but he didn't listen and..."

"Everybody knows?" Arthur asked, his stomach dropping.

"Well, Gwen definitely knows. She spent a long time shouting at me for it, but she was pretty drunk as well. I think Elyan probably knows, but he pretty much knew from the beginning."

"Morgana?"

"She and Freya were gone by that point, I think. They're... really into each other."

Arthur sighed and ran a hand over his face, trying to imagine what Uther's reaction would be if he ever found out that _both_ of his children had same-sex tendencies.

"You should tell her, though," Merlin suggested. "She'd probably rather hear it from you than from one of our drunk friends."

"I guess," Arthur mumbled. He didn't relish the thought of coming out to Morgana. He was sure she would gloat and be unbearably annoying.

"She won't care," Merlin pressed. "She'll react better than your father, anyway."

Arthur nodded. Merlin had a fair point there. "Well, other than Lance blabbing to everyone, did you have fun last night?"

"It was a good release," Merlin said slowly. "I worked on my thesis for twelve hours yesterday."

"Holy shit."

Merlin laughed and Arthur's head shook with the vibrations of his stomach. "Yeah, it was a lot. It was good, though. I caught up on some old things and worked ahead on some new things. It was very productive but I definitely needed to get drunk afterwards."

"Mission accomplished then. You were very drunk."

"Was I that bad?"

"No. You just kept telling me that you were very drunk."

Merlin laughed again. "I told you I talk a lot of rubbish when I'm drunk."

"Yeah, but it's pretty adorable," Arthur admitted.

"I am _not_ adorable," Merlin protested.

"You wear glitter on your cheekbones, Merlin. You're adorable. Accept it. Own it. Be it."

Merlin curled himself forward to plant an upside-down kiss on Arthur's lips. "You're adorable, too."

"I know _I'm_ adorable," Arthur said haughtily. "That is old news."

Merlin settled himself back on the pillow and continued playing with Arthur's hair, humming quietly to himself. Arthur closed his eyes and smiled.

"I'm sorry I pushed for you to come to the Unicorn," Merlin said after a while. "That was pretty insensitive."

Arthur shrugged. "It wasn't insensitive. It was just... a little too fast. Gwaine and Lance can go out to gay clubs and dance with girls because they're straight or dance with blokes because it's a joke. I don't know how to do that. I don't _want_ to know how to do that. If I go out, I want it to be _with you_ and I'm -- I'm not there yet. I want to be, but I'm not. I need... I need to be able to do this at my own pace. Otherwise it'll turn into a huge mess like it did last night and I'll just be this aggressive starving person and that's not who I want to be. I know I overreacted last night, but I really _want_ to dance with you -- I just _can't_ yet and you can feel free to cut me off any time here."

Merlin reached out his free hand and Arthur took it in his own and rested them on top of his chest.

"We can go as slow as you need," Merlin said, his voice low and sure. "All you have to do is tell me it's too much and I'll back off. I can be patient. I'll... I'll work on being patient. But please don't ever tell me to go out and find someone else to be with."

Arthur nodded quickly. "I won't. I'm sorry. That was a terrible thing to say."

"No," Merlin said softly. "It was just unfair. I want to be with you, regardless of how out you are. We're both learning here... I've never had a famous or closeted boyfriend before."

Arthur's throat went dry and he licked his lips nervously. "Boyfriend?"

"If you want," Merlin said, sounding just as nervous as Arthur was feeling.

"Yes," Arthur said quickly. He brought their hands up to his lips and kissed the side of Merlin's thumb. "I want that more than anything."

Merlin laughed in relief. "Good. Me, too."

A comfortable, happy silence fell between them as Merlin's fingertips brushed over Arthur's thumb ring. Arthur thought back to the drunken night on Merlin's bed when he'd gotten hard from just that; he couldn't help but smile at the memory. He'd convinced himself quickly that Merlin hadn't meant anything by it, yet here they were.

"Tell me about your ring," Merlin said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Arthur watched as Merlin pulled off the ring and set it on his own thumb instead. It was too big but the sight of his ring on Merlin's hand made Arthur grin.

"It was my mother's," he explained. "It belonged to her grandfather, and then her father, and then... and then me."

Merlin slid the ring back onto Arthur thumb and laced their fingers together. Arthur played with Merlin's fingers for a few minutes, until he noticed the freckle just on the outside of Merlin's index finger knuckle. He straightened out Merlin's finger, then bent it slightly.

"It's like an elephant trunk."

"What?" Merlin asked sleepily.

"Your finger. It's like an elephant trunk."

"I... um. What?"

Arthur pointed out the freckle. "This is the eye. And your finger is the trunk."

Merlin made a pained sound and bent forward for another upside-down kiss. "You are far too much, Arthur Pendragon."

Arthur grinned and sucked Merlin's finger into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the knobbly knuckles.

Merlin moaned quietly in Arthur's ear and Arthur slowly slid his finger out and pressed a kiss to its tip.

"Can I make you breakfast?" Merlin asked.

Arthur blinked in surprise. "Oh -- shouldn't I be making you breakfast? Wait, isn't it Sunday? Don't you have people coming over?"

"Not today."

"Why not?"

Merlin sat up, gently guiding Arthur's head to the bed. "I cancelled it after I got your call last night."

"Oh... why?"

"Because I knew that in the morning I would rather be here than across the hall."

"Are you sure they don't mind?"

Merlin grinned and kissed Arthur's forehead. "They don't mind. Can I make you breakfast?"

"I think I'm supposed to be making you breakfast," Arthur pointed out again.

"But I want to make you crêpes."

"You make crêpes?"

"If you want me to."

"That sounds perfect, actually."

"Great!" Merlin plucked Marie Antoinette off Arthur's pillowed and carried him out of Arthur's room.

Arthur stayed where he was for a moment, trying to comprehend how lucky he was that he'd accidentally found someone like Merlin. When he could hear Merlin making noise in the kitchen with pots and pans, Arthur got up and snuck into his gym. He grabbed his camera and slung it securely around his neck.

He found standing Merlin in the kitchen, whisking together some batter in a bowl. He looked perfectly natural there, cooking in only his pants.

Arthur snapped three pictures before Merlin turned around, his eyes narrowed.

"Exactly what do you think you're doing?"

"Taking pictures of my boyfriend," Arthur said cheekily. "He's got a great arse."

Merlin rolled his eyes and went back to whisking, but Arthur could see his smile. Arthur took a few more pictures of Merlin's preparations before he set his camera down. He leant against the wall and watched Merlin stacking crêpe after crêpe onto a plate.

"Do you have jam?" Merlin asked, glancing at Arthur over his shoulder.

Arthur pulled a few toppings out of his fridge and set two places at his table. Merlin brought out the plate of crêpes a moment later and before Arthur even knew what was happening, the entire stack was gone.

"Okay, those had no right being so delicious," Arthur complained, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his stomach.

Merlin finished off his last crêpe and mirrored Arthur's posture. "I am an excellent chef."

Arthur laughed and shoved at Merlin's shoulder. "And so modest, too."

"Naturally. Oh -- oh my God! Look!" Merlin pointed excitedly at the windowsill.

Arthur glanced over and saw Matilda resting with her head on Marie Antoinette's back, one arm lying possessively across his tail.

"What... what is that?" Arthur asked.

"Are they cuddling?" Merlin asked, his voice shaking with laughter.

Matilda looked absurdly enamoured of the lizard in her possession, while Marie Antoinette looked supremely unconcerned by the whole situation, as always.

"What _is_ that?" Arthur repeated, shocked by the display.

"Inter-species romance?" Merlin suggested.

Arthur shook his head. "Our pets are insane."

"Our pets are in love," Merlin said, only barely managing to get the words out before he burst into a fit of giggles.

Arthur watched the cat and the lizard canoodling in the windowsill for a few more seconds, but then he had to look away. It was too absurd that his cat -- _his_ cat, who hated everyone except him and, inexplicably, Merlin -- would fall so quickly for something as hard and scaly and distinctly uncuddly as a lizard. _Merlin's_ lizard, to be exact.

He grabbed the dishes and brought them into the kitchen to start washing. Arthur expected Merlin to follow, but he didn't and after a few minutes the flat was filled with soft music from the last record Arthur had listened to.

When he emerged from the kitchen, Arthur found Merlin standing by the stereo system next to his telly, fiddling idly with the dials.

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked, walking over.

Merlin looked up at him and grinned. "You said you wanted to dance with me."

Arthur laughed nervously. "What?"

"Dance with me." Merlin held out his hands and Arthur took them hesitantly, letting Merlin pull him close.

"This is a bit silly," Arthur said, setting his hands on Merlin's waist as Merlin's arms curled around his neck.

"No, it's romantic," Merlin corrected. "Just go with it."

"Is this the sort of music they play at the Unicorn?"

"No," Merlin said simply. He stepped closer and leant his cheek against Arthur's, humming along with the song.

Arthur slid his arms around Merlin's middle, holding him tight as they swayed together to the slow music. He imagined dancing with Merlin like this in public, at some gala or charity ball or mutual friend's wedding. The thought was terrifying, if only because it was surprising how badly he wanted it.

"I think I want to come out to my team," he said quietly.

"Yeah?" Merlin asked, his voice soft and calm in Arthur's ear.

"Yeah. Not -- not now. Not that soon. Maybe by the end of the season. Maybe."

"That sounds like a good goal," Merlin said, pulling back slightly to look at Arthur. "Don't rush things."

"I'm not. I won't."

"You should talk to Elyan," Merlin suggested. "He knows what it's like to come out to a football team. He might have advice or something. In any case, I know he wants to help. And it can't hurt to talk to someone who's been there before, right?"

Arthur nodded, the realisation finally sinking in that he didn't just have Merlin and Merlin's support -- he had all of Merlin's friends as well. They all wanted to support him and for the first time, he actually wanted their support. He wanted to talk to Elyan about dealing with homophobic teammates. He wanted to talk to Lance about how to come out to George.

He thought about Lance and Gwen and how stupidly happy they were starting to be together, and how stupidly happy they could be in public. He thought about the few specks of glitter still on Merlin's eyelids and about how wonderful it would be if only he could be so free.

"I'll talk to Elyan," he said.

Merlin looked at him for a moment, then leant over and switched the stereo from the record player to the radio. A fast, catchy song with a thumping baseline came on and Merlin grinned wickedly, turning around and pressing his arse to Arthur's crotch.

"Um," Arthur said stupidly, holding onto Merlin's sides.

"Come on."

Merlin swayed his hips suggestively and Arthur followed along, laughing until Merlin turned around and kissed him.

"What I wouldn't give to do this with you elsewhere," Arthur said, sliding his hands over Merlin's arse.

"Feel free to kick me out if this is too much too soon again, but the Unicorn has a costume ball once a month."

"So?" Arthur asked slowly.

"So... I could paint your whole face. I could get you a mask. No one would even be able to tell it was you."

Arthur bit his lower lip and considered Merlin's nervous, eager, sweet face. He _did_ want to dance with Merlin at the Unicorn. He wanted to take Merlin out and show him a good time and show the world that he was taken. He wanted them to be a normal couple who did normal things, like going out dancing. He wanted to take his boyfriend to the gay club around the corner.

"Okay."

Merlin's whole face lit up as he grinned. "Okay?"

Arthur nodded, realising that he would do just about anything to see that expression on Merlin's face more often. "Okay."

Merlin kissed Arthur, long and hard and searching, and Arthur leant over and switched the stereo back to the record. Their kiss slowed and stilled until they were breathing against each other's lips simply because they didn't want to pull back. Arthur moved one hand to Merlin's hip and took Merlin's hand with the other, lacing their fingers together and hiding their hands between their bare chests.

They swayed together, keeping time with touches and glances and kisses, until the music faded out and all they had was the rhythm of their hearts and breaths, and they danced on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enormous thanks to my cheerleaders and betas and britpickers and artists and friends and everyone who helped me with this fic.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! If you prefer to leave comments on LJ, the fic masterpost is [here](http://slantknitfics.livejournal.com/23329.html). Also please remember to comment on all the lovely art! [achelseabee's](http://achelseabee.livejournal.com/) art masterpost is [here](http://achelseabee.livejournal.com/2096.html). Thanks again!!
> 
> Also, if you are interested, the French film that inspired Merlin's tattoo is [_La jetée_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_jet%C3%A9e). It's a short film that is almost entirely montage of still photography with voiceover. It's pretty great and seems to be currently available to watch on [Hulu](http://www.hulu.com/watch/215917) and [Vimeo](https://vimeo.com/31209852).


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